Review – The Fly (1986)

With all due respect to Dead Ringers, this has got to be Cronenberg’s magnum opus of ickiness. Though the effects are occasionally a bit on the cheap side, the script’s not too bad (the “Be afraid, be very afraid” line has become legend). And hey, let’s face it: Bill-Gates-cum-giant-psychotic-insect is the role Jeff Goldblum was born to play. Mildly amusing

Review – The Fifth Element

The special effects and art direction are the highlights of this space opera. Otherwise the film limps along with an occasional quirk or amusing sight gag. But the plot’s pretty predictable, driven by equal parts crystal healing nonsense and patented Bruce Willis obnoxious shtick. See if desperate

Review – Switchback

Here’s yet another attempt to pass off a lot of unbelievable plot twists and a handful of expensive stunt work as a taut thriller. The acting’s not too bad, with Danny Glover as a deranged slasher (oops, I think that’s supposed to be a big secret) and Dennis Quaid as the hard-driven FBI agent on his trail, backed up by a reasonably believable ensemble. And for what it’s worth, some of the stunts aren’t too bad, especially the stuff on the train at the end. But really over the long (nearly two hours) haul, it doesn’t return your investment. Mildly amusing

Review – The Real Blonde

Men are shallow. Women are neurotic. Successful relationships are built on self-actualization rather than honest communication. If we feel better about ourselves, our sex lives will improve. There, now you got the whole point of this movie. The closest any of it comes to being engaging is a subplot involving one of the neighbors of the shallow yuppie protagonists, an elderly black woman whose dog is stolen (for no apparent reason) at the beginning of the movie. Wondering whether or not the dog is going to return is about the only thing that kept me watching. See if desperate

Review – In the Mouth of Madness

If John Carpenter films in general are an acquired taste, then Carpenter directing a Lovecraft pastiche must really be intended for a specialized audience. This film also suffers from weak effects work (if he wanted Rob Bottin, why didn’t he just hire Rob Bottin?) and a weak ending. As with Prince of Darkness, the film gets off to a strong start but ultimately promises more than it can deliver (though it neither starts as strong nor finishes as weak as PoD). If you enjoy the occasional Lovecraftian tale, this film will provide a chuckle or two. Otherwise you can safely stay away. Mildly amusing

Review – The Rainmaker

Matt Damon is the most insufferable Grisham hero since Tom Cruise. Honestly, must we endure legal shenanigans perpetrated by such earnest, clean-scrubbed young men? Okay, I admit that I read the book, so really I knew pretty much what I was in for. I just find lawyer movies so painful (with precious few exceptions). See if desperate

Review – Matinee

If you’re a fan of the work of sensation-meister William Castle, you’ll love Joe Dante’s homage to him. John Goodman does an excellent job playing the inventor of such devices as Percepto (sort of a joy buzzer for theater seats), and even the parade of subplots (ranging from teen romance to the Cuban missile crisis) all seem to flow together pretty well. The scene where Lawrence Woolsey (Goodman) explains the magic of exploitation films is not to be missed. Buy the tape