Review – Hollow Man

In Plato’s Republic, Socrates recounts the fable of Gyges, a morally-bankrupt man who could make himself invisible. What would one do with such a power? Slip into Fort Knox and make off with a fortune? Sneak around the White House and find out what the President really gets up to at night? Go get sushi and not pay? Apparently the answer mad scientist Sebastian Caine (Kevin Bacon, who as usual does a craftsman’s job with the role) has to this intriguing scenario is “rape my neighbor and brutally slaughter a cute dog.” I admit neither of those ambitions had occurred to me, so maybe I should give the screenwriter points for originality. The production features some impressive effects and a small handful of mildly entertaining gags (including Bacon delivering the classic Invisible Man joke we all thought was so funny back in fifth grade, even tossing in the phrase “Wonder Pussy” for good measure). Together that might have been enough to carry the film despite the dreadful script loaded with loathsome characters. Sadly, the excessive, pointless animal violence was enough to catapult the movie to the bottom of my ratings scale, and no other aspect was able to dig it out of the pit. Overall, it was enough to make me wish I was invisible so I wouldn’t have to pay to get into garbage like this. Or at least I could sneak out without anybody noticing (not that there were many people in the theater when I saw it). Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Talented Mr. Ripley

Before I dig into this, I should admit that I have no affection at all for plots in which a character tells a lie early on and must spend the rest of the movie engaged in ever-more-elaborate deceptions in order to avoid being found out. Stories tend to get on my very last nerve when their protagonists could easily escape peril at any point by either bailing out and vanishing into the night or simply telling the truth. So if your tastes in this regard differ from mine, you might well have a much more pleasant experience with this movie than I did. As things stand, however, I found the darn near endless parade of unhealthy obsessions, contrived stumbling blocks and false endings more than a little annoying. Further, Matt Damon and Jude Law don’t exactly float my boat, and Gwenyth Paltrow was woefully under-cast as the straight, female love interest in what proved to be a gay murder thriller. See if desperate

Review – Supernova

Will spaceship crews never learn? When you find some sort of alien object in deep space and bring it aboard your ship, it’s just going to be nothing but trouble. It doesn’t help that the deus ex machina in this one looks like something you could have found on the back shelves at Spencer Gifts back in the 1970s. The script is generally inoffensive if more than a little predictable, the acting is passable, but the camerawork is abysmal. I don’t think there was a single stationary camera shot in the entire movie, and around half the time the picture was blurred by some uneven, translucent object in the foreground. It was like trying to watch a movie through the eyes of a fidgety pre-teen on a blurry-eyed Sugar Shocker high. Not fun. See if desperate

Review – The Outlaw Josey Wales

I’m so glad they make movies like this, because it turns out I was badly bewildered about the true nature of the Civil War. It seems the people who started the war so they wouldn’t have to give up their slaves were actually the good guys. Who would have thought? Sarcasm aside, if the politics could somehow be yanked out this would be a not-half-bad personal revenge flick. It’s also a good example of the epic western era of the 1970s. It starts to get a little old after awhile, but the violence, occasional though it may be, more than justifies sitting through the slow spots at least for audience members who enjoy a good gun battle. See if desperate

Review – Superman

The world’s most powerful Boy Scout finally makes it to the big-budget silver screen in this relic from the 70s. I admit that even as a comics-reading kid I was never exactly the biggest fan Superman ever had; his invulnerability and his sanctimony were always a bit much for me. But those who like the Man of Steel should genuinely enjoy Christopher Reeve’s performance as much as I liked Gene Hackman as his arch-nemesis, Lex Luthor. If you’re in the mood for a cinematic comic book in the classic style, you could do a lot worse. But you really do kinda have to be in the mood. Mildly amusing

Review – Run Lola Run

Though this film made several critics’ top ten lists, to me it looks like Wim Wenders on speed. I guess I’m glad some German film-maker has discovered MTV-style editing techniques, and it did manage a happy ending (though it took three alternate realities to finally get there). Now if we can just break them of making these humor-impaired productions reminiscent of the French new wave from two or three decades back. See if desperate

Review – Marked for Death

With the possible exception of Under Siege, this is my favorite Stephen Seagal movie. For the most part it’s the usual, run-of-the-mill tale of an ex-DEA agent who goes out for personal vengeance after a Jamaican drug posse threatens his family. The distinguishing element here is Screwface, the head of the drug gang and thus the chief villain. He’s delightfully creepy and almost a match for the Great White Dope. The filmmakers even try to offset the racism inherent in the plot by including a Jamaican cop who explains that not all Jamaicans are criminals. Racial politics and creepy villain aside, the gun and fist battles are the same caliber as ever. Mildly amusing