Review – The Monkey’s Paw (2013)

If I had a wish-granting monkey paw, movies like this wouldn’t exist. Only maybe the evil magic of the monkey paw twisted my wish around in some horrible way, like brain-dead horror pictures disappearing forever because conservative fanatics take over the whole country and pass a law requiring that all movies be about Fake Jesus and star Bruce Willis. So then I had to use my second monkey paw wish to put everything back the way it was. Then I must have used my third wish to make myself forget that any of it ever happened. Then I made a tiny wish that I’d never seen this trite, incompetently-executed piece of crap to begin with. But alas, at that point I was out of monkey paw wishes. Wish I’d skipped it