Review – Alice

Jan Svankmajer’s version of the classic Lewis Carroll tale plays like a Rankin Bass holiday animation on PCP. Not since Dreamchild has Alice in Wonderland gotten such a disturbing work-over. And while Henson and company appeared to be trying to make some kind of point about child molesters, the creepiness here seems to be outré gratia outré. Some of it works in an odd way (which is about the only way it could work). But other parts come across as a little tedious. The disc also includes Svankmajer’s somewhat famous short, “Darkness, Light, Darkness.” Mildly amusing

Review – Sing Faster

Here we have a backstage view of a production of Wagner’s ring trilogy, only rather than focusing on the stars this documentary concentrates on the stagehands. The grandiose onstage production makes a fascinating contrast to the everyday working lives of the men and women who shove the sets around, adjust the lights, make the dragon’s head effect work, and so on. It’s a shame that we don’t really get to know any of the stagehands except through their work, giving the whole thing a slight “This Old Theater” kind of a feel. But without a doubt the behind-the-scenes drama is at least as interesting as the opera itself. Mildly amusing

Review – House of the Dead

Ever get the hankering to pay Sega for the privilege of watching a 90-minute ad for one of its video games? Well, if that desire ever does strike you, at last your need can now be met. It isn’t that I necessarily mind movies based on “low culture” sources. But this one’s seriously almost nothing but witless zombie destruction, including jump cuts to clips from the game itself. Oh, and toward the beginning we’re “treated” to a handful of gratuitous boob shots. So basically the whole thing is tailored to the stereotypical audience: teenage boys with more video victories than dates under their belts. See if desperate

Review – Dracula 2: Ascension

I don’t see anything here that qualifies as an ascension. If anything, this is a significant step down from its predecessor, Dracula 2000. And that’s saying something, because the original wasn’t exactly Citizen Kane. Through a series of uninteresting plot twists the reanimated body of Dracula falls into the hands of an annoying collection of med students, mad scientists and various riff raff seeking to use his blood to develop a cure for death. And of course hot on the trail is an assassin priest from the Vatican’s ever-popular anti-vampire squad. This might have been a better production if they’d worked just a little harder to make at least one of the characters – even Dracula would have done – somewhat sympathetic. See if desperate

Review – Helter Skelter (2004)

Though simpler and more graphic than the original miniseries, this new version of the classic tale of Charles Manson lacks the 70s-era creepiness of the first video version. That isn’t to say that this go-around doesn’t have its plusses; if nothing else, the new one isn’t anywhere near as Bugliosi-intensive as the old version or the book. I also appreciated the attempt – at least at the beginning – to show at least some of the how and why of Manson’s appeal. But by the end it degenerates into yet another loco-hippie-psycho-killer crime-doesn’t-pay production. Mildly amusing

Review – Revenge of the Pink Panther

Of all the Pink Panther movies (at least the ones made while Peter Sellers was still alive), this one is by far the worst. I’m not saying it doesn’t have a moment or two. The first time I saw it (many years ago, when I was a kid) I laughed until I cried at the inflatable parrot sequence. And there’s some other Sellers / Edwards standard slapstick here. But for the most part this is a meandering, plot-free string of sight gags that don’t work on more than a visceral level, and most not even there. See if desperate

Review – Van Helsing

I used to deride movies by comparing them to comic books. But as it turns out, a lot of the newer comics on the market have better plots and character development than movies like this. Our title character here is the James Bond of some kind of international religious brotherhood of monster hunters, pitted against a trio of classic Universal creatures. I suppose the thinking must have been if Stephen Sommers can turn the Mummy into a successful franchise then he ought to be able to do wonders with the big three: Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolf Man. No such luck. Maybe the studio could give him another shot with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Mildly amusing