Review – The Houses October Built

I’ve gone back, scoured the plot summaries and reviews, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I wanted to rent this. The premise – backwoods haunted house attractions are part of a meta-conspiracy of evil – might have held some small measure of promise. But the found footage format, amateur hour acting, wretched script, uneven pace and pointless violence lay waste to any chance this juvenile production might have had to not suck. The hour and a half of my life stolen by this garbage was paid for with only one benefit: I have now firmly resolved never again to watch anything that even looks like it might have an evil clown in it. As I believe this will make me a happier, healthier person, I will doubtless look back upon this movie with gratitude for finally prompting me to take a step I should have taken years ago. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Willow Creek

Okay, kids. Let’s try to learn something from this experience. The premise is solid enough: two filmmakers venture into the woods in search of the site where the famous Patterson-Gimlin footage of Bigfoot was shot. The acting is fine. Bobcat Goldthwait has demonstrated elsewhere that he has enough talent to write and direct a good movie. Yet this still turns out to be a dreadful, meandering bore. Lay it squarely at the doorstep of the decision to shoot this as yet another found footage travesty. If even talented people can’t make this sub-genre work as anything better than a Blair Witch parody, then let’s treat this as conclusive proof that there’s no value in pursuing it further. See if desperate

Review – How to Train Your Dragon 2

I didn’t like this one quite as much as the first. Toothless is once again in fine form, but the story takes a turn for the depressing. Too much dragon peril and family member death. It was still a good movie. Just not quite up to the high standards set by the original. Mildly amusing

Review – Big Hero 6

Ugh, so much family member death. So depressing. At least the movie includes some sympathetic characters and interesting visuals. Mildly amusing

Because you know I’m all about the sluts (no shaming)

I'm trying to imagine a world where "slut shaming" isn't exactly what it sounds like.

Perhaps it could be an obscure term of art used by Victorian chimney sweeps for a trick of the trade especially useful for removing stubborn soot.

Or maybe it's a rough translation for the name of an annual religious observance practiced only in a small town in southern Portugal during which Mary Magdalene is burned in effigy.

Nope. It's exactly what it sounds like.

Sigh.

Review – The Boxtrolls

If Coraline had been really depressing and preachy, it might have been something like this. A town hires a creep and his creepy henchmen to rid the place of the harmless trolls who creep about after dark. Though the animation is fine, the script doesn’t measure up. The trivia notes on IMDb were more interesting than actually watching the movie. Mildly amusing

Review – Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Sort of like Gandhi only with a much smaller cast. And with much greater emphasis on the subject’s personal life. It’s nice to see Idris Elba get the chance to sink his teeth into a more substantial role than his usual casting. This should make especially good viewing for those who don’t remember what Apartheid was all about. Mildly amusing