Review – The Raven (2006)

This plot-less wonder turd plays like an episode of “The Real World” experienced under the influence of one of those drugs that cuts your attention span down to about two seconds, makes you see things that aren’t there, and gives you a whopping huge case of wide-eyed paranoia. This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten bored with a movie and watched parts in fast-forward just to see if anything ever happens. In the past I’ve felt guilty about doing this, conceding at least the possibility that I might be missing something of worth in the small, sped-through details. But not here. The dialogue was so meaningless and all the sequences so badly over-extended that watching it at 4x was the same as watching it at regular speed, only faster. Even the particulars stunk. The guy they got to pop in and out as Poe looked like he would have been more comfortable grinning on the front of a pizza box than wandering night’s plutonian shore. But that’s small potatoes compared to his avian companion. Is it a magpie? Some kind of over-inflated mynah? Would an actual raven have been all that hard to come by? At least get a crow for cryin’ out loud. Wish I’d skipped it