Review – Mystery on Monster Island

This movie needed way more Tina. I watched this thinking that with Peter Cushing in it that it might be a Hammer or at least Hammer-esque horror picture. No such luck. The biggest mystery here is why this place is called Monster Island. Yeah, it’s got some kind of big, blue, vaguely-dinosaurish thing that puts in a brief appearance. Some guys draped in seaweed drop in. And of course our hero’s ship is destroyed by road-flare-wielding beasts that look like a blend of Barney the Purple Dinosaur and the Sleestak from “Land of the Lost.” Other than these fleeting moments, this is an exceptionally tedious excuse for a low-budget British comedy. The curly-haired protagonist gets stranded on a tropical island, but rather than Brooke Shields he gets a wimpy male dance instructor. Then cannibals show up, introducing an especially offensive racial element. Then there’s the woman in the feathered cape. Then there are the treasure hunters out for … well, you can see where this is going, which is nowhere. Cushing is long gone, but I’d think Terence Stamp might take an interest in buying up all the copies of this to spare himself (and us as well) the humiliation. Wish I’d skipped it