Review – Antony and Cleopatra

This isn’t anyone’s finest moment, including Shakespeare himself. Though the Bard of Avon takes the blame for the story dragging on for a whole hour after Actium, most of the rest of the dreadful creative decisions rest squarely on the hammy shoulders of lead actor / director / writer Charlton Heston. Somehow the man’s monster ego convinced him that the source material would be greatly improved with a bunch of weird editing and other tricks that waver between experimental and stupid. See if desperate

Review – Firebrand

Poor Katherine Parr. If she’d been married to any other English monarch, she would have been a memorable queen. But pitted against Henry VIII’s previous five, she tends to end up as a bit of a footnote. So at last here she gets her own movie. The fictional twist at the end increases the entertainment value of a production that’s otherwise a bit on the dull side (unless you’ve an affection for abusive husbands with dementia). Mildly amusing

Review – Mary Queen of Scots

I suppose there’s no way (or at least no way I’ve seen to date) to do a neutral job of telling the stories of the title subject and her rival, the Queen of England. As the name implies, this one depicts Mary (Saoirse Ronan) as super awesome in every way and Elizabeth (Margot Robie) as jealous, vindictive and paranoid. The cinematography’s good, as are the costumes. Mildly amusing

Review – Napoleon (2023)

With Joaquin Phoenix in the title role, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the story centers around Napoleon’s various neuroses (especially his peculiar relationship with Josephine). They spent a lot of money making this, which at least makes it a pretty mess. See if desperate

Review – Oppenheimer

The story of one of the fathers of the atomic bomb gets thoroughly Christopher-Nolan-ized. The director’s various conceits – particularly his love of ping-ponging back and forth in the timeline – transform the fascinating story of one of the most important moments in 20th century history into a dull, three-hour trudge. See if desperate

Review – Munich: The Edge of War

Here we have a big moment in history as seen from the perspectives of two young professionals who happen to be old acquaintances. One’s a minor bureaucrat on Neville Chamberlain’s negotiation team, and the other is a German with insider knowledge about Hitler’s true intent. Naturally enough, this turns out to be one of those stories that one desperately wishes would turn out differently than it did. Mildly amusing

Review – Parkland

This docudrama shows the attempts to save the lives of Parkland Hospital’s two most famous patients: John F. Kennedy and Lee Harvey Oswald. It’s interesting to compare this to other ER-centered medical dramas concerning less historical moments. Mildly amusing

Review – The Entire History of Roman Britain

This documentary lives up to its name ably enough. And that’s a problem, because wow does the subject start to mash together after awhile. The familiar players – Julius Caesar, Boudica, Hadrian and a few others – are easy enough to tell apart. But a lot of the rest of the history blurs together into a parade of names that are super similar even when they aren’t actually identical (a common problem with a lot of Roman history). Blending notwithstanding, the filmmakers do a good job with the task at hand. Anyone with an interest in the subject should find this worth a look. Mildly amusing

Review – Mary Shelley

Here’s one of the most important authors of the 19th century yet again reduced to a soap opera version of her relationship with her husband and his creepy friends. With this cast and production budget, something better could have been made. See if desperate

Review – Monarch

The final episode of The Tudors does roughly the same thing only in much more entertaining (not to mention shorter) fashion. Near the end of his opportunity to misuse the planet’s air supply, Henry VIII grumbles through plots against him and has imaginary conversations with his dead wives (all of whom are played by Jean Marsh). Though the IMDb notes are sparse on this one, I’d be greatly surprised to learn that it didn’t begin life as a stage production or at the very least find itself greatly influenced by theatrical conventions. See if desperate

Review – Spencer

Sometimes a work of art can entertain primarily based on the amount of work that went into creating it. Kristen Stewart is banking on that here. She clearly exerts a lot of effort to perfect her portrayal of Princess Diana, from the protagonist’s larger-than-life struggles with her neurodivergence and her in-laws right down to her personal tics. The result is professionally assembled and sympathetic to its lead character. But it’s also, well, effortful. Mildly amusing

Review – Elizabeth I

Helen Mirren once again plays an English queen in an uneven biopic. This two-part, four-hour monster buys heavily into the theory that the love lives of historical figures are far more interesting than anything they ever did to or for the nations they governed. The acting is good, as are the production values. It just isn’t a particularly interesting story. Mildly amusing

Review – The Last Duel

 Here we have the Rashomon version of one of the last times in French history that a legal dispute was ever decided by trial by combat. When Marguerite de Carrouges (Jodie Comer) accuses Jacques le Gris (Adam Driver) of rape, her husband (Matt Damon) proves politically unpopular enough to prevent him from seeking justice in the courts. So he challenges her attacker to a duel in which God will allow right to prevail. You can tell Ridley Scott directed this because of all the crap floating around in the air. Honestly, I'm a little surprised that he’d try another long, moody, Medieval drama, though it was more bad luck than bad filmmaking when this flopped due to poor promotion support from the studio. Mildly amusing

Review – Darkest Hour

After a long career of putting his personal touches on familiar characters, Gary Oldman finally got his Oscar for this one. I freely concede the possibility that someone who likes Winston Churchill more than I do would have found this more entertaining than I did. Mildly amusing

Review – All the Way

Bryan Cranston does a solid job playing Lyndon Johnson, not that mastering a walking wad of clichés like LBJ is exactly the height of the thespian craft. And that’s a shame, because the politics and emotions surrounding the passage of the Civil Rights Act called out for an exploration of Johnson’s nuances rather than his cartoonish bombast. With such a stellar cast, a better movie might have been made. Mildly amusing

Review – Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Sort of like Gandhi only with a much smaller cast. And with much greater emphasis on the subject’s personal life. It’s nice to see Idris Elba get the chance to sink his teeth into a more substantial role than his usual casting. This should make especially good viewing for those who don’t remember what Apartheid was all about. Mildly amusing

Review – Mr. Turner

This movie absolutely broke my heart. I love J.M.W. Turner’s work. An exhibit of his paintings I was lucky enough to see at the National Gallery a few years ago still stands as one of the most amazing things that’s ever happened to me. Though I’m prepared – even eager – to accept the proposition that such works of staggering genius could be produced by a man who lived a fairly ordinary life, I seriously wonder why, in that case, anyone would bother making a movie out of his biography. This production isn’t helped in the slightest by writer / director Mike Leigh’s decision to skip the session in screenwriting class when the difference between chronology and storytelling was discussed. As a result, some of the most important works of art ever preserved on canvas get completely lost in the banal trivia of the artist’s life. Absent any kind of story or character arc, the two-and-a-half-hour running time becomes an “is it over yet?” ordeal. Turner deserved so much better. See if desperate

Review – Houdini

When I was a kid I was crazy about Houdini and read everything I could find about him, so a lot of this biography didn’t come as much of a surprise. However, the producers spent enough on this two-part miniseries to ensure that they did a good job of telling the story. Adrien Brody works well in the title role, and the rest of the cast support him well. Recreations of the era are solid, on par with Boardwalk Empire and other productions that devote proper attention to making bygone ages look both authentic and familiar. Verdict: Mildly amusing

Review – Killing Lincoln

With all the money they dumped on this, I was hoping for something better than a docudrama worthy of the Discovery Channel. Tom Hanks narrating and Bill O’Reilly writing fail to amount to anything better than what we might have gotten from an out-of-work character actor and a script-a-day hack. If you authentically don’t know anything about Lincoln’s assassination, you might find this interesting. But there’s little beyond the basics to be found here. Mildly amusing

Review – Custer’s Last Stand

The iconic commander of the Seventh Cavalry gets a thorough PBS treatment in this feature-length documentary about his life and death. Though little of this information will be new to anyone who’s read a book (or two or three) about the subject, it’s still a good job of dealing with a complicated subject. Mildly amusing