Review – The Devil Came on Horseback

When ex-Marine Brian Steidle took a job chronicling human rights abuses in Darfur, apparently he wasn’t prepared for what he’d find. This documentary takes us along as he photographs the corpses and wreckage left in the wake of atrocities committed by the Janjaweed (“Devils on Horseback”), Sudan’s death squads. It pretty much goes without saying that this is a depressing experience, but it’s also a good way to stop ignoring the problem and at least learn a bit about what’s going on. Mildly amusing

Review – Revelation

This picture marks a milestone in my movie-watching experience: it’s the first one I ever watched via the Internet (using Netflix’s newly-Mac-compatible “instant” option). I wasn’t at all disappointed by the technology (it’s not as good as a DVD, but for a lot of movies that’s no big deal). However, I am slightly sorry I didn’t mark the occasion with a better choice of picture. This is a mediocre bit of skullduggery clearly intended to cash in on the whole Da Vinci Code thing. Since ancient times the forces of darkness have been trying to locate a box containing blah blah blah so it’s fortunate that it’s protected by oh honestly nobody gives a damn. See if desperate

Review – Rough Magik

It’s actually a little hard to determine exactly what the title of this production is. The label on the DVD identifies it as “Dreams of Cthulhu Vol. 2: The Rough Magik Initiative.” Here I’m opting to go with what the show is called by its own title card, if for no other reason than it’s shorter. The production leads off with a disturbing bit of video of a mother and her kids getting a little too into the Cthulhu cult thing. From there it breaks with not much of a segue into the tale of a mythos-sensitive officer in the British Army encountering some evil business during the Falklands War. It’s a clever concept that unfortunately turns into a mediocre production. On the other hand, the disk also includes four shorts. “The Terrible Old Man” is a solid – and considerably less racist – version of the Lovecraft story. Likewise “From Beyond” sticks pretty close to the source story, a plus for those of us who like Lovecraft’s work but probably a minus for anyone who prefers the sex-intensive Stuart Gordon version. “Experiment 17” and “Experiment 18” are mockumentaries about Nazi tampering with the Necronomicon, not too inspirational but then not too long either. Worth seeing

Review – Mark of the Devil (1984)

Poor Dirk Bennedict. Right on the verge of his marriage to filthy rich and smokin’ hot Jenny Seagrove, his bad gambling debts catch up to him. In order to pay off the mob, he decides to steal from a tattoo artist who’s half Chinese and half Haitian. How much more voodoo can you mess with all at once? From a single stab from his victim’s needle, a macabre tattoo starts to grow. And grow and grow until it starts taking over his whole body. The concept is clever enough in a tattoo horror cliché sort of way, but the execution leaves something to be desired. Mildly amusing

Review – Carrie (2002)

Once again a Stephen King movie is subjected to an unnecessary remake. And once again it’s both longer and more watered-down than the original. If this had been the first film version of King’s first novel, it would have been okay, not actively offensive but likewise nothing to write home about. But since there’s already a good version out there, this just lacks a raison d’etre. Unless, of course, the new surprise ending is worth the three hours that precede it. Personally, I liked the old ending better. Mildly amusing

Review – Centipede!

Though this doesn’t have any direct connection to the video game of the same name (minus the exclamation point), I honestly would rather have spent an hour and a half blasting mushrooms and ducking spiders than sitting through stale tripe like this. A group of obnoxious American twentysomethings gets lost in a cave in India. It’s their double bad luck that the place is full of giant poisonous bugs and the local officials who are trying to rescue them are the Indian equivalent of the Keystone Kops. The only thing I find intriguing about productions like this is that they manage to be simultaneously implausible and predictable. See if desperate

Review – Cyclops

So what combination of words best augurs quality of this degree: “Sci Fi Channel presents” or “Eric Roberts”? And the two combined, well, there’s just no avoiding the creation of a picture like this. Apparently the Emperor Tiberius presided over a Rome about the size of Lawrence, Kansas (except of course Lawrence has a bigger stadium; the Colosseum in this thing is about the size of a high school gym). And after he’s killed by a CGI Cyclops (that might be a spoiler in a movie that isn’t so totally spoiled to begin with) Rome becomes a republic once again. Wow. See if desperate