Review – Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD

Marvel Comics seems to take its products in one of two different cinematic directions: high quality film-making and made-for-TV crap. What does David Hasselhoff’s presence in the lead suggest about which direction they chose here? And that really broke my heart. I was a big fan of Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos when I was a kid, and I remember liking his espionage reincarnation as well. A lot of what was appealing about the comics was their comic-ness, so I’m not sure a better movie could have been made out of them. But then, I would have thought the same thing about Spider-man. And in any event, I would have liked for them to have at least tried. See if desperate

Review – Wordplay

This is the third documentary I’ve seen recently about people obsessed with words. The key difference between this tale of a national crossword contest and the first two (targeting Scrabble and spelling bee folk) is that the subjects are portrayed as relatively normal people rather than monomaniacal nuts. Film-making techniques (particularly editing) might have had something to do with it. But another big factor seems to be the nature of crosswords themselves. Unlike board games and spelling contests, puzzles aren’t inherently competitive. The troubles adapting crosswords to a contest environment shows up in several points (particularly the ending). The overall impression is that the people who obsess over crosswords are a good deal different than their counterparts in other word game realms. The change is refreshing; this was a much more pleasant picture to watch than the other two. Mildly amusing

Review – An Inconvenient Truth

What a disappointment. The hype made this sound like a ground-breaking documentary about global warming. What we get instead is a 90-minute-long lecture from former Vice President Al Gore about the morality of carbon emissions. What he says is right. It’s how he says it that’s the problem. He’s got a lot of fancy graphics, but Gore’s delivery is still like watching paint dry. As a teacher, he’s the kind of professor who appeals only to a small sect of particularly obsessive grad students. I was also put off by the references to the 2000 election. If Gore’s doing some early stumping for 2008, he would have gotten a lot farther with this voter by dwelling less on the Florida ballot irregularities and saying a lot more (presuming there’s more to be said) about his pro-environment accomplishments during the prior eight years. Indeed, the whole thing was very long on problem identification and very short on solutions. “Shoot your car” simply seems inadequate. Mildly amusing

Review – Why We Fight (2006)

This documentary gets off to a good start: a title borrowed from the classic Capra propaganda series and opening footage of an important speech from outgoing President Eisenhower. This of course introduces the theme of the production: the rise of the “military industrial complex” in the second half of the 20th century. The bulk of the movie is reasonably well put together. It’s a little short on detail, but that’s likely because the filmmakers apparently feel the need to prove their basic thesis over and over. Still, I can’t really fault them for their approach. I wish we didn’t live in a world where the close relationship between war and profit required exposure, but I suspect that many members of the viewing public do in fact require this thorough explanation, however basic it might be. Mildly amusing

Review – The Libertine

Much fuss has been made over the years about Hollywood’s corrupting influence on America’s youth. In response, Tinseltown would be well advised to use this particular production as its first line of defense. Kids should be forced to watch this movie, the argument would go, because it will convince them that sex is so deadly dull that nobody in his or her right mind would ever want to try it. Johnny Depp stars as a thoroughly debauched English lord who develops an obsessive interest in an actress. However, my favorite cast member has to be John Malkovich. As the King of England he delivers his lines in such a high-speed mumble that it’s often unclear whether or not he’s even speaking English. I thought about turning the subtitles on, but then I didn’t get the impression that the story would be all that much more interesting if the dialogue had been intelligible. See if desperate

Review – Just Married

Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy star in this romantic comedy about a young couple whose European honeymoon reveals that they don’t have all that much in common. He’s a sports-obsessed mook, and she’s an educated but spoiled rich kid. Hilarity ensues. Or to be more precise, hilarity occasionally occurs in isolated spots devoted to simple gags and physical comedy. The rest of the picture – particularly the long, drawn-out wrangling over relationship woes – is more than a little dull. The show also wears out a good chunk of welcome early on when he accidentally kills her dog and then lies to her about it. See if desperate

Review – Night of the Dead

Gore just isn’t enough anymore, assuming that it was ever self-sufficient to begin with. This picture is further proof, as if any were really necessary. There’s a plot in here someplace, but honestly the story and characters aren’t much more than an excuse to keep the cherry Kool-ade flowing and provide an excuse for an occasional boob shot. The mad-scientist-bringing-the-dead-back-to-life-with-a-serum-that-produces-disasterous-results must have been what prompted all the DVD box references to Re-Animator. Otherwise all the two productions have in common is a devotion to cheap thrills (even cheaper here than in the earlier “classic” of exploitation horror). Wish I’d skipped it