Review – The Limehouse Golem

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a story so thoroughly eclipsed by its own background characters. The main plot surrounds a series of murders in a lower class district of Victorian London, and changing the specifics around a little doesn’t serve to depart in any meaningful way from the well-trodden path. But some of the suspects are actual semi-celebrities from the time period: actor Dan Leno, author George Gissing, and Karl Marx (who of course needs no further introduction). Other than 19th century name-dropping, however, this is an unimaginative murder mystery and not much more. See if desperate

Review – Jeepers Creepers 3

I’ve never seen a movie more unevenly budgeted than this one. The producers put together the cash for cinematography and a few vaguely familiar faces in the cast. But then they spent next to nothing on other parts of the production. The most glaring divide lay between good creature effects and bargain basement everything else. But the thing that really spoiled the picture was the unkillable monster. The Creeper gets a metal bar rammed through its head (popping its right eye in the process) and then shot dozens of times in the chest (by a gun prop that looked like it was cobbled together from an old barbecue grill). And just a few minutes later it’s back in fine fettle. Even the bullet holes in its shirt healed up. If the thing can’t possibly be defeated, what’s the point? See if desperate

Review – Cars 3

Somehow I managed to miss Cars 2, but it doesn’t seem to have affected my ability to follow this episode. That’s at least in part because there wasn’t all that much to follow. Lightning McQueen finds himself superannuated by the next generation of sentient race cars, so he goes in search of training, platitudes or whatever else might help him get back in the game. See if desperate

Review – The Wave

Story-wise, this is a fairly standard disaster movie. But I admit I’ve never seen this particular set up before. A geological event dumps a huge amount of water into a Norwegian fjord, bringing destruction to everything in the wave’s path. Sadly, that includes the resort town where the protagonist’s family lives and works. As usual with movies like this, a series of cliff-hanging improbabilities ensues. Mildly amusing

Review – Nightworld

At least this one’s actually set in Eastern Europe rather than merely being shot there. That said, this could be set anyplace where there might conceivably be an old apartment building with a gate to hell concealed in its basement. Robert Englund supplies a familiar face for the mysterious expert summoned by the newly-hired security guard when strange things start happening. The premise isn’t terrible, but the actual story is a slow-moving, muddled mess. See if desperate

Review – The Emoji Movie

I have no explanation for why I watched this. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Ghost House

Thailand bears the burden of scapegoat in this typical cautionary tale for American tourists who dare to stray into the woods. Triteness and racism aside, I’ve seen worse spins on the general plot. See if desperate