Review – The Expendables

Is there really no way to prevent Sylvester Stallone from writing screenplays? The characters don’t speak to each other as much as they just stumble from one scene to the next mouthing tough-sounding nonsense. The plot is sheer ridiculousness, some clap-trap about a band of ultra-macho mercenaries hired by the CIA to kill a Caribbean dictator when the actual target is a drug-dealing former operative. And if that strikes you as absurd, rest assured they’re just getting started. Some of the explosions are entertaining in a blowed-up-real-good kinda way, but even the action sequences are messy, jump-cut assemblages of awkward angles. The main draw here is the casting of just about every action movie star this side of Chuck Norris, and if that’s all it takes to keep you happy then you’ll get your money’s worth. But be prepared to take the bad with the good. For example, if I never have to look at another ECU of Mickey Rourke it’ll be a day too soon (though respect to whomever persuaded him to play a character named Tool without a drop of irony). And maybe it’s just the credulous kid in me, but I didn’t buy Dolph Lundgren beating Jet Li in a hand-to-hand fight. Everyone in this has done better work elsewhere, so merely having them all in one place isn’t all that big a boon. See if desperate