Review – Do the Right Thing

This “hot, summer day in the life of Bedford-Stuy” is a simple yet eloquent treatment of our culture’s awkward approach to race relations. Spike Lee does a masterful job of populating his movie with genuine characters and situations as authentic as they are entertaining. One simply cannot help but feel the joys and sorrows of the people striving to get along, or at least achieve some sort of uneasy peace. The only caveat I attach to my whole-hearted recommendation of this film is the strong suggestion that you see the uncut version; Standards and Practices does such a dreadful job on the edited-for-TV copy (who the hell says “mickey fickey”?) that you really need to see the movie as the director made it. Buy the tape

Review – Ice Station Zebra

I’ve been curious about this movie for many years not because of the production itself but because the legendary Howard Hughes is supposed to have run private screenings in his isolated penthouse and watched it over and over and over again. Now that I’ve seen it, just about the only conclusion I can reach should probably be self-evident: you’d have to be some kind of nut to watch this more than once or twice, let alone hundreds of times. It’s not a terrible movie as Cold War Hollywood thrillers go. In fact, some of the submarine-related action is sort of cool (even if it does get a little tedious after awhile). The intrigue concerning film from a spy satellite could have been more exciting, but I guess it wasn’t the end of the world. So I wouldn’t oppose a single viewing. But if you start getting the hankering to watch it repeatedly, especially if the craving is accompanied by a desire to stick Kleenex boxes on your feet or indulge in unnecessary blood transfusions, better seek help while you still can. See if desperate

Review – Tommy

The Who and director Ken Russell serve up the quintessential “rock opera,” an amazing bit of self-aggrandizement that floats somewhere between vaguely clever and virtually unwatchable. I suppose fans of the group will probably get a bigger kick out of the music than I did, even though part of it’s being belted out by several actors – including Ann Margaret, Oliver Reed and Jack Nicholson – with dubious singing credentials. I got a genuine kick out of the Acid Queen, Cousin Kevin and Uncle Ernie sequences, though that might have been just because the numbers involved at least simulated physical discomfort for protagonist Roger Daltrey. And of course Ann-Margaret rolling around in a mess of beans and chocolate syrup is a sight everyone should see at least once. But beyond that, this tale of a “deaf, dumb and blind kid” who achieves divinity through suffering and pinball is far too stupid and self-indulgent to come anywhere close to being as profound as it seems to think it is. See if desperate

Review – The Art of War

Somewhere here, buried under a load of uninteresting international intrigue, is a passable action movie. Wesley Snipes stars as a top secret operative for the United Nations (yeah, no kidding) who helps the Secretary General deal with tricky situations. By the time the story plays out, our hero has been pitted against sinister Chinese businessmen, fanatical right-wing American conspirators, and no end of assassins. The action scenes are good without being great, but the movie tends to bog down a bit between gunfights. Mildly amusing

Review – Shriek

I guess if they’d called it “Yawn” they probably would have sacrificed audience for the sake of honesty. Once again Full Moon takes a handful of good concepts and squanders them pointlessly on yet another low-budget mess of a horror movie. And when I say “takes,” I mean that fairly literally. Fans of Curse of the Demon will recognize more than a little M.R. James at the heart of this stinker. Cryptic parchments and the like aside, however, this swiftly devolves into just another college-students-stalked-by-rubber-monster flick. If only Full Moon’s producers would take the cash they blow on starlets willing to take their shirts off and redirect it to writers capable of stringing more than two or three thoughts together into a coherent, compelling plot, maybe someday they could actually churn out something worth watching. But then again, would the target audience really care? Or worse, wouldn’t the fans of full frontal nerdity that rent these stinkers feel more than a little cheated by a script-over-skin approach? So who am I to tell these guys their business? See if desperate

Review – The Bounty

This time around we’re being treated to Mel Gibson’s Fletcher Christian and Anthony Hopkins’ Captain Bly (with Liam Neeson thrown in for good measure as a surly sailor). It’s a wonder that all the ship-board scenery chewing didn’t end up drowning the entire cast. By the time this version of the classic mutiny drama came out, filmmaking conventions had evolved to the point where it was possible to shoot fairly graphic depictions of nudity (mostly female) among the Tahitians and the brutal violence of shipboard discipline. Plus the cinematography and soundtrack are beautiful. Otherwise what we’ve got here is a simple, straightforward, standard version of one of the low points in British naval history. If you’re looking for a little heart-of-oak drama, you could probably do worse. Mildly amusing

Review – Freak

I’m willing to bet that the box this video came in cost more to produce than the movie itself. This is cheap even by low budget horror standards, not only in production values but also in the quality of the acting (if you can call that acting) and the script (assuming there ever was one). Just about all the usual conventions of film-making, from small things like continuity all the way up to major things like dialogue and story, are almost completely absent from this amateurish mish-mash. What little plot is present appears to have been pilfered from Halloween (escaped psycho on the rampage, and so on). Of all the characters in the movie, the one with the most personality is a pet ferret, and it conveniently – if awkwardly – vanishes from the production after serving its purpose. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Lost Souls

This is what New Line decided to pit up against Warner’s re-release of The Exorcist? This movie got on my bad side almost right from the very beginning, leading with a quote about Satan from “Deuteronomy Book 17”; I don’t know if that’s meant to be a reference to chapter 17 of the Book of Deuteronomy, but if so then it’s a fake because the quote isn’t in there. Strike two is the pretentious art direction and cinematography. Honestly, I don’t think there’s a single second of natural, unfiltered light in the entire movie. Strike three is the almost constant chain smoking by just about every character in the entire movie (especially professional chimney Wynona Ryder); I don’t object to an occasional butt or two, but here it’s just obsessive. Strike four is the empty-headed excuse for a story about an author who apparently is about to become the Antichrist without knowing it. Strike five is the copious “borrowing” from other movies, including its aforementioned competition. Strike six is ... well, let’s just say this stinker has had its time at the plate and leave it at that. Goodness knows that if my griping about this dog is anywhere near as boring as the movie itself then you probably already stopped reading this review. See if desperate

Review – Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man

Not even a “versus,” huh? They just meet? I dunno. Doesn’t sound all that exciting. And in fact it doesn’t turn out to be anyone’s finest moment. This go-around is primarily a sequel to The Wolf Man, and like its predecessor this one stars Lon Chaney Jr. Bela Lugosi plays the other half of the title bill, donning the makeup his nemesis Boris Karloff made famous. Though I hate to say anything bad about Lugosi, the brutal truth is that he spends most of this production looking and acting like a sluggish, re-animated major domo. The de rigeur mad scientist’s task is to 1. kill Lawrence Talbot, who desperately wants to pass on before the full moon once again transforms him into a rampaging beast, 2. either kill or re-energize his father’s and/or grandfather’s monster, and 3. keep the usual pack of torch- and pitchfork-wielding villagers from putting a timely end to the plot. If you’re a big fan of the classic Universal monsters, this effort serves up at least a couple of them for you. Mildly amusing

Review – Anna and the King

For anyone who ever wondered what The King and I would be like without the musical numbers, here’s the answer. Jodie Foster and Chow Yun Fat star as the famous schoolteacher and her equally famous boss in this big budget retelling of the old, familiar story. To be sure, events are stripped of much of their sugar coating. For example, things end not at all well for Tuptim and her beau, both of whom suffer a graphic fate. The location shooting also contributes to a greater sense of realism. Oddly enough, however, this version dishes up a substantially happier (and more than a little implausible) ending than the musical. The result is entertaining enough, but not quite the classic that the Yul Brynner version has become. Mildly amusing

Review – Bordello of Blood

Tales from the Crypt really puts the bore in bordello with this stinker. In the fine tradition first pioneered in “Demon Knight,” here we have another parade of stupid vampire clichés trotted out as a cheap excuse for a plot. “Borrowing” from other pictures – especially From Dusk Til Dawn – is also plentiful. Cast-wise, Chris Sarandon has already demonstrated his willingness to play along with crap like this. But Dennis Miller? When this first came out, his career was on a high note. Desperate for attention? Expensive coke habit? Only Miller knows for sure. Beyond his mailed-in performance, there’s little or nothing here for anyone besides a humor-impaired, date-free, horny teenage boy. See if desperate

Review – Pearl Harbor

I saw this movie a week or so after hearing a story on the radio about the picture’s premiere in Japan. At the time I wondered how on earth Hollywood could ever market such a thing to the descendants of the bad guys. Now it’s apparent to me: the Japanese – brief though their roles are in this three-hour monster – are the closest this idiotic tale ever comes to characters who act from motivations that seem in any way noble or honorable. And given that they’re sneak-attacking and killing without mercy, that should give you some idea of just how pathetic the rest of the characters turn out to be. Honestly, I wish these hyper-macho fighter jockey types could just come out and admit that they’re in love with each other so they won’t have to complicate their lives with women. Beyond the sickly sweet Harlequin romance between the guys and the love interest (and between the guys themselves – honestly, this is the gayest movie I’ve seen this side of Acres of Ass Part 3, and this parade of closet cases lacks pornography’s healthier, open acceptance of gay sexuality), this picture sports maybe a half an hour or so of exciting, effects-intensive battle sequences, a dose of selectively-accurate history, a lot of thinly-disguised military recruiting propaganda and not a lot of anything else. In the end the planes came nowhere close to making the rest of the agonizing experience worthwhile. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Paths of Glory

This is one of the finest (if not in fact the absolute best) court-martial movie ever made. Kirk Douglas stars as a French officer in World War One who faces the grim task of defending three of his soldiers against charges of cowardice, an impossible task in light of the high command’s desire to make an example of the men. In addition to the interesting plot, excellent script and fine acting, this film was Stanley Kubrick’s first big break as a director. Even in this early stage in his career, his attention to aesthetic detail serves to make a good movie into a great piece of cinema art. My only gripes are that it occasionally gets a bit too sentimental (especially at the very end), and it seems almost too short to sustain the amount of dramatic content to be found between opening and closing credits. Buy the tape

Review – Shrek

Usually when everyone I know tells me that a particular movie is a must-see and I’m absolutely going to love it, I’m absolutely going to hate it. It’s not that everyone I know has bad taste in movies. It’s just that glowing reviews put the pressure on me to develop affection, and I guess I don’t respond all that well to the challenge. However, every once in a great while a film will come along that gets heaps of praise and actually turns out to deserve it. This is such a movie. To be sure, a fair amount of the humor (especially the copious fart jokes) is more than a little on the juvenile side. But in an animated feature, I expect that’s to be expected. Further, the importance-of-inner-beauty moral gets a bit too thick, especially toward the end. But shortcomings are more than made up for by the clever spin placed on a whole host of fairy tale clichés, not to mention the high-quality, 3-D rendered computer animation. The final product is one of those rare movies to which parents can take their kids and end up with everyone thoroughly amused. The DVD also includes a host of extras. Worth seeing

Review – The Shawshank Redemption

When it comes to Stephen King’s Different Seasons, I prefer “Apt Pupil” to “Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.” But when it comes to film versions, I like this one better than the rest (at least to date). To be sure, it’s got its faults, not the least of which is the almost constant, overwhelming sentimentality. But the script’s not too bad, and the cast (headed by Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins) does a good job with their roles. Touchy-feely flicks about prison life aren’t my usual cup of tea, inasmuch as I’ve generally got little tolerance for the very-few-women male bonding festivals. But if you’re in the mood for that sort of thing then this is a reasonably well-crafted specimen thereof. Mildly amusing

Review – Anatomy

After the Germans pioneered horror cinema back in the days before talkies, their contribution to the genre went more than a bit downhill. However, if this effort is any indication they may be on the rebound. Here we have the tale of a medical student who gets accepted to a prestigious anatomy school in Heidelberg only to discover that the place is infested by a secret society of “anti-Hippocratics” intent on vivisecting paralyzed human subjects. Though beset by a number of boring, slasher-movie conventions (especially toward the end), there’s also some more thought-provoking stuff to be found, including questions of research-over-ethics that delve not only into the country’s Nazi past but also into the current affairs of large drug companies looking to cut corners. The visuals are also slick and stylish without being quite as pretentious as more Wenders-inspired work sometimes tends to be. Indeed, my only real gripe was that in the version I saw the dubbing was a bit awkward and some of the dialogue (particularly attempts at humor) didn’t translate especially well. Otherwise this is the best horror movie in years to make a westward trip across the Atlantic. Worth seeing

Review – Lolita

When this Kubrick classic first came out in 1961, the ads asked the question, “How did they ever make a movie out of Lolita?” After all the intervening years and multiple viewings, I confess I’m still a little mystified by that very issue. I mean really. A movie in which a child molester is the hero? Somehow it just doesn’t seem like the sort of thing Hollywood would usually want to touch. But touch it they did, with outstanding results. Some Nabokov fans argue that the film version doesn’t live up to the source novel, and to be sure a few liberties have been taken here and there (in particular, the title character in the book was considerably younger than actress Sue Lyon appears to be in the movie). However, Nabokov did write the screenplay used for this production, so perhaps that should be at least some small comfort. Further, what the movie lacks in plot nuance it more than makes up for with Stanley Kubrick’s excellent visual sense and Peter Sellers’ outstanding performance as quirky Claire Quilty. Despite (or perhaps at least in part because of) the outré theme, this rare piece of vintage cinema is worth at least a look (and probably more; I notice new things every time I see it). Buy the disc

Review – Tomcats

The press kit for this stinker came with a free pair of boxer shorts, which is about as close as anything connected herewith ever came to being entertaining. The story’s a typical tale of a group of guys whose sexuality got arrested somewhere around the girls-have-cooties stage of development. Our heroes (for want of a better term) set up a tontine that reeks of closet sexuality: whoever stays single longest gets the cash. Naturally enough, the contest comes down to two: the good guy who needs the money so Vegas hoods won’t kill him and the man-slut jerk who has all the cash he needs but insists on playing the field. And again naturally enough, they both end up falling for the same woman, who of course loves good guy despite being in cahoots with him to lure bad guy into a marriage of financial convenience. Anyone want to guess how it comes out? See if desperate