Review – Cujo

When the villain in a movie is a rabid dog, you’ve gotta pretty much bet that you’re in for a whole bunch of animal-intensive violence. Matters aren’t helped here by the choice of canine, with the film-makers sticking to the Stephen King novel and casting a Saint Bernard in the role. The problem with this is that in most of the ostensibly-fear-inspiring shots the star of the show looks less like a rampaging demon and more like a hapless family pet liberally coated with tapioca. Every once in awhile a shot or two will work, but overall there’s just way too much shrieking kid, shrieking Dee Wallace, barking dog, ringing phone, and uninteresting subplot to make the experience worthwhile. See if desperate

Review – Snake Eyes

This Nicolas Cage thriller tries to do too much all at once. There just isn’t enough script here to pack in a murder mystery, a political thriller, an action adventure, and three-dimensional characters. As a result, we get a little mixture of each, with the end product serving up watered-down mystery, implausible political drama, mildly suspenseful action scenes, and characters we don’t get anywhere near as attached to as I think we were supposed to. Then the whole mess gets capped off with a hearty helping of jarring camerawork. This isn’t a bad film, particularly if you have an affection (or at least a tolerance) for Cage’s frenetic acting. It’s just not an especially good film, either. Mildly amusing

Review – There’s Something About Mary

This is without a doubt hands down the most uneven film I’ve ever seen. It goes from zero to hilarious in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately it goes right back down to zero just as quickly, and it stays there for extended stretches. Right away you’ve got to figure that any film where Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz are the highlights, the low points are pretty low. Oh, and let’s not forget Bret Favre and the dog. Do you see where this is going? Neither do I. Mildly amusing

Review – The Jackal

This is another puzzling choice for a remake. Though The Day of the Jackal wasn’t exactly the greatest movie I ever saw, it did have a good-sized dose of 70’s-era European charm and sophistication. This film never rises much above mediocre international intrigue pot-boiling. For openers, Bruce Willis is a thing entirely unsuited to play a cold, calculating assassin, always looking as if he’d rather have his usual dirty tank-top back. Further, he steals a passport from a person who will miss it almost instantly (and commits several other equally foolish blunders). If Forsyth’s original novel is a manual for international terrorism, as some critics have charged, then this film is the manual on how to get caught. And I don’t know where they shot the sequences set in the Washington Metro, but it sure as heck wasn’t the Washington Metro. See if desperate

Review – Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Arnold’s back, only this time he’s a good-guy robot assassin assigned to protect the boy he was trying to subject to a little pre-natal murder in the first one. The sequel’s longer, but its bigger budget helps make the action scenes a little more impressive (especially the cool dream sequence where Los Angeles gets nuked). A little sappy at the end (okay, why is it wrong to kill people? It’s a question that’s posed several times but never concretely answered), but otherwise an enjoyable diversion. I recommend seeking out the special edition; the extra footage isn’t spectacular stuff, but the added character development does help a little. Worth seeing

Review – The Terminator

This is the film that really put director Jim Cameron on the map. All things considered, this is a pretty good blend of plot and action, with the ins and outs of trying to save Linda Hamilton from robot assassin Arnold Schwarzenegger intermixed with plenty of gunfights and car chases. Worth seeing

Review – The Believers

Martin Sheen’s character has troubles. He recently lost his wife to an accident involving a coffee maker. His son is having trouble adjusting. He’s got a full load at work counseling cops with mental problems. He’s trying to spark a rebound relationship with his landlady. And on top of everything else, a Santeria cult wants to use his kid as a human sacrifice. Naturally the cult leader and the bulk of his followers are people of color, and the protagonists are caucasian. Racist aspects aside, I guess I’ve seen worse horror movies. Mildly amusing