Review – Downton Abbey: A New Era

At this point I think the only reason they’re still making these is to give every last one of the supporting characters a chance at a happy ending. It’s all sewn together with some nonsense about a surprise inheritance and a weak English manor house reheat of Singin’ in the Rain. If you’re not a fan of the series, this is completely missable. Even if you are a fan, don’t feel obligated. Mildly amusing

Review – Halloween Ends

This one made me sad. Not because of the whole “ends” thing, as I assume this is the end only of Blumhouse’s rights to the franchise. Even the apparently decisive conclusion, well, I’ve seen supernatural slashers find ways to walk away from worse. But this has less Michael Myers than any other movie in the set other than the third. Jamie Lee Curtis is still doing a professional job in her recurring role, but honestly at this point I feel like she’s earned a rest. I’m sure the audience has as well. See if desperate

Review – Tales from the Hood 3

This one lies somewhere between the excellence of the first one and the cheapness of the second. The bracket doesn’t amount to much, yet another waste of Tony Todd’s talent. But the four main stories are entertaining enough and more socially aware than the average low budget horror anthology. Mildly amusing

Review – Grimcutty

For the umpteenth movie version of the Slender Man, the monster here is reasonably entertaining. It’s a shame they don’t do much with it other than cheap jump scares. The plot is a batch of cold leftovers about teens who run afoul of a supernatural menace lurking in their social media. The only genuinely new thing here is the heavy reliance on “ASMR” whispering, which proves to be super annoying. See if desperate

No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to fail.

The following questions appear in Sporcle’s “James Bond Trivia” quiz. The whole thing is a ton more fun if you’re willing to get creative with the answers.

Actual answer: Orson Welles

Better answer: American Ornithologist James Bond

Actual answer: guns

Better answer: Roger Moore’s daughter, Deborah Moore

Actual answer: a toupee

Better answer: a monkey

Actual answer: made of licorice

Better answer: stuntman Bob Simmons

Actual answer: MI6

Better answer: David Bowie

Actual answer: Goldeneye

Better answer: Orson Welles

Actual answer: a body double

Better answer: men wearing blonde wigs

Actual answer: stuntman Bob Simmons

Better answer: a monkey

Actual answer: a member of the Nazi party during WWII

Better answer: a monkey

Actual answer: a laser beam

Better answer: a monkey

Review – Hellraiser (2022)

Oddly, this go-around looks and feels more like a Clive Barker story than the original, Barker-directed entry in the set. The dreaded box has several different configurations, each of which supposedly performs a unique function. Thankfully, they all summon Cenobites to tear into whatever unfortunate soul gets cut by the blade that pops out when the iteration is complete. Overall this is an entertaining blend of series conventions and new innovations. Mildly amusing

Review – Sea Fever

So is a movie that does a kinda okay job at several things the equivalent of a movie that does one thing really well? This story starts out with sea monsters but then segues awkwardly into an alien infection paranoia plot. The acting is good. The production values are good. But somehow it seems content to paddle around without ever really setting sail. Mildly amusing

Review – Shadow in the Cloud

As if we needed further proof that gremlins – the old school airplane attacking sort – can sustain a Twilight Zone episode but not much more. And that continues to puzzle me. This had many of the ingredients of a good horror movie, including a reasonably scary monster and a familiar face or two in the bomber-crew-sized cast. But then the protagonist gets stuck in the ball turret under a B-17, and the bulk of the rest of the movie happens in that limited space. Which isn’t as big a shame as it sounds, as almost all of the non-monster parts of the script (the majority of the production’s running time, by the way) was a dull soap opera rather than a frightening story or even an interesting history lesson. See if desperate