Pants on your head

I was going to ignore this whole thing. I really tried to.

On January 13 General Larry Platt, a respected civil rights activist with the demeanor of a homeless street performer capped off American Idol with a spirited performance of a self-composed piece entitled “Pants on the Ground.” The routine was a welcome bit of levity at the end of one of the worst Idol kick-offs in the show’s history, not to mention an apt criticism of one of the most obnoxious fashion trends in recent memory.

But in the grand style of American media, things went on from there. Brett Favre (current star of at least one TV ad for jeans) and his teammates sang the song on video in the locker room. Jimmy Fallon did a parody version. Someone with a voice filter and a still photo of the Chipmunks did a squeaky version on Youtube. Platt showed up on the red carpet at the Grammys and did a reprise.

This has to be one of the proudest moments for jeans manufacturers since they used the Peace Corps to convince white people in the ‘burbs that dungarees weren’t just for bikers anymore. Look all you fashion mavens of the lower classes! The TV is mocking you for wearing baggy pants. Time to rush off to the store and buy clothes that actually fit.

What can this masterpiece of marketing synergy do for an encore? Fast forward a couple of years. American Idol 2012 now features none of the original cast of judges. Simon Cowell has given way to Robot Simon Cowell, a box that sits on the table next to a Coke cup and dispenses random insults when its button is pushed. Randy Jackson has been replaced by CGI Scooby Doo.

The final contestant of the first show is … well, honestly it could be anyone from another local hero to a Wayans brother desperate for money. The person’s identity is irrelevant, because his entire head is obscured by an upside-down pair of pants. With no introduction, he bursts into song:

Pants on your head
Pants on your head
Lookin’ mighty cool
With your pants on your head
Can’t see where you walk
Unzip them to talk
Lookin’ mighty cool
Got your pants on your head.

In the days that follow, the quarterback for the Chiefs plays an entire game with pants on his head (hey, how much worse could it be?). Seth Myers writes a skit for SNL in which Barack Obama delivers the State of the Union with pants on his head. Alvin and the Chipmunks IV: Pants on Your Head.

Jeans sales double. Truth, justice and the American Way prevail once again.