Review – Hofmann’s Potion

Here’s a documentary that manages to tell only the most uninteresting parts of the history of LSD. The show starts with a little coverage of Alfred Hofmann’s discovery of the psychoactive qualities of a lab chemical he accidentally ingested. That part would have been better if it hadn’t been so short (indeed, the teaser info for this movie on Netflix implied that this would be a more prominent focus). Instead this is but a brief prologue to an extended study of psychiatric experiments and pop culture explorations. So what we end up with is a lot of Timothy Leary, Ram Dass and shrinks playing around with the “consciousness expanding” aspects of acid rather than its more interesting uses. And only the briefest mention of the U.S. government’s entanglements with the stuff. In other words, if you want the hippie take on LSD, go ask a hippie. It’s cheaper, faster, and more fragrant that way. See if desperate

Review – Madonna: Truth or Dare

Funny how some movies change over time. I remember seeing this when it first came out and walking away from the experience more than a little annoyed with the cruel injustice of any universe that could allow such a creature to accumulate such money, fame and power. Over the years I expect Madonna has grown richer, though perhaps a touch less influential in the process. Watching it again with hindsight about her lost relevance makes it a lot easier to take her egotistical, juvenile behavior “back in the day.” This extra added measure of emotional detachment also helps make this an interesting portrait of the backstage doings during a major concert tour. Still, it’s a bit more fun with Julie Brown’s parody as a chaser. Mildly amusing

Review – Julius Caesar (2004)

Unless you have an allergy to TNT historical drama (and who doesn’t develop a touch of hay fever around these things?), this is a relatively painless way to pick up a little first century B.C. Roman history. The story follows its title subject from his flight from Rome to escape Sulla all the way to the Ides of March. The acting isn’t great, with Christopher Walken turning in an especially odd performance as Cato and nobody else exactly experiencing a finest three hours either. Script and production values are par for the basic cable course. The one thing I did like was that Calpurnia (played by Valeria Golino) was finally allowed to work up a righteous state of pissed off over Cleopatra. Mildly amusing

Review – Mean Girls

Alas, apparently a Hollywood movie about teenagers even when written by someone talented like Tina Fey still turns out to be a Hollywood movie about teenagers. This has a few moments along the lines of Clueless or 10 Things I Hate About You. But for the most part it’s a thick message piece about how much nicer high school would be (or would have been, for those of us a few blissful years removed from the experience) if everyone had just made the effort not to be mean. Mildly amusing

Review – Outfoxed

Okay, here’s the problem with this documentary: calling Rupert Murdoch a conservative ideologue is kind of like insisting that a prostitute loved screwing you so much that she gave your money back. There are millions of people out there – particularly if recent election results are any indication – who don’t want to hear reports that the United States is doing the wrong thing by pursuing George W. Bush’s agendas at home and abroad. And the brutal truth of the matter is that the money in closed-minded conservatives’ pockets is just as green as anyone else’s. Fox News feeds the need. But it’s no greater affront to truth and justice than any other business catering to a niche market (and again, this is a really large niche). This video does a good job of making the case that Fox doesn’t supply responsible journalism. But then again, that’s not really what they’re there for. The great – and I suspect unintended – irony of the movie comes at the end when one of the media critics suggests we should all do the “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” thing, ignoring the fact that Network was a tongue-in-cheek yet eerily-accurate prediction of the precise news-as-entertainment attitude that has become Fox’s hallmark. Fair and accurate indeed. Mildly amusing

Review – Road to Perdition

The atmosphere is the big star of this odd movie based on a comic book. Indeed, the decision to employ big-name Hollywood types such as Tom Hanks, Paul Newman and Jude Law almost detracts from the indie feel of the production. The story is a wintery tale of a hit man for a small-town syndicate (which apparently is somehow connected to Al Capone). Things go awry thanks to the crooked son of the local boss, and our hero’s family – except for his eldest boy – ends up murdered. Father and son take to the road, running from a psycho contract killer while trying to find a way to get back at the villain and the mob protecting him. The result is a mix of interesting crime drama and syrupy sweet bonding/coming-of-age flick. I found the driving lesson scene especially hard to take thanks to a similar episode from my own childhood. But that aside, this was a fun watch for a cold afternoon. Mildly amusing

Review – Elf

This was the best two thirds of a Christmas movie I’ve seen in quite awhile. I’m not the biggest fan Will Ferrell ever had, and the premise – human raised by Santa’s elves seeks reunion with his biological father – seems more than a little silly. So I came into this expecting to hate it. But it swiftly won me over. The script was good, filled with quite a stock of amusing moments. Ferrell was his usual self, but even that kinda worked within the context of the movie. However, in the third act the production massively loses direction. It seemed like it ran out of wit and tried to skate through the final half hour on many of the same Christmas movie clichés that had been gently mocked up to that point. That’s really too bad, because if this show had just managed a stronger finish it would have been worth watching. Mildly amusing

Review – Tomb of the Werewolf

Once and for all I wish the damn video store would quit stocking movies like this. For many a year now I’ve been old enough to go out and rent or buy as much pornography as I want (however little that might be). That’s real, actual pornography, not sliced-up soft-core like this. Because when you cut the smut out of stupid smut, you aren’t left with much besides, well, stupid. There’s some kind of an excuse for a plot here, a mishmash about Elizabeth Bathory, a werewolf curse, and so on. But it never amounts to more than an excuse to move from sex scene to sex scene. Except of course in the version I saw the sex scenes had been almost entirely removed, making the experience more than a little like recording a TV show and then fast-forwarding through the program so you could watch the commercials. Not that adding a bunch of tiresome fake sex would have made it a better movie. It’s just that watching porn stars try to act always provokes in me as a sad mental picture of the days when these folks first showed up in California thinking they were going to be big movie stars rather than screwing for money on cheap, straight-to-video productions like this. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Alamo

Two hours and they never once went down to the basement to check for Pee wee’s bike. Instead we get a western-mythologized production of the famous battle, a version unlikely to win any accuracy prizes or sell many tickets in Mexican theaters. But if that’s what you’re in the mood for, this is a solid example thereof. I was especially impressed by the battle scenes. They’re not the most realistic depictions of violence I’ve ever seen, but it’s hard not to admire the elaborate choreography and expensive effects. Acting, script and direction are all in keeping with what might expect from a production of this caliber. See if desperate

Review – Man on Fire

The revenge flick seems to have undergone some changes in the wake of Sept. 11. This probably isn’t the time or the place for an in-depth discussion of the new trends, so for now suffice it to say that this particular movie is a great example of at least one of the new key elements: heightened levels of brutality used by the “good guys” against the villains. The set-up here is elaborate, with director Tony Scott devoting around an hour to establishing a tight bond between a burned-out clandestine operative (ably played by Denzel Washington) and the poor little rich girl (Dakota Fanning) he’s been hired to protect. His role switches from bodyguard to replacement for her absentee businessman father just in time for him to fail to save her from kidnappers. Then the vengeance begins, and it’s vicious stuff. The sad part is just how emotionally satisfying this simplistic action/reaction turns out to be. The script isn’t the best, and the production is plagued throughout by the Scott brothers’ usual visual high jinks. That aside, this is an entertaining bit of violent fluff. Mildly amusing

Review – The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

I guess I can kinda see why James Thurber would have offered the studio $10,000 to not make a movie out of his short story about a daydreaming wimp. Actual espionage intrigue, a happy ending, and of course the musical numbers lead this picture considerably astray from the tale upon which it is loosely based. Further, this swiftly becomes a vehicle for Danny Kaye’s usual antics (but then, what Danny Kaye movie doesn’t?). So if that’s what you’re in the mood for, then you’re in the right place. Kaye is in fine form here. And though you have to ignore more than a little 40’s-era sexism, this is still sort of a fun production. I remember really loving it as a kid, for what it’s worth. Mildly amusing

Review – Garfield

All the charm – or lack of same – of the comic strip cat translates to a computer-animated version for the big screen. Bill Murray was the perfect choice to voice the obnoxious feline, and the rest of the cast does a fine job in their cartoony roles as well. I suppose you should seriously be in the mood for such goofy crap before you sit down to watch this, and for many people that mood might never strike. I further think I might have enjoyed it if I hadn’t watched it shortly after seeing Shrek 2 for the first time. The animated orange cat in that one was way better than here. That aside, however, if you don’t expect too much going in then you won’t be disappointed coming out. Mildly amusing

Review – Shrek 2

Though this lags behind the original in the charm department, it makes up for its typical sequel shortcomings by being a bit more technically impressive. I particularly liked the addition of Puss in Boots (voiced by Antonio Banderas), who fairly clearly stole the show. The cat aside, my favorite parts of this production were mostly the little things, such as Tom Waits briefly voicing a piano-playing Captain Hook. The limits of video made it hard to pick up on some of the background detail – particularly the parody store signs in Far Far Away. But the DVD includes some entertaining special features (including an interactive American Idol parody) that help make up for the lack of resolution in the NTSC signal. Worth seeing

Review – 13 Seconds

Yeah, I’m willing to bet that there are 13 seconds or so worth of entertainment in this movie. Too bad it was feature length. Like many other low-budget horror movies that came before it – and no doubt many more that will follow after – this production relies almost exclusively on bad gore to keep it moving. Though a couple of the splatter set-ups were bush-leagues cool, they don’t sustain the entire production. And the really dumb thing with this one is that it was set up to borrow a concept from Rod Serling’s “Night Gallery” series, but even such a solid foundation wasn’t enough to support the usual dreadful trappings of the witless fright flick. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Normally a romance wouldn’t draw too much attention from me. But throw in some brain erasing and a certain indie charm, and I actually ended up liking this production. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslett are having relationship trouble, so she decides to go to a strange new service that erases all memory of him from her mind. Understandably upset when he finds out, he follows suit. But midway through the procedure he changes his mind and begins a battle within his own memories to preserve her. Some of the effects used to create the disintegrating memories were sort of fun, pleasantly understated for the most part. I was a bit bemused by the Kirsten Dunst sub-plot while it unfolded, but in the end it turned out to have more of a point than it looked like it was going to have. And yeah, in spots it works the whole “quirky” thing a little too hard. But overall this is an enjoyable if moody little tale about the prevalence of love. Worth seeing

Review – The Day After Tomorrow

Gosh darn that global warming! All of a sudden the whole face of the earth ends up covered by giant super-storms, sort of tornado-tsunami-hurricane-sudden-freezing all wrapped up into one. Some of the effects are kinda cool, making it fun to watch LA ravaged by tornados or New York buried under walls of water and then sheets of ice. The twin troubles here are that the massive destruction sequences are front-loaded, leaving little for the back half of the movie. And beyond the flashy graphics there just isn’t that much to this production. The premise is shaky, the script poor, motivations often murky at best, the performances mostly mailed in. So keep your finger on the fast forward, and buzz past any part where nothing’s being destroyed. See if desperate

Review – Time Code

100% concept. The idea here is intriguing: use a split-screen that lets the audience watch four different (yet intertwined) narratives at once. Keep all four cameras rolling at once, and don’t cut for 90 minutes or so as an ensemble cast of minor glitterati improv around a loosely-structured script. Oh, and throw in two or three minor earthquakes just to keep things synced up. Sure, there’s a focus problem here and there, but for the most part this is an impressive piece of technical film-making. The problem here lies in the stories. None of the plotlines amounts to much more than little tales of the sad lives of vaguely-dissatisfied Los Angelinos. And unfortunately, four uninteresting stories playing at once don’t automatically add up to one interesting overall picture. On the other hand, if you saw this in a theater then you might want to take a second look at the DVD; it includes a feature that allows you to select the audio you want to follow rather than go with the director’s choice. Mildly amusing

Review – Deathwatch

Boy was I ever set up to love this movie. I guess they probably had me at the premise: something evil lurks in an abandoned trench during World War One, and a squad of British soldiers stumbles into it. That’s enough like the “Weird War” comics I thrived on as a child to get my attention here. One by one the soldiers are driven mad and/or killed by the dark force that never really takes physical form anywhere in the movie (though it does do some cool stuff with barbed wire in a couple of places). Thus we get the subtlety of a non-effects-intensive horror flick but still retain enough of the visceral to keep things interesting. It also shares an advantage with The Thing: an all-male cast limits the misogyny endemic to the genre. My only gripe – and it’s a comparatively minor one – is that the story seems to run out of tricks somewhere in the middle and then start to do variations on a theme to keep the movie going until the players are whittled away. Oh, and with trench mud all over everyone half the time, the actors were sometimes a little hard to tell apart. Otherwise this one was a keeper. Worth seeing

Review – The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

I have to admit that the first time I saw this I didn’t exactly go into it with “oh boy, a movie about drag queens” on my mind. Thus I was pleasantly surprised when the picture turned out to be genuinely entertaining, charming in a not-too-cutesy sort of way. The casting was certainly an interesting bit of business, with one of the three lead queens a veteran of one of the Superman flicks and the other two destined to go on to make action movies of their own. But for now all do a great job with the sarcastic humor and occasionally-excessive sentiment. If nothing else, the ping pong ball sequence alone makes this worth seeing. And much of the rest of the movie keeps up the same quirky tone. Worth seeing

Review – The Stepford Wives (2004)

I didn’t expect this picture to be quite as silly as it turned out to be. It isn’t that I needed anything quite as grim as the original, but this went a little too far in the opposite direction. The cast does a good job and all, but the script doesn’t give them too much to work with. You just can’t make a movie about men who replace their wives with robots and have it turn out to be this happy. On the other hand, I should confess that thanks to a DVD glitch I missed a little of the character exposition early on. Mildly amusing

Review – Seven

Style triumphs over substance in this serial killer thriller. Almost everything in this movie – from the killer’s artistic mania down to the cops’ personality quirks – appear to be designed to facilitate the use of murky, jump-cut visuals. The result is something that looks really cool (though upon re-viewing many years later, more than a little dated) but doesn’t pack a lot of substance. Some of the “seven deadly sins” killings have a certain horribleness to them, but even that’s undone when the monomaniacal murderer deviates from his pattern in order to directly threaten his pursuers. The cast features big names like Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt and Kevin Spacey, though it isn’t really a finest-moment for any of them. Mildly amusing

Review – UK/DK

No Jello Biafra here, but plenty of other punk performances. This documentary provides an occasionally-interesting snapshot of the punk scene in London in the mid 80s. Some of the bands featured in performance aren’t all that good, but some of them aren’t too bad. The lip-synching is a little hard to get used to, but maybe it seemed more, well, punk in the days before Milli Vanilli. The DVD also comes with “Holidays in the Sun,” video shot at a concert in 1996 that featured several “old school” punk bands in all their middle-aged splendor. Mildly amusing

Review – The Eyes of Tammy Faye

I honestly feel sorry for this woman. Watching Tammy Fay interact with a camera is like watching your alcoholic cousin – the one who just got out of rehab for the fifth or sixth time – at a family reunion, sitting in the corner and slowly nursing a beer. She’s been bit by stardom several times, and she just knows she ought to leave it alone. But she just can’t. I thought the early footage of the Jim and Tammy Show – especially the puppets – was fascinating stuff. But once the story gets to the scandal that toppled the Bakker empire, it’s mostly old news. However, it was nice that at least the production was reasonably sympathetic to this simplistic woman and her apparent need for attention. Mildly amusing

Review – Queens Logic

It came from the 80s, though with any luck perhaps someday we’ll find a way to send it back there. For the most part this is a set of off-Broadway intelligentsia playing out an empty-headed fantasy about how the lower middle class from Queens must live. It’s also a lot of nonsense about men and their collective fear of commitment. The result is little more than two hours’ worth of soap opera masquerading as something more serious. Not worth it, not even for Tom Waits’ all-too-brief role in the production. See if desperate

Review – The Fog of War

Errol Morris serves up a simple, desultory philippic on the life and times of Robert McNamara. The production is anchored by an extensive interview with its subject, with topics ranging from World War Two to Ford Motors to the World Bank. And obviously Vietnam. I don’t know that I walked away from the movie knowing anything I didn’t know going in, but Morris did an interesting job of putting it together (creative visuals, Glass soundtrack, et cetera). If you really want to have fun watching this, get a group of friends together and take bets on which memories make McNamara cry and which don’t. I also thought Morris should have gone ahead and used the full version of the sequence on the Diem assassination, the cut that appears in the bonus footage part of the DVD. Mildly amusing

Review – The Grudge

Here we have a Japanese movie with American actors and a plot so fragmentary that it barely holds together as an excuse for the hallmark booga-booga shots typical of the latest wave of Asian horror movie directors (indeed, I thought this was directed by the same guy who did Ringu until I signed onto IMDB and checked). As jump scares go, this is pretty good stuff. It’s just that a plot – or even characters that we get to know or at least care about a little – would have added some substance to the shocks. Mildly amusing