Review – The Haunting Within

A brother and sister inherit a house on an island. He’s a psychiatrist and she’s mentally ill, so the isolated estate seems like an ideal place for him to try to give her some help that she’s clearly not getting from institutional doctors. But when supernatural stuff starts happening, we’re faced with one of four possibilities: 1. he’s trying to gaslight her and claim the entire inheritance, 2. she’s crazy and the ghosts are all in her head, 3. the ghosts are real, and 4. it doesn’t really matter what’s going on because the production is so slow and devoid of interesting moments that it’s impossible to care about any of it. Guess which one turns out to be the case. The only surprise here is that William Baldwin decided he needed to be in it. See if desperate

Review – In Like Flint

If prior to today’s viewing you’d asked me if I’d seen this movie, I would have said yes. But as I started watching, I realized that other than the first 15 minutes or so I’d actually never seen it before. I think I must’ve seen the first Flint movie several times as a teen watching the late movies but fallen asleep before completing the second half of the obvious double feature. To be sure, there’s little here to keep a kid awake. Once again superspy Derek Flint (James Coburn) – freelance operative for a spy agency called ZOWIE – is up against evil geniuses trying to take over the world. At one point the picture appears to be taking a slightly feminist slant, as the menace is supplied by women who’ve cleverly exploited the presumption that they’re second class citizens. But then the macho zeitgeist of 1967 reasserts itself. Though slightly more clever than the first one, this is still a cheap Bond parody and not much else. Mildly amusing

Review – God Told Me To

Strange, cheap little horror movies like this are a dime a dozen in the 21st century world of digital production and straight-to-video releasing. But back in 1976 when making movies actually cost money, such pictures were a rarer breed. An NYC detective tries to figure out why several denizens of that fair city have gone mad, murdered their fellow citizens, and by way of explanation for their crimes offered only the title phrase. His search for answers leads him to an otherworldly entity and some of the strangest psycho-sexual horror ever committed to celluloid. Though the production suffers from several problems endemic to its age – particularly some unpleasant racism – it nonetheless supplies a few good chills. Mildly amusing

Review – Crowley

This movie’s as muddled and bizarre as the man for whom it’s named. Before the end credits roll, we get virtual reality, time travel, transmigration of souls, bloody murder, satanic sex orgies, college journalism and no end of other aberrant behavior. Unfortunately it never comes together into a cohesive whole. So if you like looking at bare nekkid English chicks, this supplies at least a taste. But if plot, character, logic, or anything else that might suggest an effort at craft are important to you, seek elsewhere. See if desperate

Review – Our Man Flint

So what exactly do you get when you make stupid parody of movies that were already at least somewhat stupid parodies themselves? Well, apparently you get this. The title character (played by James Coburn) is a cheap James Bond knock-off, a super-skilled, super-lucky lothario doing battle with the forces of darkness. Of course the “evil” enemy here is a trio of scientists who have seized control over the world’s weather and are using it to terrorize the superpowers into abandoning their vast arsenals (which is a bad thing for some reason that’s never clearly explained). The thing is so full of Bond sub-references and Bond-esque ridiculousness that it’s impossible to either take seriously or find funny. On the other hand, I remember liking it as a kid. I think it was because I was a Bond fan and this movie was a “close enough” that ran on TV more frequently than the real thing. Mildly amusing

Review – The Last Wave

I liked this Peter Weir outing better than Picnic at Hanging Rock. It had many of the same subtle horror qualities without being quite so 19th century. Indeed, the quiet nature of the menace is made all the more disturbing by juxtaposition with the noisy modern world. An up-and-coming corporate tax lawyer (Richard Chamberlain) gets stuck representing some Aborigines accused of murdering their cellmate in jail. He soon learns that his client’s strange mysticism is in some way connected with the apocalyptic dreams he’s been having and the sudden excess of water even in the arid parts of Australia. If you’re looking for chainsaw massacres or similar “big horror” elements, seek elsewhere. But if you’ve got the attention span to sit still for a little while and let Weir do his work, you’ll find your patience well rewarded. Worth seeing

Review – The Seventh Sign

The theological (and pseudo-theological) end of the world stuff here is sort of fun. The Demi Moore stuff is not. Guess which one occupies the most screen time. Particularly toward the beginning, the drama is composed of Jurgen Prochnow as a combination Angel of Death and Second Coming of Christ bringing about the terrible miracles of the Book of Revelation. It’s spooky stuff. But then the picture gets bogged down in a mire about Moore’s fear that her baby will be born without a soul, thus cementing the inevitability of the end times. Mildly amusing