Review – Anaconda

I have an odd history with this movie. I saw it for the first time back in 1999, but for some strange reason I forgot to review it, which I didn’t discover until I watched another giant snake movie in 2004. Well, my opinion of it is pretty much the same ten years later after a re-screening. The monster snake has far more charm and personality than any of the boatload of B-list actors it squares off against. At least the budget was big enough to keep things vaguely entertaining. Awful hard on the animals, though. Mildly amusing

Review – Reckless Indifference

I’m not entirely sure, but I think the point of this documentary is to make us feel a sense of righteous indignation at the life sentences handed to four teenagers convicted of felony murder. The group tried to bully a couple of pothead acquaintances out of their stash, and when they wouldn’t cough it up without a fight one of the bullies stabbed them. One of the victims died. It was just their dumb luck that the father of the boy they murdered was an L.A. cop, which of course meant that they actually got prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. And the only real defense this movie seems prepared to offer is that this doesn’t happen to everyone who kills somebody in the course of a robbery, so it shouldn’t have happened to them. As many problems as our legal system has, and this mess is the “injustice” I’m supposed to be losing sleep over? The thing that galled me the most about this production is the overpowering sense that I’m expected to feel sorry for them because they’re white kids from the burbs and if they were from the inner city they wouldn’t have been treated like this. There are so many things wrong with this theory that I can’t even begin to discuss them. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Burrowers

Impressive. I’ve long thought that horror and the western would make a good combination, though I’m surprised at how seldom I’ve been proven right. But boy does this ever. The thesis here is that the open prairie is inhabited by a strange kind of monster known to the locals as the Burrowers. They paralyze their victims, bury them alive, wait for them to soften up a bit, and then return to eat them. The protagonist’s pursuit of his Burrower-kidnapped fiancée leads through no end of interesting situations as western staples – particularly anti-Indian prejudice – get in the way of efforts to unravel the mystery. The beasts themselves don’t actually put in an appearance until late in the picture, but they’re worth the wait. The story is hard on everyone involved – including horses – and isn’t likely to win any feel-good awards. But that just makes it all the better. Buy the disc

Review – Hot Rod

Let me start by saying something nice. Every once in awhile this production manages a moment that’s so odd it actually manages to provide a little amusement. And overall it may be making some legitimate points about the nature of masculinity in American society. But if anyone here has a brain, they’re all trying hard not to show it. SNL cast member Andy Samberg stars as a Napoleon Dynamite character who aspires to be Evel Knievel. Indeed, the whole thing has the flavor of an especially long “SNL Digital Short.” Can “Lasercats: The Motion Picture” be next? Let us pray. See if desperate

Review – Roswell

Like The Amityville Horror, this is more fun if you can believe it’s true. If the Army really did cover up the crash of an alien spacecraft in the New Mexico desert back in the 50s, that’s a good story. On the other hand, a fictional account of a retired Army officer trying to expose the truth decades later … well, it’s a bit on the boring side. Mildly amusing

Review – Knightriders

This looks like it was more fun to make than it is to watch. Ed Harris heads up a cast of George Romero regulars playing a troop of Renfest-motocross-combo performers who seriously live the whole Camelot thing. Eventually the group breaks up, with some sticking to the old, non-commercial ways while the de-hippified folks pursue bigger deals elsewhere. If the movie had left off there, it might have been emotionally satisfying in an end-of-the-70s way. But then the band gets back together for a half-hour-long tournament, ending the picture on a taking-it-too-seriously note. Still, if you like watching people ride motorcycles and hit each other with sticks, then this is certainly the picture for you. Mildly amusing

Review – The Dark Half

This is a finest hour for neither Stephen King nor George Romero. King’s source story puts a novel spin or two on the old evil twin thing, but in exchange we have to sit through a lot of annoying parallels to the whole Richard Bachman thing. Timothy Hutton does a solid job as the good family man novelist, but he falls flatter than flat as the guy’s sinister alter-ego. And sparrows should probably be added to the list of horror movie elements that are too cute to inspire a lot of fear. Overall this isn’t a terrible movie, but it doesn’t belong on anyone’s trophy shelf either. Mildly amusing