Review – Spun

Ready to view the world through the eyes of a witless meth junkie? I wasn’t. Generally I’m of the opinion that – while I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination – I do have enough money that if the unlikely urge to see what doing meth is like ever hits me I’ll just buy some rather than spending an hour and a half watching a stupid, jump-cut movie clearly designed to simulate the experience for the audience. The production includes some vaguely entertaining moments, particularly the animated sequences. But they’re far too few and far between. For the most part this is a gaggle of up-and-comings like Brittany Murphy matched up with down-and-goings like Mickey Rourke in a tedious, meandering story of the “kids, just say no” ilk. See if desperate

Review – Sick

What else would you call a documentary about Bob Flanagan, cystic fibrosis victim and masochist performance artist? This documentary is a real mixed bag. Some of the scenes, particularly footage of Flanagan’s performances, is fascinating stuff. However, a lot of the more personal material is hard to watch. For example, the director decides to include an extended sequence of shots of Bob in various places and times coughing and struggling for breath against the symptoms of CF. By this point in the movie the audience is familiar with the effects of his disease, so the sequence comes across as annoying and pointless. I’m also inclined to agree with Bob’s friend Sarah who says in one of the “special features” documentaries that watching him die in the end is a great deal harder than watching him nail the end of his dick to a board. And speaking of the special features, almost all of them are copiously infected with the director’s endless prattling, a damn shame given that he had a subject who was much more compelling than the movie made about him. That notwithstanding, those with at least moderately strong stomachs should enjoy most of this production. Mildly amusing

Review – A Little Princess

Obviously this one’s a little outside my usual viewing habits. That notwithstanding, I’ll admit to kinda liking this movie. Sure, it’s cliché-ridden, jam-packed with false gender consciousness and strange racial dynamics, afflicted with half a dozen different kinds of bad acting, and more than one or two other faults. That notwithstanding, I’d have to say that it does a charming job of subtly emphasizing the value of imagination and the inherent dignity of the human spirit, particularly the spirit of young girls struggling to keep their hopes alive in a rigid, hostile world. The acting’s not half bad, especially for a production with this many kids in it. And best of all, it manages to be charming and light-spirited most of the way through, only occasionally descending into the sort of melodrama only an uncritical child could love. On the other hand, I have it on good authority that the book is considerably better. Mildly amusing

Review – Malcolm X

When IFC last showed this movie, I turned it on thinking I might follow it loosely while I took care of some housework in my living room and kitchen. After all, I thought, it’s three and a half hours long, which meant I could accomplish a lot without worrying about switching discs or surfing away from commercial breaks. Fortunately for me – and unfortunately for my vacuuming and dish washing – I swiftly found myself wrapped up in Spike Lee’s exceptionally compelling dramatization of Alex Haley’s biography of the famous civil rights leader. Denzel Washington turns in a fine performance in the lead, aided at least a little by the slight resemblance to the man he portrays. Even if this wasn’t a fascinating film (and it is), it would be worth it just for the unflinching look at the last few years of Malcolm X’s life, particularly the Mecca sequences filmed on location (the first time an American film crew has been allowed to shoot footage for a narrative movie within the Muslims’ holy city). Clearly you’ll have to set some time aside to make it all the way through, but your commitment will be thoroughly rewarded. Worth seeing

Review – 25th Hour

Once again Spike Lee proves himself the undisputed master of the hour-long movie. And once again he kills a masterpiece graveyard dead by keeping it going for double the time he should have. The plot has tremendous potential: a former drug dealer (Ed Norton) spends time with friends, father and girlfriend on the day before he has to report for a seven-year prison sentence. The characters, dialogue and action are classic Lee. Unfortunately, at some point – it’s hard to pin the exact moment down – the production runs out of interesting character development and clever plot twists. By the end of the movie we’re actually being treated – and I use the term loosely – to a “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” sequence that takes forever to reach its thoroughly predictable conclusion. The sum of the movie’s message appears to be “white boys shouldn’t deal because they’re throwing their lower class idylls away.” The point seems trite and more than a little odd coming from Lee. With his talent and this cast he could have made a better or at least shorter movie. Mildly amusing

Review – Night and Fog

Got a little too much joy in your life? Looking for something to even out an unnatural high with an industrial-sized dose of bummer? Seek no further. At this point this relatively brief documentary on Nazi concentration camps is approaching its 50th birthday. That makes it one of the very first attempts to wrap the horror of the Holocaust up into a neat little cinematic package. Despite its somewhat intrusive artiness, this remains one of the most compelling film recountings of one of the darkest chapters in human history. Worth seeing

Review – The Hidden Fortress

Though not exactly director Akira Kurosawa’s finest moment, this is nonetheless a pleasant piece of samurai-abilia. Toshiro Mifune stars as a general who’s trying to smuggle a load of gold and a princess through enemy territory. Comic relief is provided by two greedy, cowardly peasants enlisted to aid in the smuggling effort. The result is approximately 75% comedy of errors, 20% medieval intrigue and 5% flashing steel. By this count the movie may come up a bit short in the martial arts department, especially for fans of that sort of thing (like myself). That notwithstanding, the other elements of the story more than make up for the lack of action. In particular this is an excellent showcase for Kurosawa’s dry sense of humor about the human condition. Worth seeing

Review – Rabid

Marilyn “Behind the Green Door” Chambers gets into a motorcycle accident. She’s rushed to a nearby plastic surgery clinic, where she receives a skin graft using an experimental technique. Unfortunately for her, one of the side-effects of the surgery is the sudden appearance of a lamprey-like appendage that lives in a vaginal cavity in her armpit. I suppose that’s what happens when you get a graft from David Cronenberg’s imagination. Further inconvenience: the thing in her pit sucks blood, which in a way is fortunate for her because all of a sudden she needs blood from human victims to survive and without the armpit thing goodness only knows how she’d go about arranging meals. Insult to injury: anyone she sucks turns into a rabid zombie. Before she’s done all Montreal has to be quarantined to keep her victims from spreading their rabies-esque infection worldwide. Fans of the splatter horror genre should definitely check this one out; it’s one of the great-granddaddies of the lot. It’s not a sterling example of acting, screenwriting or technical quality by any stretch of the imagination, but it is more than a little icky fun. Mildly amusing

Review – The House that Dripped Blood

When I originally entered this into my “movies to see” list, a typo had it listed as “The House that Dripped Blook.” Now, I’ve got no idea what blook might be, but with any luck it’s something scarier than clichés, which are the only thing that seem to be dripping around here. Indeed, if you really want to split hairs none of the four vignettes in this classic Hammer horror collection seem to have much to do with the house itself, let alone dripping blood. They’re all set in part in the same country estate somewhere outside London, but large chunks of all four – including key elements of all the dramas – take place outside the house. The place itself seems to be only coincidentally connected to its unfortunate tenants. But that’s okay. Anything for an excuse to tie some otherwise unrelated bits into a movie. If you like Hammer horror, by all means seek this one out. Mildly amusing

Review – Vicious

C’mon. At the very least send these folks back to film school to completely re-learn the finer – and even more general – points of writing, editing, and the like. Because this production runs from beginning to end like a how-not-to guide to filmmaking. Quick example: we’re “treated” to an extended sequence of a hillbilly driving out into the countryside to do some fishin’. He’s eaten by the movie’s monster almost immediately after casting his line out, so why we had to sit through what felt like an hour of him driving his car and parking his car and getting his poles and walking through the woods is completely beyond me. Perhaps it was just to give ample time to showcase the character’s theme song, a singularly charmless ditty called “All I Know Is You Got to Have Swing” (or at least I assume that’s what it was called, because lyrics-wise that was about all there was to it). And that’s just one sample of a bad moment from a consistently dreadful movie. I’m surprised even Tom Savini is desperate enough for cash – or for a showcase for his effects work, much of which is recycled from some of his previous efforts – to appear in a barker like this. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Order (2003)

I don’t know who ordered this, but it seriously needs to be sent back to the kitchen. The premise here isn’t the end of the world. The idea is that the Catholic church – or at least some quasi-respectable order thereof – is out to do away with a semi-immortal guy who for centuries has been doing business as a sin eater. I guess they don’t like outsiders horning in on their business. Honestly, the studio probably should have gone ahead and called the movie “Sin Eater,” except that would have made it all too easy for low-brow critics like myself to re-dub it “Shit Eater.” The acting and production values are approximately equal levels of mediocre. The problem here is the script. Elsewhere I’ve gone on record in favor of amending freedom of speech in order to allow a legal ban on 20-somethings making movies about religion, and here’s further evidence in support. Heath Ledger has enough trouble chewing through dialogue that makes sense. So when he’s up against an endless parade of platitudes and non-sequiturs, he doesn’t stand a chance. The plot picks up the pace and the interest level just a smidge toward the end, but by that point the movie has more than outstayed its welcome. See if desperate

Review – Creature Comforts

This DVD includes four fairly short animations from the Aardman Studio, but honestly the Nick Park piece that leads off the set is the reason to seek out the disc. “Creature Comforts” is a brief bit of claymation, but it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. The rest of it’s just average. Worth seeing

Review – Frida

Why is it that of late Hollywood can’t seem to get past the notion that famous people – particularly artists – may best be brought to audiences through a graphic depiction of their sexual dalliances? I suppose here it’s because Frida Kahlo’s proclivities – and those of her husband, Diego Rivera – provide good opportunities for Salma Hayek in the title role to do partial frontal. To be fair, however, there’s more here than just soft core exploitation. Director and actors alike appear to have considerable affection for their subject. And goodness knows Kahlo led an interesting life. So despite the occasional intrusion of over-worked “artsy” interludes, the story works quite well indeed. I just wish they’d spent a bit more time on Kahlo’s vision and maybe just a little less on her romantic woes. Mildly amusing