Review – Chupacabra Terror

At least unlike Bloodthirst this one actually has a Chupacabra. It also has Giancarlo Esposito and John Rhys-Davies, both of whom need to get new agents. The plot here is sort of like Alien redone as an episode of The Love Boat. The monster looks like a cross between one of the monsters from Humanoids from the Deep and a limp head of lettuce. I’m not sure what would attract actual actors to such a production. Perhaps it had something to do with the tropical vacation getaway shooting locations. This might have scored a single star if not for yet another messy, unnecessary slaying of a dog. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Hearts and Minds

Funny how political polemic in a documentary can change audience perceptions over the course of three decades. Or in simpler terms, this movie must have looked a lot different to audiences in 1974 than it does now. Of course the Iraq mess we’re in as I write this review adds a little chill to one veteran’s observation that we aren’t going to learn anything from the fiasco that was Vietnam. However, taken within its own context this is an interesting production about the many aspects of U.S. involvement in Vietnam in the late 60s and early 70s. The editing clearly reveals this as an anti-war piece; for example, Westmoreland’s assertion that Asian people don’t feel emotional loss the way Americans do is juxtaposed with post-bombing footage of Vietnamese civilians proving him oh so very wrong. But political agenda set aside, this movie has some genuinely extraordinary footage and serves as a fascinating portrait of a moment in U.S. history. Worth seeing

Review – The Stunt Man

I watched this with some friends, and all of us remembered liking it better back when we first saw it in the early 80s than we do now. So perhaps it isn’t the movie’s fault that it falls a little flat. Steve Railsback’s performance is a little too reminiscent of his Charles Manson from Helter Skelter, and that detracts from things a bit. On the other hand, Peter O’Toole is perfect as Eli, the psychotic god of the movie within a movie. Barbara Hershey is also above her average. I think the main problem is that the picture dwells on the characters’ attempts to retain their sanity in an insane environment without bothering to convince us that any of them were sane to begin with. Still, it has enough clever moments to keep it entertaining. Mildly amusing

Review – Constantine

Sometimes comic books make a successful jump to the big screen. But step one in the process is almost always an act of translation, figuring out what elements are going to work in a movie and what’s going to have to be left behind. Unfortunately the folks who made this picture decided to haul the whole comic thing into the movie version. The plot. The awkward dialogue. The teen-oriented pseudo-theology. Even many of the camera angles are sharply evocative of comic panels. Also, here’s yet another movie with awful sound mixing, screeching noise intermixed with dialogue so soft I had to turn on the subtitles. And then there’s Keanu Reeves’s almost constant coughing. Just so I don’t seem like I do nothing but gripe, I did like some of the special effects. If they’d been put to a better use as part of a better movie, they might have been downright fun. Mildly amusing

Review – Urban Legends: Bloody Mary

Not as good as the first one, but not as bad as the second. Given that quality is a relative thing down at this end of the scale, I suppose it could have been worse. Once again the use of urban legends is a little weak. For example, the hand-licking murderer is an element of one death, but it’s at best and awkward fit with the scene as a whole (not to mention a really fake but entirely unnecessary dog death). And is there an urban legend somewhere about a guy frying himself by pissing on an electric fence? Or is that just a rhyme from Beavis and Butt-Head? And clearly I’m back in practice now, because I pegged the culprit in this one early on (not that it was much of a challenge). The script isn’t long in the logic department, but the story keeps moving well enough. Some of the booga-booga shots aren’t bad, either. Especially the ones stolen from The Ring (along with a chunk of the plot). See if desperate

Review – Hide and Seek

This is one of those movies where from the first moment you see the family cat you instantly know she isn’t going to make it to the end of the picture. Ditto with Elizabeth Shue. We also have a host of other small problems throughout, not the least of which is that Robert DeNiro is a bit too old to play a guy with a kid Dakota Fanning’s age. Unfortunately this entry is the latest in a long line of productions in which the only real pleasure to be had is in figuring out the turn of the screw before the screw actually gets turned. The big drawback to such movies in the age of DVDs is that technology now makes it possible to pinpoint the precise minute and second where the twist becomes obvious (just about exactly 36 minutes in for me). And that of course leaves you with an all-too-accurate calculation of how many minutes and seconds of your life you wasted waiting for the story to catch up. Insult to injury is that the damn thing keeps going for awhile even after they come out and tell you who Charlie is. End result: yet another un-thrilling thriller. See if desperate

Review – 9/11

Here’s the ultimate proof of the new, 21st century key to successful journalism: skill and talent often aren’t half as important as having the luck to be in the right place at the right time. Here we have two French guys with low-end-professional video cameras who just happened to be making a documentary about New York City firefighters in the Summer and Fall of 2001. Along comes September 11 and transforms their run-of-the-mill production into some of the most compelling images ever captured on tape. The footage shot inside the towers as the firefighters try desperately to get a grip on the situation is alone worth the price of the rental. And when the tower collapses around them … well, you just have to see it for yourself. Some of this documentary is a little hard to watch, and especially toward the end veers unnecessarily into the sentimental (the video speaks for itself, so there’s really no need to drop “Danny Boy” onto the soundtrack). I came into this thinking it was somewhat pretentious to call a movie “9/11,” as if this was the only documentary that could ever be made on the subject (which of course it isn’t). But what these guys captured at Ground Zero actually merits the title they gave it. Worth seeing