Review – Cruel World

I’ll let you invent your own “goodbye, cruel world” joke here. You’ll have an easier time of it if you actually see this stinker, as it’ll make you want to say goodbye to it in short order. A bloated Edward Furlong plays a psycho who got kicked off a reality show and now seeks revenge – with the help of his dim-witted brother – by starting his own contest and slowly killing off the contestants. The result plays like a bargain basement blend of Fear Factor and Saw. See if desperate

Review – Ninja

If this had come out back in the 1970s, I would have considered it one of the best non-Bruce-Lee martial arts pictures I’d ever seen. However, three or four decades later this is strictly derivative stuff. The plot – American ninja battles former fellow student angry about being passed over for promotion to head of the ninja school – is all too familiar. The choreography is way better than old Chuck Norris productions, but it’s nowhere near as good as the fancy fights in most 21st century kung fu flicks. Though it has a few good stabbings, for the most part it’s just dull. See if desperate

Review – Paranormal Activity

The previews made this look like yet another cheap Blair Witch wannabe, so I ignored it until it hit video. I’m actually a little glad I did, because watching it on DVD helped preserve the fake amateur video of evil gag. Though it includes a few Blair Witch defects – such as a whole lot of unnecessary bickering between the protagonists – it has some genuinely creepy moments as well. A young couple starts videotaping their lives in search of evidence that some sort of supernatural being is haunting the woman. It’s a rare demonic possession movie that can merit the word “subtle,” but it fits here. For example, at one point the woman gets up in the middle of the night and just stands next to the bed staring at her boyfriend for two or three hours. Eerie stuff. Worth seeing

Review – Twilight: New Moon

This thing needed way more werewolves. The shapeshifters were cool in a CGI sort of way. The rest of the movie was more boring teenager/vampire crap straight out of the first one. Again, I concede that they didn’t make this for me. And obviously they’re quite popular with the target audience. That’s a shame, because this really is unimaginative stuff. Mildly amusing

Review – Avatar

The big disadvantage to missing “the most popular movie of all time” in theaters is that for what seemed like months everyone was making Avatar references I didn’t completely get. The big advantage, however, is that it’s a lot easier to appreciate the picture for its own merits rather than for the hype. And it certainly has shortcomings. The story – especially the romance – is straight out of Ferngully. The effects are expensive, elaborate and occasionally impressive, but they create a world that’s half video game and half drug-addled day-glo from Spencer’s Gifts circa 1978. Most troubling, however, is the treatment of the conflict between the indigenous “savages” and the technologically sophisticated Earth people. The movie hedges its bets by simultaneously extolling the virtues of war and condemning its destructiveness. And despite the happy Custer’s Last Stand ending, I can’t help but wonder if a realistic Avatar 2 wouldn’t inevitably include a Wounded Knee destruction of the entire planet. Overall this wasn’t the worst blockbuster I’ve ever seen, but it didn’t merit all the hoopla either. Mildly amusing

Review – Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp do to Alice what they did to Ichabod Crane and Willie Wonka, creating another effects-intensive reimagining of a classic story. This time around Alice is a bit older and a bit more in charge of her own destiny, an improvement over the creepy age and gender politics of the original story. On the other hand, Burton twists the characters around in uncomfortable ways. Sometimes it works. For example, I loved the Cheshire Cat. In other cases it’s less successful. Though overall I prefer Carroll’s version, I found this a reasonably entertaining summer rental. Mildly amusing

Review - Fame (2009)

How on earth did they manage to make a movie more vapid than the original? The basic formula is the same: spotty coverage of four years in the lives of a handful of students at New York City’s performing arts high school. And of course both versions exist primarily to showcase teen angst and musical numbers. But in the 80s edition at least some of the characters faced what older generations would have considered real problems: poverty, abortion, coming out and the like. The worst things that happen to anybody in this one are that their parents aren’t sufficiently supportive and they don’t become famous fast enough for their liking. Verdict: see if desperate