With many bad movies it’s easy to tell why they failed. A bad actor can mangle even the best of scripts. A hack director can cause no end of trouble. The sci fi genre in particular is legendary for taking solid premises and squandering them on weak productions.
But some pictures are so legendarily awful that one wonders why anyone ever thought they’d be worth making. Someone somewhere – producer, director, writer, actors, even casting agents – really should have spoken up with a simple “this is never going to work.” The following eight entries are just such productions. However, in an effort to be charitable to Hollywood, we’ll at least speculate about why these colossal flops might have seemed like a good idea.
The Last Action Hero
What they were probably thinking: Arnold fans will go see an Arnold movie no matter what. And we can add new audience members by making this a clever satire of the action genre.
Where it went wrong: The satire elements weren’t all that clever, and they failed to draw folks who weren’t action movie buffs. Further, the send-up of their beloved genre alienated the fans who might otherwise have flocked in droves. The comedy / action blend was uneven and confusing, and I think it left a lot of people with the vague suspicion that it was making fun of them.
The Godfather Part Three
What they were probably thinking: This worked twice before.
Where it went wrong: The third time was not the charm. Though specific changes such as replacing Robert Duvall with George Hamilton or casting the director’s daughter as an important character didn’t exactly help, the real problem here is that the whole Corleone thing (especially Al Pacino as Michael) has simply worn thin.
Waterworld
What they were probably thinking: Big star. Big budget. Popular genre. What could go wrong?
Where it went wrong: Kevin Costner builds a giant floating set. It sinks. He builds another. It sinks. Repeat another two or three times. When one receives such a clear warning from the Movie Gods, one must listen.
The Postman
What they were probably thinking: The last time we gave Kevin Costner millions of dollars to make an overinflated epic about a lone wolf making his way through a post-apocalyptic world, it made a ton of money and received universal critical acclaim.
Where it went wrong: Oh, wait.
Ishtar
What they were probably thinking: Audiences used to love all those Hope and Crosby road pictures. Maybe we could get that franchise going again with Hoffman and Beatty.
Where it went wrong: When talentless moron characters are played by talentless moron actors, it’s neither ironic nor funny. And speaking of Warren Beatty …
Bulworth
What they were probably thinking: This will be a clever send-up of racism in the United States.
Where it went wrong: This is a crass exploitation of racism in the United States. Once again Beatty counts on his sheer Beatty-ness to carry the picture. If only he really was as wonderful as he thinks he is, it might have worked.
Gigli
What they were probably thinking: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are a real-life couple, so perhaps their romance will translate to the silver screen.
Where it went wrong: Nope. No chemistry at all. In their defense – not that either of them deserves it – Hepburn and Tracy couldn’t have rescued a script this bad.
Havana
What they were probably thinking: Everybody loves Casablanca. Let’s remake it, only set it in Cuba during the collapse of the Batista regime. And Robert Redford would be perfect for Bogart’s role.
Where it went wrong: Did you ever have a meal in a restaurant that was totally delicious but you didn’t have quite enough appetite to finish it all so you took some home only to discover that when you reheated it later it tasted exactly like wet cardboard?
No comments:
Post a Comment