Eight series that should have died after the second one

Oddly enough, this list was easier to produce than eight series that should have died after the first one. While it took us considerable work to come up with a solid list of one-hit wonders that should never have tried to keep going, discussion of two-hitters almost instantly yielded dozens of potentially good examples.

I’m not sure exactly why that is. In some of the sets listed below, the studios appear to have gotten nervous about marketing the same thing over and over and killed the magic by departing from the formula. Indeed, sometimes a departing director is at least partially responsible. But in others they stick faithfully to the recipe and still end up baking something unpalatable.

 

Frankenstein
This is the great-grandmother of all series that should have died sooner than they did. Though Bride of Frankenstein isn’t as tightly plotted as the original, in the second go-around the characters – especially the monster – develop more dimension. The visuals are more innovative. And overall it’s just plain spookier than the first one.

Ah, but then Universal figures it has a cash cow on its hands, and suddenly the monster blossoms into a series of mediocre-to-dreadful tales of mad science, match-ups with Dracula and/or the Wolfman, and other nonsense designed to do little beyond selling tickets.

Alien
Aside from Sigorney Weaver and aliens, the first two movies in this set don’t really have all that much in common. The original is a grim bit of horror and a key moment in the early days of gritty realism in science fiction cinema. The second is lighter on the horror and heavier on the action, but it’s still plenty entertaining.

Then for some reason the studio hired some music video hack with severe delusions about the quality of his vision to direct episode three. The result is some of the most boring, bizarre, filter-intensive crap ever committed to celluloid. After that they tried to get the series back on track by hiring popular actors for the fourth effort, but then they repeated the big mistake from number three by hiring an art movie director. And that was that, unless you count the Alien vs. Predator things.

Lethal Weapon
I admit that I liked the first one. Sure, it was formulaic. But at least they seemed to be having a bit of fun with it. Danny Glover’s understated performance was a great combo with Mel Gibson’s over-acted crazy. And who thought up the whole Three Stooges thing? Still, my favorite part was Gary Busey – back when his elevator still went all the way to the top or at least managed to clear the ground floor – as the creepy mercenary Mister Joshua. They should have kept him around for the sequel.

Instead, the second one did just about everything it could to stink. It’s wall-to-wall clichés. Suddenly Gibson’s character’s back story needs to be a significant part of the drama. And don’t get me started on the decision to add Joe Pesci to the mix. Still, there’s just something about watching Apartheid-era South Africa taking it on the chin. That by itself was enough to make this a fun watch.

Without that, however, the leftovers became inedible. Sure, they try some new spices here and there, such as cop-killer bullets and Rene Russo. But that just can’t disguise the fact that it’s the same stuff yanked out of the fridge and given a couple of minutes in the microwave.

Hellraiser
To be completely fair, this is a series that should have died after two and a half. The first one was flawed but innovative. The second worked well as an extension of the original. And as long as the third one stuck to exposition and back story, it did fine. But once Pinhead goes in search of new sidekicks – cobbling cenobites together from victims selected more-or-less at random – the relentless logic of the series gives way to poorly-written comic book action. It was a wrong turn that never comes close to being righted in any of the rest of the pictures in the set.

Oh, and like the battery-powered rabbit in the ad, this series just keeps going and going. As of this writing there are eight of them, which has to be some kind of record for distance traveled after brain death occurs.

Star Wars
Obviously this series couldn’t have stopped after the second (or if you’re going by Lucas numbering, the fifth) episode. The story had to reach its natural conclusion. It just didn’t have to do it the way it did.

The first one rose above mere movie and became a cultural phenomenon. Though the second one wasn’t as ground-breaking, in many ways it was a better movie. The characters are more interesting. The plot – freed of the need for a lot of explanation and exposition – was actually able to be a story. And above all, it was a lot of fun to watch.

Ah, but then along comes Return of the Jedi. Now we have loose ends to tie up. We have an empire to smash, a galaxy to save, and just a couple of hours to get it done. So where oh where to we get time for Ewoks? With the first two I wanted them to go on far longer than they did. In number three it was hard not to notice points where cuts could easily have been made. So even though this series had to go to three, it stopped being good after two. And it certainly didn’t need to go to six. The new ones are almost exclusively special effects showcases and unending parades of character and plot mistakes.

Major League
I have long been of the opinion that the first two pictures in this set could be edited down to one really good movie. If all the girlfriend nonsense and other time-wasting sub-plots were cut out, between the two of them would lie a genuinely hysterical baseball comedy.

But number three contributes absolutely nothing. It’s a purely dreadful straight-to-video sports sitcom, connected to one and two only by the re-appearance of a handful of cast members. The first two weren’t exactly immortal classics of the silver screen, but if they had to have a follow-up at all, they deserved better than this.

Batman
What is it about superhero series that makes them die after the second round? These things should be able to go on forever. Particularly with heroes such as Batman and Superman, film-makers have decades worth of comic books full of plots and characters that can be pirated. But for some reason superheroes only seem to supply enough juice for two pictures. Spider-Man 3, Superman 3, X-Men 3 – heck, even Robocop 3 – just aren’t as good as the first pairs in their sets.

However, the Batman series supplies us with a failure that’s easier to trace to its roots. The first two are classy, quirky, Tim Burton productions. But as soon as Burton bails, the set takes a distinct turn for the Adam West and Burt Ward. The change wasn’t absolutely essential. Neither Val Kilmer nor George Clooney was exactly born to play Bruce Wayne, but then neither was Michael Keaton. Jim Carrey was practically born to play the Riddler, but that’s sorta symptomatic of the problem. It all just becomes too cartoony.

The Godfather
This is the all-time godfather of reasons why you should quit while you’re ahead. The first one was a cliché factory, a picture brimming with iconic moments and characters. The second one cheats a bit, splitting into two separate but integrated sub-movies. But I’m willing to forgive a little chicanery because together they make a movie even better than the first one.

Oh, but then comes number three. Shot and released more than a decade after the first ones, it contains almost none of the magic that made its older brothers soar. The cast is weak (even though many of them are repeating roles they should be long familiar with). Al Pacino in particular seems to have lost the ability to act. And the story has replaced street-level violence and political dogfighting with squabbles at shareholders’ meetings. The pain of the first two is in watching Michael Corleone get dragged under by the tide of crime. Here he suffers mostly because he’s lived long enough to see himself become irrelevant. What a bathetic end to an otherwise wonderful series.