Review – Tinsel Town

For the most part this is every bit as terrible as one would expect from a holiday-themed rom com starring Kiefer Sutherland. The protagonist is a washed-up egomaniac actor who gets stuck performing in a Christmas pantomime play in rural England. In addition to predictable high jinks and plot twists, the production teaches a lesson here and there about panto traditions. Derek Jacobi (!) supplies a poignant moment amid the Hallmark-esque treacle. Mildly amusing

Review – An American Christmas Carol

I suppose it’s unfair to expect the relocation of Dickens’s famous story to Depression-era small town USA to be anything but grim. Unfortunately the script is so ham-handed that it’s hard to appreciate what might in other hands have been an intriguing twist. Henry Winkler stars in the Scrooge role, though in 1979 he was better suited for the flashbacks than for the main drama. See if desperate

Review – The Man Who Invented Christmas

I’ve long thought of Charles Dickens as the Stephen King of the 19th century, especially when he spun ghost stories such as A Christmas Carol. Thus as often as I’ve sat through the latter author’s considerable supply of protagonists with writer’s block, experiencing that as a primary plot factor here wasn’t exactly welcome. Despite being considerably oversold by its own title, this is an amusing little fictionalization of the creation of Dickens’s holiday classic. But with this budget and cast – particularly Christopher Plummer as Scrooge in the author’s imagination – a better movie might have been made. Mildly amusing

Review – Carol for Another Christmas

Ask Rod Serling to redo Dickens and you get pretty much exactly what you’d expect. Sterling Hayden takes on the Scrooge part, perfectly typecast as a crabby conservative corporate type clinging to his greed and xenophobia. The usual ghosts take him on an all extra preachy journey from the grim history of war profiteering to a post-nuclear-apocalypse world dominated by an insane cult leader (Peter Sellers). This plays like an extra-long, extra-strange episode of The Twilight Zone, which makes it an interesting look back into internationalist politics in the mid 1960s. Mildly amusing

Review – 8-Bit Christmas

I’d appraise this at around a quarter of the title’s stated value. Imagine A Christmas Story rewritten as a Nintendo ad, and you’ve got the gist of all but the last five minutes of this movie. And not only was the twist at the end syrupy sweet and more than a little implausible (even in the realm of Christmas miracles), but it also for no obvious reason redeemed a character who spent the rest of the movie being an asshole. The contrast provides an all too accurate comparison between the naive optimism of the early 1980s and the cynical stupidity of 2021’s retro version. See if desperate

Review – The Christmas Chronicles

Brother and sister face the holidays after the recent loss of their father and without their extra-shift-working mother. Left to their own devices, they end up waylaying Santa Claus, throwing all of Christmas into jeopardy. This would be another run-of-the-mill seasonal movie if not for some unwelcome twists. The disturbed family seems a little too disturbed for comfort, particularly the brother’s membership in a car theft ring, which comes across less as a youthful prank and more of a serious crime. But the real killer is Kurt Russell’s portrayal of Santa as a churlish jerk who acts like he’d rather get drunk and sing karaoke than spread Christmas cheer throughout the world. See if desperate

Review – The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two

Because someone at Netflix watched the first one and said to himself, “What this needed was way more Goldie Hawn.” In her defense, her wooden performance as Mrs. Claus to her real-life partner Kurt Russell’s Santa is far from the worst moment in this galling parade of holiday nonsense. The dysfunctional family from the original is back, this time magically transported from the beach vacation they’ve found ways to hate to the North Pole, where a rebel elf plots to take over Santa’s kingdom and ruin Christmas for everyone. Before the end of the picture we get an odd adaptation of the actual life of St. Nicholas, elves driven insane by a magic potion, Dasher mauled by a Yule Cat, and the whole mess tied up via time travel. Yeesh. See if desperate
 

Review – A Christmas Carol (1999)

Patrick Stewart takes the lead in this traditional re-telling of the familiar tale. The IMDb notes say that Stewart has also done a one-man performance of the story on stage, during which he plays more than 40 parts. That would be interesting to see, though of course it would have deprived us of a supporting cast of familiar faces in this adaptation. Mildly amusing

Review – A Christmas Carol (1984)

This straightforward, made-for-TV version of the Dickens classic has a surprisingly impressive cast. George C. Scott takes the lead. David Warner plays Cratchitt. Just about every role is a familiar face. And yet the part that stood out in my notes was Anthony Walters’s performance as Tiny Tim. Walters had never acted onscreen before and has done little in TV or movies since. But between his vaguely demented performance and corpse-like makeup, he was quite a departure from the sweet little cherubs they usually get for the role. Mildly amusing

Review – Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Lodge

Until some kind-hearted soul makes Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Codpiece, this will have to do. Amazingly this effort is even more Jeezified than the last one, though otherwise the two productions are on par with each other. The story here left me grateful that God’s compassion is infinite, because I’d hate to imagine Jesus taking time away from healing the sick and feeding the poor just to help a woman put a financing package together so she can pay for restoration work on the family’s vacation home. A Christmas Carol this ain’t. See if desperate

Review – A Christmas Carol (2009)

I liked this better than I thought I would, due in no small part to a surprisingly close correlation between the script and Dickens’s classic tale. Indeed, the only serious departure from the original text is an interminable hearse chase that serves no function other than prolonging the fourth chapter. Doing the whole production as a high-dollar computer animation also allowed the production to more faithfully recreate Dickens’s vision, particularly for the amorphous Spirit of Christmas Past. On the minus side, there’s the voice work for Scrooge (Jim Carrey) and the Spirits of Christmas Past (Jim Carrey) and Present (Jim Carrey). Overall I still like the Sim version better, but this has some good things going for it as well. Mildly amusing

Review – It’s a Wonderful Life

Frank Capra and Christmas were made for each other. They both require an uncritical audience willing to accept a certain amount of maudlin sentimentality. But if you’re in the mood for either, this is one of the best examples of both. Jimmy Stewart is likewise at his best as George Bailey, backed by an excellent supporting cast. Unlike other Capra efforts such as Mr. Deeds and Mr. Smith, this one isn’t about a rube triumphing over slick city folk. Instead it’s about the importance of simple goodness and how the world would miss it if it wasn’t there anymore. Under normal circumstances I’m far too cynical to fall victim to grade-A Capra corn like this, but around the holidays I sometimes find myself more receptive to the notion that there might be some hope for the human race after all. Worth seeing

Review – Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage

Well, at least it’s no worse than Kinkade’s paintings. For the most part this is Hallmark Channel treacle-y nonsense designed for people who can stomach the work of the so-called “Painter of Light.” The one bizarre anomaly here is the appearance of Peter O’Toole as Kinkade’s dying mentor. He’s supposed to be a kindly old gent, but age and hard living have taken their toll on O’Toole’s ability to portray normal human emotion. His smile in particular makes him look like he eats babies for breakfast. Though that doesn’t make this experience worth enduring (not much in the world can make up for even a brief appearance by Chris Elliot), it does lend an unintentional bit of delightful creepiness to an otherwise far-too-fluffy production. See if desperate

Review – The Polar Express

What a creepy movie. The look and feel of this picture are very much in keeping with the oddly disconcerting style of Chris van Allsburg, the author / artist of the book that inspired this production. As a shorter show this might have worked quite well. But in order to sustain a considerably longer running time, the story breaks up into a parade of episodic twists and turns that become tedious after awhile. The movie also relies to far too great a degree on the “lookey what we can do with our fancy computer animation” factor. The technical quality is good, but effects alone just don’t sustain a movie this long and plot-free. I also didn’t applaud the decision to have Tom Hanks voice all the male adult characters It’s not the worst Christmas show I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t as good as I hoped. Mildly amusing

Review – A Christmas Carol (1999)

Worst Dickens ever. I’ve seen this classic tale done by “talents” from Henry Winkler to Mickey Mouse, but honestly I’ve never seen such a parade of mediocre, phoned-in performances from experienced, professional actors. The odd part is that this is one of the few stories that can be overacted with impunity, and yet a cast full of folks with well-established histories of overacting decide to do little more than mumble their lines. Patrick Stewart in particular turns in one of the most lackluster jobs of his career, making his Scrooge almost impossible to feel for. Richard E. Grant also makes a crotchety Cratchet, his bad temper and bad teeth making him authentically English poor but not evocative of much sympathy. The ghosts were all weird as well, though the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come was the worst. He looked like an overblown refugee from Phantasm. As adaptations of Dickens’ novel grow more numerous and more technically sophisticated, it seems they also grow more soulless and dull. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Elf

This was the best two thirds of a Christmas movie I’ve seen in quite awhile. I’m not the biggest fan Will Ferrell ever had, and the premise – human raised by Santa’s elves seeks reunion with his biological father – seems more than a little silly. So I came into this expecting to hate it. But it swiftly won me over. The script was good, filled with quite a stock of amusing moments. Ferrell was his usual self, but even that kinda worked within the context of the movie. However, in the third act the production massively loses direction. It seemed like it ran out of wit and tried to skate through the final half hour on many of the same Christmas movie clichés that had been gently mocked up to that point. That’s really too bad, because if this show had just managed a stronger finish it would have been worth watching. Mildly amusing

Review – Scrooge

Despite dating all the way back to 1951, the Alistair Sim version of Dickens’ most famous work remains the favorite among many audience members, including me. Sure, Sim gets a little carried away at the end when he turns good and all, but he does a delightful job as the nasty Scrooge toward the beginning. This version also includes most if not all of the stock elements without trying to do anything excessively clever with them. Perhaps that’s why it’s endured as well as it has. It’s just the story, nothing more and nothing less. Worth seeing

Review – A Christmas Carol (1938)

Like most television owners who grew up in this society, I’ve seen several versions of Dickens’s best-known story. Of all the productions I’ve seen so far – or at least of all of them that tried to do a straight job of re-telling the story without re-setting it in Las Vegas or re-casting it with Woody Woodpecker or some such – this one is my least favorite. The film-makers appear to have been working with a much shorter running time than usual, and thus they seem to have had some tough choices on what to leave in and what to leave out. The result, unfortunately, comes across as a Cliff’s Notes summary of the tale. And that doesn’t work for me, because my favorite parts tend to be the small touches that each movie does a little differently, or in this case frequently not at all. They’ve also cut out a lot of the character development during the Ghost of Christmas Past part that helps make Scrooge seem less like a cartoon miser and more like a person who might have a normal human need for affection and repentance buried within him somewhere. And even if Jacob Marley doesn’t exactly make or break the whole show, he does at least set the stage. This has got to be the most lackluster Marley I’ve ever seen. Anyone who objects to the wailing, chain-rattling histrionics of the usual portrayal should see this one just so you can get a taste of how bad understating the character can be. See if desperate

Review – Scrooged

This film features two things that I normally don’t care for: Bill Murray and Christmas schmaltz. Oddly enough, however, both work in this 80s-ized retelling of Dickens’ holiday classic. Murray does his usual shtick, but here it’s less annoying and more a welcome respite from the traditional crotchety “bah humbug” portrayal of the protagonist. If you must do the whole seasonal movie thing, this one mixes enough sarcasm and physical comedy in with the sappiness to keep it from turning into yet another Christmas cliché. It also features a solid script, good music and a host of late 80s celebrity cameos. Worth seeing

Review – Miracle on 34th Street

Unless I missed something somewhere, this famous holiday tale enjoys the distinction of being the only Christmas film with a lawyer for a hero. That implausibility aside, this is a charming story about a Macy’s department store Santa turns out to be the real thing. Naturally the powers that be seek to have him locked up in an asylum, hence the lawyer crusading valiantly to prove that he actually is Santa Claus. The mix of cynical politics and hokey sentiment in the court scenes is an amazing bit of counterpoint from Hollywood in general and Christmas movies in particular. Not to mention cute little Natalie Wood as the cynical tyke who learns to have faith in the holiday spirit. Worth seeing