Review – The Mists of Avalon

This made-for-TV miniseries offers up an interesting new take on the King Arthur myth, a re-telling of the tale largely from the perspective of the female players therein. Also thrown in for good measure is a hefty dose of new age religion, a nearly constant dwelling on the desires of pagan goddess worshippers to get along with everyone, an agenda constantly thwarted by Saxons from without and Christians from within. Axe-grinding notwithstanding, the story here’s pretty good. If nothing else, it’s nice to see women get a fair shake in an epic saga. Even beyond that, the re-work of the classic tale includes more complex and logical character development (even if it does take on a slight soap opera flavor at points). I’ve some vague affection from the whole Arthur thing, so I admit I enjoyed a version that wasn’t as empty-headed as the usual production. Mildly amusing

Review – K-19: The Widowmaker

Man versus the Deep Blue Sea is reworked for the atomic age in this drama about a Soviet submarine crew battling nearly impossible odds just to keep their ill-outfitted boat from blowing up. The plot features all the usual cliché devices and characters: Harrison Ford and Liam Neeson square off as officers with differing views on the proper way to run a submarine, et cetera et cetera. The new wrinkle here is a malfunctioning reactor, adding radiation sickness to the usual mix of maritime drama. Frankly I could have done without it. Blowing up and drowning are one thing, but radiation for some reason strikes me as an especially icky way to die. Otherwise if you like tales of camaraderie overcoming all obstacles – or if you’re like me and you just like sub movies – then you’ll get your money’s worth. Mildly amusing

Review – Speed

This remains one of the all-time winners in the “what’s going to go wrong next?” sub-genre of the action movie. The basic premise is simple enough: a mad bomber puts a chunk of C-4 on a bus, and if the vehicle goes under 50 MPH it blows up. Every time Keanu Reeves (as the heroic young police officer) and Sandra Bullock (as the plucky young commuter) figure out how to overcome one obstacle, the script throws in another twist. By the time everyone finally gets off the bus, the story’s so wrinkled that it might just as well go back in the washer for another cycle (and remember to hang it up right away this time). If you’re a big fan of this kind of movie, well then you’re likely to love this one. However, I found Eddie Izzard’s 60-second summary of the plot – delivered in French – considerably more entertaining than the real thing. See if desperate

Review – Reign of Fire

Here’s a novel idea: a dragon movie set in the sci-fi future rather than the fantasy past. Funny thing is, it kinda works. The premise is that dragons have been awakened from an eons-old slumber and have taken over the world. Or to be more precise, they’ve turned the surface of the earth into ash and eaten everything (apparently if you’re a dragon ash tastes pretty good). By the time 2020 rolls around, humanity is down to small enclaves – the group in this story is in England, appropriately enough – hiding out and waiting for the beasts to starve and/or go back into hibernation. Naturally along comes an American to lead them against the sole male monster who turns out to be the key to the infestation. Despite a strong similarity to the bad guy in Dragonslayer, the monsters work well. If you can get past some of the obvious plot holes (for example, why is it that millions of sharp-eyed, flying creatures can’t find and devour even small enclaves of humans?) this is an entertaining and subtly environmentalist production. Mildly amusing

Review – Halloween: Resurrection

I don’t know where they dug this one up, but they probably should have left it buried. After taking a quick detour to finally at long last off Jamie Lee Curtis (though it should be noted that this isn’t the first time in the series that she’s been done in), Michael Myers returns once again to the house where it all started seven movies back. This time he doesn’t even have to go out for dinner; delivery comes in the form of six college students getting paid to spend the night in the Myers house as part of a MTV-style reality netcast. The mini-cams on the participants’ heads provide the director with copious excuses for gut-wrenching Blair Witch camera work. Beyond that unwelcome addition, however, there’s nothing fundamentally new here. If you’re doing the full set by all means take this one in, but otherwise watch the good ones and let this episode pass. See if desperate

Review – Patriot Games

I originally saw this in a theater right around the time I saw Stephen Seagal’s Marked for Death. The Seagal flick is about a man who protects his family from drug terrorists by personally killing the bad guys. This one, on the other hand, is about a man (Tom Clancy’s ubiquitous hero Jack Ryan, played by Harrison Ford) who protects his family from political terrorists by engaging a massive international effort – everything from CIA satellites to British commandos – to try to do them in. The two make an interesting couple. Contrast aside, this isn’t too bad for a big-budget international intrigue movie. The presentation of Irish politics is a little simple-minded, but I suppose that’s to be expected from a largely pro-English action movie. Mildly amusing

Review – Best Defense

Okay, start with the premise that there’s a defense contractor somewhere that’s pressed for cash and laying people off just because the company can’t make a working product. If only implausibility was this movie’s worst problem. Instead – as is typical with Dudley Moore movies – the worst problem here is Dudley Moore. He plays a loathsome little engineer (who was probably supposed to have come across as cute and endearing) whose job is on the line until he steals tank part plans and passes them off as his own designs. Uninteresting intrigue ensues. The high point of the picture are the brief flash-forward scenes in which a hapless tank driver (Eddie Murphy) struggles with the final product. Even there, racism makes it a little hard to enjoy the comedy (not to mention that the notion of Iraq invading Kuwait several years before it actually happened seems a little eerie in retrospect). See if desperate

Review – Waterworld

Yes boys and girls, there really was a time in Hollywood history when dumping millions upon millions on a self-indulgent stinkpot of a movie was actually viewed as an outrageous thing to do. At the time critics universally banded together to sing a chorus or two of “Hype Gets in Your Eyes,” whining about how terrible this action flick is based mostly on how much Kevin Costner persuaded investors to spend on it. In retrospect, then, it seems almost quaint rather than heretical. Sure, it’s bad. The premise – humanity living on the surface of a planet-spanning ocean caused by global warming – had at least a little potential. Naturally enough, however, the story plays out like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome relocated to the high seas. Expensive, yes. Stupid, certainly. But not as bad as it was originally made out to be. See if desperate

Review – Minority Report

A tale by Phillip K. Dick turned into a showcase of art direction and special effects? Wow, that’s never been done before. As in the past, this effort by Stephen Spielberg serves up a sappy story line parading wooden characters across elaborately-decorated sets. In keeping with Dick-based productions, the plot centers around elaborate twists and turns driven by technology; in this go-around cops use information from creepy psychics who live in a big tub to arrest murderers (or pre-murderers, if you prefer) before they can commit their special crimes. Tom Cruise stars as the chief pre-cop, forced to go on the lam when the psychics peg him as the next killer. Or do they? And so on. Some of the effects are kind of cool, particularly the snazzy future cars and the little spider robots the cops use to help track fugitives. Otherwise, however, you’d be somewhat better off renting Total Recall and a lot better off renting Blade Runner (two previous tales of future malaise courtesy Phillip K.). See if desperate