Review – Her Majesty, Mrs. Brown

If you end up in the mood for a movie about the difficulties of English social structure, this one isn’t a bad choice for working out that particular craving. Billy Connoly does a serviceable job as the once-loyal servant of Queen Victoria. The interpersonal relationships are well-constructed, and the plot doesn’t drag on and on as badly as some films on the same general topic tend to. Still, it’s got a whole lot of English royalty, which may be difficult to take unless you’re used to them. Mildly amusing

Review – The Phantom

This blend of Batman and Indiana Jones is more than a little reminiscent of The Shadow starring one of the Baldwins. The plot and characters in this one suggest that it’s geared for a slightly younger audience. I was a fan of the Phantom comics when I was a kid, and I suppose that if I was of that particular age I might have gotten a lot more out of the movie version. Mildly amusing

Review – The Peacemaker

George Clooney has a grand total of two facial expressions: the boyish grin and a vacant look of mildly constipated concentration. Since these two expressions represent the sum of his acting ability, he makes copious use of both in this movie. This is the usual pot-boiling what-if-terrorists-stole-Russian-nukes-and-tried-to-blow-up-New-York picture, with more implausible plot twists than you can shake a stick at. See if desperate (or if you’re looking to complete your 1997 Hell Plaza Octoplex viewing experience)

Review – A Christmas Story

What passage of the holiday season would  be complete without at least one viewing of this immortal classic. This movie is (or at least at one time was) one of the two most popular films among prison inmates (the other one: Texas Chainsaw Massacre), probably because its portrait of childhood is at once sweet enough to be comforting but also sarcastic enough to keep it from getting to cloying. Everyone I know who’s seen it not only likes it, but also has his or her favorite scene (my personal preference is for the tire-changing sequence). Buy the tape

Review – Gremlins

This is one of the all-time classics of that small genre of films that seem like they’d be for kids but actually aren’t. Sure, it starts out with a cute, fuzzy little critter, but it doesn’t take too long for director Joe Dante and writer Chris Columbus to move on to more dangerous creatures and a considerable amount of for-mature-audiences-only violence. Of course, that didn’t stop the Hollywood greed-heads from marketing all kinds of kid-oriented ancillary merchandise anyway. The really great thing about Gremlins is that, hype aside, it actually holds its own as an amusing movie. Sure, it’s a little cartoonish, but that’s deliberate enough that it’s an asset rather than an annoying distraction. Besides, any movie with a cameo by legendary animator Chuck Jones can’t be all bad. Buy the tape

Review – Palmetto

Cinemax used to show a lot of this sort of thing late at night (I guess they might still do so; it’s been awhile since I’ve had Cinemax). Usually this sort of seamy, steamy crime drama has a lot more nudity in it, all the better to emulate the great progenitor Body Heat. Here the talents of Woody Harrelson and Elizabeth Shue are almost enough to save the weak script and predictable plot. Almost. Mildly amusing

Review – The Opposite of Sex

Here we have a lower class, bisexual caper movie. No kidding. And as if that wasn’t amazing enough, the really astounding part is that it’s clever, sarcastic, and really, really good. Christina Ricci has grown up considerably since her Addams Family days, playing the bitter, wisecracking narrator of a tale filled with bitter, wisecracking characters. In fact, if the film has a fault it’s that almost all the characters have the same general sarcastic tone. And if the film has two faults, the second is that it starts to drag just a bit at the end. Otherwise it’s the best bang for your cynical buck since Citizen Ruth. Worth seeing

Review – Hercules

Typical Disneyfication of a well-known story. The musical numbers were a bit on the uninspiring side, and some of the computer-driven stuff was pretty lame. Still, the film has a nice sense of humor, unlike some other recent Disney entries (especially the deadly grim story of Pocahontas). James Woods is surprisingly amusing as the voice of Hades, and a handful of other celebrity voices rounds out the cast nicely. Side note: very time someone in this flick says “the Mighty Hercules,” all I can think of is: “stop saying the Mighty Hercules.” Die-hard Saturday Night Live fans will recognize the joke. Mildly amusing

Review – Deadly Blessing

Hey, here’s a minority group we can pick on with impunity: Amish-esque, traditional, closed religious communities. I mean, it’s not like they’ve got TVs or VCRs. And even if they did, they’d probably mostly rent Disney cartoons rather than the likes of Deadly Blessing. So director Wes Craven (and this is way back in the pre-Elm Street days) is pretty safe in casting them as the bad guys. Of course, this particular set of religious fanatics must be especially backward, because they constantly refer to all the nubile young 20th century women as “incubus,” whereas if memory serves me right generally incubi are male demons that sexually corrupt women. Unless the whole thing is some ultra-clever twist on the gender bending turn of the screw toward the end or Craven knows something about newcomer Sharon Stone that he isn’t sharing with the rest of us (and both scenarios are about equally unlikely), they probably actually meant to use the term “succubus.” The first time I saw this masterpiece was in a motel room in the middle of Nowhere Kansas on the way back from about two solid weeks of camping in Colorado. I was in my early teens back then, and at the time this was a sweet taste of badly-missed civilization. Less desperate times have led me to a much lower opinion. See if desperate

Review – Apt Pupil

I guess it’s nice to see Hollywood take a risk once in awhile on a film that isn’t your usual feel-good happy-ending fare. And even after Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption, the last Stephen King tale I thought I’d ever see them make into a movie was this dark quarter of Different Seasons. I haven’t read the novella since high school, but I’m told by those who remember it better than I do that the movie isn’t all that faithful to the original plot. The homosexual overtones of the relationship between the old concentration camp guard and the boy who discovers his secret past were so pronounced that I’m a little surprised the gay community didn’t take an interest in protesting the film. The animal violence was also excessive, though at least here it was an integral part of the plot (still, really isn’t there a better way to establish the badness of a character without resorting to cheap stunts like torture of animals or children?). Mildly amusing

Review – Manhunter

Despite the heavy Miami Vice look and feel (and what else would you expect from Michael Mann), this is a fairly faithful adaptation of the first of Thomas Harris’ Lecter novels (which faithful readers will remember as The Red Dragon). Sure, the visuals and the soundtrack scream mid-eighties, and the production values aren’t quite as slick as the second Lecter movie. But somehow that gives it a charm all its own. Side note: I see that the psychotic psychiatrist’s name is spelled “Lecktor” in the credits; it’s “Lecter” in the credits for Silence of the Lambs, and since I don’t remember how it was spelled in the books I’ve decided to just go with the spelling I prefer. Mildly amusing

Review – Armageddon (1998)

Some movies are so bad that they actually make you mad. This one made me long for the end of the world (at least assuming this film isn’t showing in Hell, and I guess that’s probably not all that safe a bet). For openers, I can’t stand Bruce Willis. Actually, I don’t know the man personally, but I dislike the flabby, balding, blue collar hero out to save the world characters he usually plays. And you know when Steve Buscemi is the high point of a movie that the rest of it is pretty much unwatchable. For the most part this is two and a half hours (which seem like a whole lot more) of one poorly-directed action sequence after another. By the end it gets to the point where enough things have gone wrong for the sole purpose of prolonging the plot that it just seems like it’s going to go on forever. Even getting the opportunity to watch Paris getting blown to bits doesn’t save this stinker. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Operation Condor

Low production values. No plot to speak of. Awe-inspiring stunt work. Athletic, acrobatic flying fists of kung fu death. In other words, yet another typical Jackie Chan movie. This one finds Chan fighting bad guys who are after a hidden trove of Nazi gold. Worth seeing

Review – The Wedding Singer

I guess maybe I can’t really give an entirely neutral opinion of this one. Every once in awhile we all encounter a movie that we just have too much in common with not to like. That was the deal with this one, at least for me, right down to the whole wedding thing going on in 1985, the year I got married. All that aside, though, there were more than a few really good moments in this film, the jokes that work outnumbering the ones that didn’t by a considerable margin. Even Adam Sandler, normally an irritant, managed to drop his usual shtick long enough to make this movie. Worth seeing