Taxing time

Oh local newscasters. Oh billboards. Oh giant signs on the sides of downtown buildings. Oh national newscasters. Oh local newscasters (again). Oh underemployed people dressed as Uncle Sam or the Statue of Liberty.

Quit nagging me about my taxes. Ugh.

In a stand-up performance I watched earlier this week, Jake Johannsen pointed out how much easier it would be if the government would just take what it had coming and leave us the rest. “Once a year,” he pointed out, “they make us do a complicated math problem. And if you get it wrong, you go to prison.”

To that I’ll add that not even the insurance industry does business this way. Even those expert robbers can be trusted to give a reasonably straight answer when asked how much something is going to cost. They don’t want us to figure it out for ourselves (though if they did, I’m sure they’d punish us for getting it wrong).

I managed to get my paperwork done and in on time, which was easier at the state level where we’re practically forced to e-file than it is at the federal level where they’re still charging for the privilege. So why doesn’t the federal government save millions in processing costs by making e-filing available for free to everyone? Well, think of all the folks who wouldn’t be making money if they couldn’t charge customers for this simple service.

Now extend that to the concept of a flat tax. If the government actually took the suggestion from Johannsen (and me and thousands of other flat tax advocates) and put an end to the madness, what would happen to all the tax lawyers? And on a less “no, not the cockroaches!” note, what about the charities that depend on the tax-deductible quality of their support?

And just think of the poor people who could no longer make low wages by dressing up as beloved American icons and standing on the curb in the freezing cold and pouring rain screaming “tax time!” Billboard companies. Sign designers. And of course the local newscasters. Because if they aren’t nagging us about our taxes, they’ll have to go back to stories about some guy in Raymore who miraculously grew a potato that looks just like Harry Truman.

At least I waited until after April 15 to post this. I’d hate to add to the problem.