Review – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

I figured the aphorism was just another meaningless bit of pirate-abilia built into the title of the latest episode of this long-past-its-expiration-date series. But no, it tells a painful truth: this movie genuinely has no tale to tell. Instead, it’s an unpalatable mess of cast members from the previous entries improbably shoehorned in, omnipresent CGI and expensive set pieces, and an amazing burgoo of supernatural geegaws, each governed by a set of rules so complicated they’d put an engine repair manual to shame. I lost interest in this plotless mess right around the time the zombie sharks showed up. See if desperate