Review – San Andreas

Dwayne Johnson action movies deserve room to be at least a little stupid, but this one goes well beyond reasonable leeway. My favorite bit of completely unnecessary dumbness was the repeated insistence that the catastrophic destruction of Los Angeles and San Francisco might somehow have been averted if only the powers-that-be had listened to a small cadre of scientists (led by the perpetually-annoying Paul Giamatti). Exactly how a device that detects major quakes a few minutes before they occur would have saved the entire West Coast … well, the whole movie was pretty much like that. Still, I saw it in the company of an old friend who enjoys watching movies about LA being demolished, so on that point at least mission accomplished. Mildly amusing

Review – Dracula Untold

The producers poured a medium-sized budget into this mix of the historical Vlad Tepes and the vampire Dracula (predictably heavy on the vampire side). The action sequences are fun, but the plot is strange and confusing, especially when it doesn’t follow its own limited logic. Mildly amusing

Review – Edge of Tomorrow

I believe this picture is actually better known by its tag line: Live. Die. Repeat. Which is also a succinct plot summary. Tom Cruise stars in this sci-fi action rework of Groundhog Day. Mildly amusing

Review – Wild

This movie is very much like the book. So much so, in fact, that I occasionally found myself wondering if I’d be able to follow it if I hadn’t already read Cheryl Strayed’s account of her trek on the Pacific Coast Trail. And like the book, the movie left me wishing the story was more about the journey and less about the pit-stops and flashbacks. Indeed, here the loss is more keenly felt because of the lost chances for spectacular landscape cinematography. There’s a good deal to be found here, but I would have preferred more. Mildly amusing

Review – The Houses October Built

I’ve gone back, scoured the plot summaries and reviews, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I wanted to rent this. The premise – backwoods haunted house attractions are part of a meta-conspiracy of evil – might have held some small measure of promise. But the found footage format, amateur hour acting, wretched script, uneven pace and pointless violence lay waste to any chance this juvenile production might have had to not suck. The hour and a half of my life stolen by this garbage was paid for with only one benefit: I have now firmly resolved never again to watch anything that even looks like it might have an evil clown in it. As I believe this will make me a happier, healthier person, I will doubtless look back upon this movie with gratitude for finally prompting me to take a step I should have taken years ago. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Willow Creek

Okay, kids. Let’s try to learn something from this experience. The premise is solid enough: two filmmakers venture into the woods in search of the site where the famous Patterson-Gimlin footage of Bigfoot was shot. The acting is fine. Bobcat Goldthwait has demonstrated elsewhere that he has enough talent to write and direct a good movie. Yet this still turns out to be a dreadful, meandering bore. Lay it squarely at the doorstep of the decision to shoot this as yet another found footage travesty. If even talented people can’t make this sub-genre work as anything better than a Blair Witch parody, then let’s treat this as conclusive proof that there’s no value in pursuing it further. See if desperate

Review – How to Train Your Dragon 2

I didn’t like this one quite as much as the first. Toothless is once again in fine form, but the story takes a turn for the depressing. Too much dragon peril and family member death. It was still a good movie. Just not quite up to the high standards set by the original. Mildly amusing