AGF #4

Absolutely Goddamn Forbidden: random hops through time.

One of the most galling things a writer or director can do is yank the audience around by constantly shifting from point to point in their story’s timeline. Even under the best of circumstances this is a risky move. In general the time shifts in Godfather 2 work just fine. Coppola establishes clear visual distinctions between the 1910s and 1950s. He doesn’t switch back and forth rapidly or at random.

Even so, when Mad did its inevitable parody of the picture, in the final panels the two frames get knotted up together, with father and son having a conversation about what to do next.

More recently, I’ve noted an increasing tendency to set up separate threads only a few years (or even a few days) apart. The characters aren’t different ages, they don’t dress differently, they supply only subtle clues that the time frame has changed.

Perhaps this is some kind of stupid trick to make sure viewers are paying attention. If so, in the future these hacks need to work harder on meriting attention rather than tricking people into giving it.

AGF #3

Absolutely goddamn forbidden: Michael Moore.

Actually not Moore himself. He does what he does and makes a tidy living at it. More power to him. But the cheap Moore imitators have to go.

We went ahead and finished Dive! yesterday. For the most part finishing it was about the same as not finishing it, as it continued on in the same usefulness-free preaching mode established in the first ten minutes. To their credit, the neo-hippies did set their whining aside for a few minutes to drag some food to a homeless shelter.

But then they bust out the Michael Moore let’s-go-make-a-nuisance-of-ourselves trick, sending a string of nagging letters to the corporate offices of Trader Joe’s. As if that particular store was somehow responsible for the problem. Naturally the chain’s PR people sent the guy a reply telling him to quit being a jerk (not in so many words, but the point was plain). And I have to admit I probably would have done the same thing if I’d been the PR person.

So seriously, low-budget indie whiners, find some different footsteps to follow in. Impress your audience with the sharpness of your wit or the justice of your cause, not the audaciousness of your nagging.

AGF #2

Anytime a character in a horror movie goes into a medicine chest for anything, we know it’s a cheap excuse to close the chest and suddenly reveal in the mirror that the ghost/killer/whatever is standing right behind her.

But of course when she turns around there’s nothing there.

In fact, maybe mirrors in horror movies in general should be absolutely goddamn forbidden.

Absolutely goddamn forbidden

Sequences in horror movies in which something scary (and non-undo-able) happens to a character, but then she wakes up and oh, it was only a nightmare.

Weak.