Farewell, my curmudgeon

This coming Sunday Andy Rooney will do his last segment for 60 Minutes, capping off more than half a century of annoying the crap out of audiences. Now future generations will have nobody to encourage them to ponder the mysteries of why coffee cans contain less coffee than they used to, what Lady Gaga thinks she’s doing, why computers need to be replaced more frequently than typewriters, how hard the Pope’s job must be, what it feels like to be punked by Sacha Baron Cohen, and how much simpler and cheaper everything was when I was your age.

Spot the fake story in that list. Hint: none of them.

In honor of Rooney’s professional passing, I’d like to share one of my favorite quotes from the Book of Beavis:

“Why do they call it ‘taking a dump’? You aren’t taking anything. They should call it ‘leaving a dump.’

“Funk dat!”