Review – The Cruel Sea

In the mood for a two-fisted tale of men and ships during the Battle of the Atlantic? Then boy are you in the right place. The movie remains true to the Nicholas Monsarrat novel, which I finished reading just a week or so before I saw the film version. Thus I liked the latter if for no other reason than having the chance to actually see some of the ships described in the former. Though history buffs may get more out of this than fans of things like character and plot, if you come in looking for an almost documentary feel and adopt a tolerance for the manly-man baggage attached to the core drama, you shouldn’t walk away disappointed. Mildly amusing

Review – The Demon Within

It’s hard to say exactly where the blame for this one lies. Perhaps the production was doomed from the start by a decision early in the process to squash a serial killer, a demon, and around a dozen other horror movie clichés into the same movie. Then they made the decision to emphasize sex in some of the most spectacularly un-sexy ways imaginable. Then they hired Jeff Fahey, who’s clearly seen better days, to play the demon-possessed, schizophrenic ex-priest, ex-actor serial killer. And so it went from there. If nothing else, they might at least have re-thought the decision to make the whole show pointless and boring. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Darkwolf

I suppose that if the box said “Dullwolf” they’d have trouble renting it even to suckers like me. I like a good werewolf story, but this is so far from good that even I can’t find much charity in my heart for it. The plot is some stupid mish-mash about a hyper-werewolf – a thing that spends half its time as a blow-fish biker and the other half as a big rubber dog – who needs to mate with … oh, never mind. The plot’s not important. All you need to know is that if you like characters and themes more appropriate to a vampire role-playing game, this one may be for you. Or if you like computer animation effects that wouldn’t pass muster in a Playstation update of Altered Beast, this one may be for you. Or even if you’re just too young to rent real pornography, this one may be for you. Otherwise probably not. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Vault

Okay, imagine that you’re a creepy night watchman and that your only job for all eternity is to keep folks from opening a vault in the basement of an old school and letting Evil roam free. Now imagine that mere days before the school is scheduled to be torn down (presumably burying the Evil forever) a group of meddling kids shows up. Do you 1. stand diligently outside the door and make sure nobody comes near it, or 2. wander aimlessly around the building telling eerie stories to the kids’ chaperone? Decisions, decisions. Under different circumstances I’d applaud Full Moon for casting dim-witted black teens to play roles that would normally go to dim-witted white teens. Unfortunately the film-makers appear to be making casting decisions no so much out of a sense of multiculturalism but rather as part of a tasteless scheme to exploit slavery, inner-city crime and other real-world wrongs to make their crappy ghost story resonate. It didn’t work. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Life Is Beautiful

I confess that I didn’t come into this experience with any expectation that I was going to like it. In general European comedies don’t do that much for me. However, there have been some notable exceptions over the years, and this is one of them. Judging only by clips and trailers, I would have guessed that I’d find Roberto Benigni extremely annoying, but oddly enough he’s kind of endearing in a silly, grows-on-you sort of way. The first half (or so) of the movie is a Chaplin-esque screwball comedy about a free-spirited waiter’s adventures in pre-World War Two Italy. Only occasionally do dark jabs at the nation’s descent into Fascism intrude upon the light-hearted, romantic flavor of the film. But then the production does an abrupt about-face as our hero, his wife and their son are sent to a concentration camp. The rest of the movie is one grim graveyard joke after another. For the most part it’s charming and sad in equal parts, but every once in awhile I found myself musing about Jerry Lewis’s legendary, unreleased Holocaust comedy. Worth seeing

Review – Django Unchained

This might have been a much better movie with a different director at the helm. As ultra-violent action movies go, I’ve seen a lot worse. This even manages – or at least attempts – to make some points about racism here and there. The trouble is that Quentin Tarantino gets so caught up trying to make a loving tribute to 70s era exploitation movies that he sometimes seems to forget to tell a story in the process. Mildly amusing

Review – Dragonfly

Sit back, relax, and get ready for some serious dead spouse action. Kevin Costner plays a doctor whose beautiful, brilliant, do-gooding wife is killed in a mudslide while doing good in South America. Soon after her death he begins to get indications that she’s trying to contact him from The Other Side. Or is it just his grief-stricken mind playing tricks on him? The answer’s nowhere near as interesting as it might have been. For all the money they spent on actors and production values, seems like the film-makers might have spared a buck or two on a script with more compelling characters and interesting (or at least plausible) plot twists. Mildly amusing