Review – Little Miss Sunshine

This is one of those productions that starts with potential but swiftly falls victim to its own quirkiness. It makes some good – if somewhat slacker-ific – points about the pointlessness of ego and ambition. And there’s some amusing stuff here, particularly the end. I just wish it had played out a little less like a hipster reheat of National Lampoon’s Vacation. Mildly amusing

Review – Firewall

Here’s a challenge: watch the timer on the front of your DVD player, and jot down the exact point at which you stop caring about whether Harrison Ford will ever find a way to foil the plot of the wily bank robbers who kidnap his family and force him to compromise his employer’s computer security system. For me, this moment came when Ford kills one of the evil sidekicks; somehow the death transformed the show from a vaguely interesting battle of wits into the parade of violence it would ultimately turn out to be. This would make an interesting double feature with Spike Lee’s Inside Man, as the contrast between the two demonstrates the difference between plots that flow and plots that merely move from one peril to the next. See if desperate

Review – Atomic Journeys

If only the DVD had featured an option for turning off the soundtrack music. This production features a ton of fascinating footage, some recently declassified and here presented to the public for the first time. Unfortunately, it’s framed in an inept documentary about “peaceful” atomic testing in the 50s and 60s. Interviewees dwell on the excuses for the testing (ranging from digging canals to tapping natural gas pockets), giving the production the feel of a movie made about an empty room that constantly shows every corner but the one with the white elephant in it. Overall this might have been a much better movie if it had just stuck with the Atomic Café mix of archival footage and period music only. Almost everything else here is an annoying distraction (as borne out by the special features, where some of the original stuff can be viewed without interruption or hysterically over-dramatized score). Mildly amusing

Review – The Black Dahlia

I’m willing to bet that James Ellroy really liked this production of his novel about the famous Hollywood murder. On the other hand, I thought it was episodic and largely uninteresting. The slaying of Elizabeth Smart is only peripherally part of the plot, the bulk of the screen time going instead to the usual Ellroy parade of tough guy cops with deep personal problems. The result is a much duller movie than might have been made about such a sensational crime. Mildly amusing

Review – Cars

Disney / Pixar strikes again. This time our animated characters are all motor vehicles of some kind. Despite the limitations inherent in characters who have no hands, the story (celebrity race car stranded in the sticks gets a long lesson in the simple pleasures of life) functions fairly well. It was also nice to see one of these celebrity voice parades with nobody especially annoying in the cast (the absence of Robin Williams was a real plus). Though the production doesn’t feature anything especially original or interesting, at least it manages not to grate the nerves too badly. Mildly amusing

Review – The Lake House

I would absolutely have loved to have been in the meeting when they gave the green light to this one. “So let me get this straight. A man and a woman live in the same house, only they’re doing it two years apart. And they communicate by passing each other notes in the mailbox, which serves as some kind of conduit between the separate time frames. Yeah, that sounds like something the studio ought to spend Sandra-Bullock-and-Keanu-Reeves money on.” Oddly enough, it turns out just as stupid as it must have sounded like it was going to. See if desperate

Review – American Dreamz

What a strange little movie. I’m not sure there’s much inherent entertainment value in satirizing “American Idol,” as the show sort of automatically mocks itself. And when that’s all the picture does, it’s predictably dull. However, every once in awhile something quirky enters the fray, such as the President of the United States (clearly based on George W. Bush) getting it into his head that he actually wants to start reading newspapers. Thus while one shouldn’t expect much from the sitcom story line, viewing is nonetheless rewarded by occasional moments of genuine humor. Mildly amusing

Review – My Super Ex-Girlfriend

This one’s pure formula. The production does almost nothing besides answering the sitcom question “What if a guy broke up with a clingy girlfriend only to discover that she was actually a super hero?” Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson play the ill-fated couple, with Eddie Izzard lending support as the heroine’s jilted-ex-boyfriend-turned-evil-genius. The movie manages a couple of entertaining sight gags, but beyond that it’s mediocre fare. Mildly amusing

Review - Faust

 Jan Svankmajer strikes again, this time taking on a tale tailor-made for his bizarre blend of live-action and animation. The story loosely follows the Faust legend, dipping in and out of the bracketing plot of a guy lured in off the street and made the main character in a dramatic production of the tale. For the most part this is the same “Sprockets”-worthy film-making we’ve come to expect from the source. However, for my money I would have liked a lot more stop motion and a lot less marionette action. While Svankmajer’s animation is frequently quite good, the rest of it is run-of-the-mill European art movie stock. Mildly amusing

Review – The Road to Guantanamo

This docu-drama has an important point, but it does a weak job of making it. The American public should be outraged that our military and intelligence communities torture detainees. But the sense of anger I got here was actually less “torture is cruel” and more “why are they wasting tax dollars with torture this stupid on guys who have so little useful information to offer?” Furthermore, the victims themselves leave something to be desired in the martyr department. The torment they suffer seems pretty low key compared to what the American and British governments have proven themselves capable of dishing out in the past. And nagging constantly at the back of my mind was a serious question about how these innocent Pakistanis managed to get caught up in the war in Afghanistan. Their explanation seems weak. Now, having a weak explanation for your whereabouts shouldn’t subject you to years of illegal detention. But when the audience’s eyebrows raise in response to part of your story, it doesn’t help your case. Mildly amusing

Review – Ghostbusters

Upon re-viewing lo these many years later, I’m surprised at just how terrible this movie is. It was quite a cultural phenomenon when it first came out, spawning a sequel, at least two cartoon series, and no end of ancillary merchandise. With the benefit of hindsight, however, this honestly isn’t much better than its considerably less popular sequel. The acting, script and special effects all barely rise above amateur levels. It honestly makes me wonder how much of this movie’s popularity was directly due to the constant airplay the theme song got at the time. Literally everyone here (particularly the cast) has done better work elsewhere. See if desperate

Review – Voodoo Moon

Oh, joy. Another Constantine “homage.” See if desperate

Review – Alexander Nevsky

This is a must-see for any student of propaganda film-making (not to mention anyone studying cinema as a graphic art). Though I suppose Potemkin is a more important work from a film history standpoint, I think this one is more entertaining. In context, the glaring (Nevsky as Stalin, the swastikas on the evil bishop’s miter) and subtle (merchants paying to appease the Teutons even as Stalin himself was working a treaty with Hitler) aspects of art in a dictatorship add a whole new dimension to the viewing experience. It also reverberates into history, not only exposing Stalin’s self-image but also giving Germany a strong hint about what was waiting for its troops four years later at Stalingrad. One can also appreciate the impact it had on subsequent productions, ranging from Conan the Barbarian to The Empire Strikes Back. And of course it can just be enjoyed as an entertaining movie (a little rough around some of the edges, but still quite watchable). The disc itself doesn’t come with any special features (indeed, it doesn’t even have a main menu), but it’s still worth it. Buy the disc

Review – Desperation

Stephen King takes to the pulpit and preaches long and hard. Honestly, there’s more sermonizing in this dumb little horror movie than the fundies build into the Left Behind productions. And what makes that troubling is that this is just that: a dumb little horror movie. Usually the closest such productions ever come to legitimate questions of faith is whether or not a crucifix will ward off a vampire. There are a couple of good, old-fashioned King-style thrills (or at least a reasonable made-for-TV facsimile thereof), but for the most part this is a parade of numbskull theology and animal cruelty. Lots and lots of animal cruelty (without which this might have gotten a slightly better score). Wish I’d skipped it

Review – World Trade Center

Throughout much of this production I kept waiting for Oliver Stone to drop the other shoe. I mean, this guy spent decades writing and directing movies that – if not exactly counter-culture – at least questioned the prevailing beliefs upon which American society constructs itself. I wasn’t exactly looking for a JFK-style conspiracy rant. But I also wasn’t expecting this sort of a straightforward “OK USA” production either. The tale of two Port Authority cops rescued from the rubble is a compelling story in an overblown After-School Special sort of way. I’m just surprised Stone turned out to be the storyteller. Mildly amusing

Review – Miami Vice

I would honestly never have thought a movie could be produced that would make the TV series look good. Compared to Colin Ferrel, Don Johnson had talent. Compared to Jamie Foxx, Phillip Michael Thomas had personality. This movie is almost literally nothing but a long series of macho-posturing drug deals punctuated by occasional sex scenes and gun battles. The non-existent plot and cardboard characters might have been tolerable if not for the complete absence of style. The TV show was a key part of the look and feel of the 1980s, for better or worse. This production does such a terrible job following trends – let alone setting them – that most likely it will be forgotten entirely in fairly short order. At least if the cast and crew are lucky. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Hard Candy

Though the premise – female victim turns the tables on male victimizer – isn’t exactly novel, this production has some things going for it. The man is a child molester, and his table-turner is a very determined 14-year-old who sets him up from the beginning. The show has a couple of shortcomings. The last third of the movie (up to but not including the ending) is largely superfluous, adding conniptions and complications that don’t really advance the plot at all. And the dialogue is rife with the sort of empty-headed sarcasm that “witty” Gen-X screenwriters often employ in the place of genuine emotional exchange. That aside, however, this was a reasonably well put-together bit of anti-slasher medicine. Mildly amusing

Review – Satan’s Playground

Writer / director Dante Tomaselli must have watched Evil Dead and Texas Chainsaw Massacre hundreds of times but never seen another movie of any kind. Even that might have been okay, but he appears to have learned nothing from his favorites beyond how to ape their less effective elements. The plot plays out like something an eight-year-old child would make up, with family stuck in the woods wandering off one by one to fall victim to this stock horror or that. I rented this almost exclusively because the box promised me the Jersey Devil, a monster that kills a couple of people without appearing in the movie as anything beyond annoying POV shots. I still firmly believe that somewhere out in the Pine Barrens lurks a really good horror movie. However, it’ll have to just keep lurking at least a little longer. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Imprint

Takashi Miike helms this “too scandalous for cable” episode from the “Masters of Horror” series. I guess I can see why Showtime would be loath to show this production. This it some of those shows that seems to exist only to move slowly from depravity to depravity, graphically depicting torture, sexual abuse, and a laundry list of other terrible stuff. The sadistic violence is made only mildly more stylish by the 19th century Japanese setting. Symptomatic of the disease here is the casting of Billy Drago in the male lead, a decision clearly based on his creepy looks rather than his acting talent. Overall, at least it was relatively short. See if desperate

Review – Slayer

Only after a friend and I started watching this did we realize that it was so terrible that, after it ran on the SciFi Channel, a clip ended up on The Soup. And with good reason. Casper Van Dien (is this guy in everything now?) stars as the captain of a commando squad that journeys to the jungles of South America to take on a rising tide of vampires. In more skillful hands this might have at least seemed like a message piece about U.S. foreign policy. But with basic cable shlockmeister Kevin VanHook at the helm, this is pretty much nothing but an excuse for commando vs. vampire kung fu matches. Snore. See if desperate

Review – Rest Stop

The youngsters leave home, bound for Hollywood. They stop along the way to have body double sex. Does it come as any surprise, then, when they pause at an isolated rest stop only to fall victim to a country bumpkin psycho in a beat-up yellow Ford pickup? This show features brief passages of what might pass for imaginative gore. But beyond that it’s our beleaguered heroine hiding out in the rest stop ladies’ room and conversing with characters that pop in and out like the dramatis personae from a bad one-act written by an especially talentless theatre major. See if desperate

Review – The Ringer

Go out and rent a movie starring Johnny Knoxville as a kind-hearted slob who gets conned into pretending that he’s mentally-differently-abled so he can help his gambler uncle rig the Special Olympics, and you get pretty much exactly what you pay for. This is around half brain-dead comedy and half gooey message piece about the perils of under-estimating those de-valued by society. It goes without saying that this isn’t an enduring example of the finest the cinema arts have to offer, but it manages to offend less than I thought it would. Mildly amusing

Review – Halloween Night

The box sells this as a “true story” rework of John Carpenter’s classic (though of course without making claims that would lead to copyright infringement suits). It’s Halloween. A lunatic escapes from an asylum. He returns to the house where he used to live. It’s full of young people partying and having sex. He kills most of them. There the similarity ends. The production values are limited; the “high points” are mostly gore and softcore. And the script and acting are so terrible that at times it almost seems like they’re shooting for a semi-documentary feel. Overall this turns out to be exactly what one would expect from a movie that starts out with a brutal rape scene. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Superman Returns

I was pleasantly surprised to find this production a worthy follow-up to the first two Christopher Reeve Superman movies (and of the others, perhaps the less said the better). Unlike Batman Begins, this is at least a half-hearted attempt to follow straight on from earlier movies. The plot begins with Superman’s return from a quest to find Krypton’s remains. At the same time, Lex Luthor is out of prison and back to his old habits. And from there of course it’s business as usual. Many of my criticisms of Superman and Superman 2 apply here as well, particularly regarding the plot problems inherent in the protagonist. But perhaps my harsh opinions have mellowed a little over the years. Overall I found this an entertaining if somewhat mindless show. Mildly amusing

Review – Left in Darkness

I’ve said it before, and unless God is merciful to me I’ll probably have to say it again, but here it is anyway: I don’t want theology lessons from 20-something filmmakers. This particular lecture starts out with a woman celebrating her 21st birthday by getting drugged and gang-raped at a fraternity party. She dies from an overdose of the date rape drug the frat boys give her. At this point the production strongly suggests the influence of the haunted houses that right-wing churches put on for Halloween in which sinners die and are dragged off straight to eternal damnation. But instead of hell, our heroine ends up trapped in a netherworld version of the frat house. She’s chased by zombie-like “sin eaters” as her guardian angel (or is he?) explains the ever-more-elaborate rules of the afterlife. The notion that the first couple of hours after a person’s death are devoted to trying to decode some kind of a lame puzzle is about as dramatically intriguing as it is spiritually comforting. See if desperate

Review – Pulse (2006)

Wow, an American remake that’s even more boring than the Japanese original. The plot’s essentially the same (ghosts use computers to enter our world and suck the will to live out of supporting cast and audience alike). The effects are a little better, but in exchange the characters aren’t as interesting. This outing also introduces some new logic problems; for example, why can the evil spirits travel WiFi and cell, but not satellite signals? Overall, then, this remake doesn’t serve much of a purpose. See if desperate

Review – Winsor McCay: The Master Edition

At last all of McCay’s animation has been gathered onto one disc. It’s amazing just how well this early, experimental stuff stacks up against more sophisticated work done by his successors. Naturally, part of the quality is due to McCay’s genius with line drawing. But another big part of the appeal is his obsessive attention to detail. One never gets the impression in any of these animations that the artist is cutting corners in order to make the production cheaper or churn it out faster. It at least some of the work the artist himself draws every frame without using cels. The result is uniformly beautiful, though time has taken its toll on some of the existing prints used to create this disc. The story lines are also unsophisticated by 21st century standards, sometimes choppy due to missing footage or experiments with techniques that don’t work. And in other places we’re treated to humor that would likely have seemed funnier to audiences a hundred years ago. But overall the work is timelessly charming, unsophisticated yet brilliant, and a must-see not just for film historians but for anyone who likes a good cartoon. Buy the disc

Review – Reds

This is one of the few times I’ve ever seen a director take five hours of screen time and actually do something with it. Warren Beatty casts himself as Jack Reed, the semi-legendary author of Ten Days that Shook the World. The main focus of the story seems to be the turbulent relationship between Reed and Louise Bryant (Diane Keaton). But far more interesting than the couple’s squabbles and sexual escapades are the background stories: the radical left’s opposition to U.S. entry into World War One, art and theatre on the east coast, and particularly the Russian Revolution. Even the casting reflects the pre-eminence of the background, with Jack Nicholson playing Bryant’s sometime-lover Eugene O’Neil and Maureen Stapleton garnering an Oscar for her performance as Emma Goldman. The overall point of the picture appears to be a lament about how much happier the protagonists might have been as a traditional married couple rather than players in the great political dramas of the second decade of the 20th century. But thank goodness for the audience they made the choices they did, however badly it worked out for them. Worth seeing

Review – The Desert Fox: The Story of Rommel

James Mason does a great job as the legendary German general. As a child I was obsessed with the African campaign, and I confess enough of that fascination lingers to my adulthood to make me wish they’d spent more time on that high point in Rommel’s career. Instead the focus here is primarily on the general’s connection to the plot to assassinate Hitler in 1944. Still, the story is exciting enough. Mildly amusing

Review – The Polar Express

What a creepy movie. The look and feel of this picture are very much in keeping with the oddly disconcerting style of Chris van Allsburg, the author / artist of the book that inspired this production. As a shorter show this might have worked quite well. But in order to sustain a considerably longer running time, the story breaks up into a parade of episodic twists and turns that become tedious after awhile. The movie also relies to far too great a degree on the “lookey what we can do with our fancy computer animation” factor. The technical quality is good, but effects alone just don’t sustain a movie this long and plot-free. I also didn’t applaud the decision to have Tom Hanks voice all the male adult characters It’s not the worst Christmas show I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t as good as I hoped. Mildly amusing

Review – Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD

Marvel Comics seems to take its products in one of two different cinematic directions: high quality film-making and made-for-TV crap. What does David Hasselhoff’s presence in the lead suggest about which direction they chose here? And that really broke my heart. I was a big fan of Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos when I was a kid, and I remember liking his espionage reincarnation as well. A lot of what was appealing about the comics was their comic-ness, so I’m not sure a better movie could have been made out of them. But then, I would have thought the same thing about Spider-man. And in any event, I would have liked for them to have at least tried. See if desperate

Review – Wordplay

This is the third documentary I’ve seen recently about people obsessed with words. The key difference between this tale of a national crossword contest and the first two (targeting Scrabble and spelling bee folk) is that the subjects are portrayed as relatively normal people rather than monomaniacal nuts. Film-making techniques (particularly editing) might have had something to do with it. But another big factor seems to be the nature of crosswords themselves. Unlike board games and spelling contests, puzzles aren’t inherently competitive. The troubles adapting crosswords to a contest environment shows up in several points (particularly the ending). The overall impression is that the people who obsess over crosswords are a good deal different than their counterparts in other word game realms. The change is refreshing; this was a much more pleasant picture to watch than the other two. Mildly amusing

Review – An Inconvenient Truth

What a disappointment. The hype made this sound like a ground-breaking documentary about global warming. What we get instead is a 90-minute-long lecture from former Vice President Al Gore about the morality of carbon emissions. What he says is right. It’s how he says it that’s the problem. He’s got a lot of fancy graphics, but Gore’s delivery is still like watching paint dry. As a teacher, he’s the kind of professor who appeals only to a small sect of particularly obsessive grad students. I was also put off by the references to the 2000 election. If Gore’s doing some early stumping for 2008, he would have gotten a lot farther with this voter by dwelling less on the Florida ballot irregularities and saying a lot more (presuming there’s more to be said) about his pro-environment accomplishments during the prior eight years. Indeed, the whole thing was very long on problem identification and very short on solutions. “Shoot your car” simply seems inadequate. Mildly amusing

Review – Why We Fight (2006)

This documentary gets off to a good start: a title borrowed from the classic Capra propaganda series and opening footage of an important speech from outgoing President Eisenhower. This of course introduces the theme of the production: the rise of the “military industrial complex” in the second half of the 20th century. The bulk of the movie is reasonably well put together. It’s a little short on detail, but that’s likely because the filmmakers apparently feel the need to prove their basic thesis over and over. Still, I can’t really fault them for their approach. I wish we didn’t live in a world where the close relationship between war and profit required exposure, but I suspect that many members of the viewing public do in fact require this thorough explanation, however basic it might be. Mildly amusing

Review – The Libertine

Much fuss has been made over the years about Hollywood’s corrupting influence on America’s youth. In response, Tinseltown would be well advised to use this particular production as its first line of defense. Kids should be forced to watch this movie, the argument would go, because it will convince them that sex is so deadly dull that nobody in his or her right mind would ever want to try it. Johnny Depp stars as a thoroughly debauched English lord who develops an obsessive interest in an actress. However, my favorite cast member has to be John Malkovich. As the King of England he delivers his lines in such a high-speed mumble that it’s often unclear whether or not he’s even speaking English. I thought about turning the subtitles on, but then I didn’t get the impression that the story would be all that much more interesting if the dialogue had been intelligible. See if desperate

Review – Just Married

Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy star in this romantic comedy about a young couple whose European honeymoon reveals that they don’t have all that much in common. He’s a sports-obsessed mook, and she’s an educated but spoiled rich kid. Hilarity ensues. Or to be more precise, hilarity occasionally occurs in isolated spots devoted to simple gags and physical comedy. The rest of the picture – particularly the long, drawn-out wrangling over relationship woes – is more than a little dull. The show also wears out a good chunk of welcome early on when he accidentally kills her dog and then lies to her about it. See if desperate

Review – Night of the Dead

Gore just isn’t enough anymore, assuming that it was ever self-sufficient to begin with. This picture is further proof, as if any were really necessary. There’s a plot in here someplace, but honestly the story and characters aren’t much more than an excuse to keep the cherry Kool-ade flowing and provide an excuse for an occasional boob shot. The mad-scientist-bringing-the-dead-back-to-life-with-a-serum-that-produces-disasterous-results must have been what prompted all the DVD box references to Re-Animator. Otherwise all the two productions have in common is a devotion to cheap thrills (even cheaper here than in the earlier “classic” of exploitation horror). Wish I’d skipped it