Legal and marketing need to talk more often

So some guy sues PepsiCo, claiming that he found a mouse in a bottle of Mountain Dew.

Possible PepsiCo responses:

1. No you didn’t.

2. And even if you did, we have enough lawyers to turn your frivolous suit into your darkest nightmare. We’ll bury you under so much paper that Hoarders will show up to do an episode about you.

3. Um, you know those bottles are made of transparent plastic, right? So you surely should have seen the alleged mouse before you took a big swig.

4. And if you’re suing us just because of an alleged mouse that you didn’t even drink, what’s your recovery? A buck and a half for a bottle of Mountain Dew? Or are you going for millions based on the mental anguish caused by a dead mouse? Good luck proving that eggshell skull nonsense.

5. Did we mention “no you didn’t”?

Instead, here’s what Pepsi went with:

6. You couldn’t have found a mouse in a bottle of Mountain Dew because Mountain Dew contains chemicals that would have dissolved the mouse into a wad of gelatinous goo.

You guys seriously need to work that into your next ad campaign. “Cool, refreshing, mouse-dissolving Mountain Dew. Introduce it to your digestive tract today!”

Yum-O!