Review – World War Z

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie. Sure, it suffers from third act plot problems. But that’s true of a lot of zombie movies (or “infected” movies if you’re going to quibble about subcategories). And no, it doesn’t cover much ground not already explored by 28 Days Later, unless “spent a ton of money on the production” counts as new ground. Still, it’s fun to see some familiar faces take on the zombie apocalypse. Worth seeing

Review – Wolfhound

We can now officially add Irish wolfhounds to the list of animals that are a real struggle to make scary. And when the whole plot of the movie revolves around an American man returning to the Emerald Isle and slowly – oh so slowly – discovering that he has a genetic predisposition to shape-shift into one of the aforementioned wooly house pets, you can bet it’s going to be sort of hard to keep the show going. Sadly, things don’t heat up all that much when one of the doggies turns out to be a former Playmate of the Year (without a trace of Irish accent) who spends a copious amount of time in the altogether. A lot of this movie was more amusing the first time I saw it, when it was called The Howling. At least that one had actual werewolves rather than big shaggy dogs and cheap video effects. See if desperate

Review – Campfire Stories

Okay, campers. Once again. What’s the worst crime a horror movie can ever commit? That’s right: boring. And this one’s guilty beyond reasonable doubt of boring in the first degree. It doesn’t take much imagination to figure that this is going to be a compilation of three short stories of the teen-oriented slasher variety (obnoxious jocks killed by janitor, obnoxious hoodlums done in by stereotypical Indian, game of Truth or Dare takes a turn for the deadly). But then again, it didn’t take much imagination to write the script for this stinker. Nor was it a big mental leap to get something this cliché-ridden onto the screen. Indeed, the only thing I can’t quite imagine is why David Johansen needs money badly enough to play host to this crap. See if desperate

Review – The Royal Tennenbaums

Rarest of the rare are movies that get four stars from me on first viewing. But this one does it. Clever story. Well-crafted script. Talented, ensemble cast. And to top it all off, this is one of those wonderful films that can incorporate quirkiness – with a vaguely Edward Gorey-esque flavor – without wasting half its screen time calling attention to its own jokes. And the soundtrack is worth it all by itself. The story – loosely – is the tale of three child prodigy siblings grown up to strange adulthood. The whole crew is reunited by their father’s less-than-legit terminal cancer. No single paragraph could even begin to do justice to the tons of little touches that give this movie its appeal. Buy the disc

Review – The House on Haunted Hill (1958)

Rare indeed are movies where the re-make is better than the original. Even rarer are such cases when the original was a Vincent Price vehicle and the re-make was for the most part an effects-intensive parade of cheap thrills. However, there’s just no getting around the main problem here: the fifties version of this story is just downright boring. It features a little of legendary gimmick-meister William Castle’s gift for showmanship, but it’s also weighed down by a heapin’ helpin’ of his awful misuse of character, plot, production values, and just about everything else that Price might have been able to work with. The final product is good for a few unintentional laughs but not much more. Mildly amusing

Review – The Mausoleum

Horny housewife demons, I rebuke you! The plot here would probably work better in a porn movie: a woman is possessed by a demon that turns her into a nymphomaniac who kills after screwing (and presumably cleans up the blood and chunks afterward). Certainly the dialogue is bad enough to fit well in your average skin flick. Further, if they’d worked more actual sex into the movie maybe these brilliant auteurs could have spent less screen time on special effects that looked like they wouldn’t pass muster in one of those really cheap haunted houses that rely mostly on fog machines and day-glo paint for thrills and chills. And poor La Wanda Page suffers though a black maid role that would have been embarrassing back in the days of Gone with the Wind. If you’re a kid and you wanna go whee but you can’t get smut yet, this might tide you over. Otherwise the returns on your video rental dollar are few and far between. See if desperate

Review – The Brood

Our buddy Frank has trouble. His wife is crazy. She’s been institutionalized in the clutches of a cult psychotherapist, played to a smarmy T by Oliver Reed. His daughter has been abused, probably by his wife. If that was the sum of his worries, he’d probably make it through. Unfortunately for him, the mad doctor has figured out how to make his wife’s irrational rage externalize and become homicidal little creatures that vaguely resemble his kid (particularly when they’re stuffed into snow suits). As one might expect from a David Cronenberg movie (especially one from the eerie, atmospheric period early in his career), things go downhill from there. The concept’s cool enough to place this a cut above your average slasher flick, and particularly later in the movie there’s some good gore and a couple of solid scares. Mildly amusing

Review – The Golden Voyage of Sinbad

If you’re going to watch a Sinbad movie, the first thing it’s important to check for is Ray Harryhausen’s name in the credits. If it’s not in there, walk away. Fortunately for this flick, it passes the first test. Unfortunately (like many of its kin), when the effects aren’t center stage, this is an unending snooze fest. Even some of the creatures leave a little to be desired. Further, I hate it when they pit two cute monsters against each other, because you just know at least one and probably both are going to bite it. All that aside, this whole movie is worth it for one scene: the Kali statue coming to life and getting into a swordfight with our heroes. This prime moment of fantasy movie history is not to be missed, even if the rest of the picture can safely be ignored. Mildly amusing

Review – The Dunwich Horror (1969)

Somehow I suspect a considerably better movie might be made from the source story. Of course, it isn’t too hard to imagine a considerably better movie being made from just about any source story, let alone one of H.P. Lovecraft’s more widely-admired works. The nicest thing I have to say about this production is that the supporting cast isn’t too terrible. The leads, on the other hand … well, let’s just say Sandra Dee is the love interest and Dean Stockwell (sporting a coif and moustache that make him look like Long John Holmes) plays sinister anti-hero Wilbur Whately. The whole production is so thoroughly infected with American International Pictures circa 1970 day-glo sexuality that it’s hard to tell if Stockwell is following the original scheme of summoning elder gods from beyond the stars or merely doing it all for the nookie. Then there’s the climax, which is a strong contender for most unintentionally funny moment ever included in a horror movie. Maybe I should just be grateful I’m not sitting through Die, Monster, Die! again. See if desperate

Review – Blade Runner

I can’t review this movie. It’s one of my all-time favorites, and the emotional ties run too deep for me to give you anything even vaguely resembling an objective opinion about it. So suffice it to say that this is one of the greatest triumphs the art direction department ever had in the world of cinema. Some of the acting’s a little stiff, but if you seek out the director’s cut you can at least avoid the hackneyed, pseudo-noir voice-overs. Though you may have an entirely different experience from mine when you watch this one, I still highly recommend that you at least give it a try. Buy the disc

Review – The Lost Weekend

The scene toward the end where Ray Milland gets the DTs really freaked me out the first time I saw this (of course I was something like ten at the time). Watching it again as an adult, the whole thing sort of strikes me as an overworked version of an anti-marijuana cautionary tale, only booze rather than dope plays the villain here. Certainly it was well-regarded when it first came out, but in retrospect it seems more than a little melodramatic. Still, some of the camerawork and editing are great, and the actors do a fine job with the script they have to work with. As a preachy paean on the evils of demon rum (or rye, which seems to be the drink of choice), I guess I’ve seen worse. Mildly amusing

Review – Hairspray

Here we have John Waters’ first foray into the world of big-budget movie-making. And who else could possibly produce a race-conscious farce about 50s-era dance show stage mothers? Even that doesn’t adequately describe the treat in store for viewers here. Sure, it’s silly. And sure, it launched the career of Ricki Lake and marked the final screen appearance of Divine. But I can’t hold that against it. It’s just too silly and charming, almost enough to make me wish I’d actually seen the old Baltimore dance program that inspired it all. Almost. Worth seeing

Review – The Attic Expeditions

Unless you’re a big fan of nothing-is-real-everything-is-insane crap spectacles (or you find Satanic ritual nudity especially amusing), you’re unlikely to take much pleasure from this particular expedition. The most entertainment I managed to derive from this muddled mess was the challenge of remembering where I’d seen the actors before; the ensemble was mostly veterans of other horror flicks ranging from The Re-Animator to Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4 to Helter Skelter. Other than that this is a lot of boring nonsense about a lunatic who may or may not possess the secrets of evil magic sought by the mad psychiatrist who is torturing him. See if desperate

Review – Dagon

In many ways this is as close as anyone’s ever come to producing a feature-length movie that’s really, genuinely based on a short story by H.P. Lovecraft. Of course the story in question is “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” rather than “Dagon,” and there are still a fair number of liberties taken with the tale. As usual with Stuart Gordon productions, the plot’s pretty hard on the female characters. That notwithstanding, it does my heart good to see someone (even Gordon) make a serious attempt to adapt Lovecraft for the screen. Some of it even manages to border on genuinely unsettling (particularly the noises made by the zombie-fish-esque townspeople, not to mention the skinning-alive sequence). Worth seeing

Review – Dark Descent

This isn’t a low-budget, empty-headed, underwater rip-off of Outland. Nah. This is a low-budget, empty-headed, underwater homage to Outland. And the “homage” is close, really close. Federal marshal. Mining operation. Illegal, work-stimulating drugs that produce psychotic behavior. Killers coming on the next ship to kill our intrepid hero. The closest this movie ever comes to actual entertainment value is if one chooses to follow it closely enough to note when it manages to “borrow” even more closely from High Noon than its sci fi predecessor did. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – American Psycho 2

Wow. Who would ever have thought that it would be physically possible to make a movie even dumber than American Psycho? There’s a minor touch of novelty here in that the serial killer is a teenage girl rather than a slayer of teenage girls. Otherwise this is just another witless slasher flick, lacking even the pseudo-intellectual stamp of connection to Bret Easton Ellis (unless you count the weak tie to Patrick Bateman’s crimes from the original; our cute little killer is supposedly the only person who ever survived a Bateman attack). I confess this movie lost most of my good will early on when psycho-babe put a cat in a microwave, and it didn’t do much past then to worm its way back into my good graces. Extra added bonus: William Shatner. Wish I’d skipped it