Review – James Elroy’s Feast of Death

Fun fact to know and tell: Elroy knows a genuinely astounding number of meat-related slang phrases for sex. He also appears to have some lingering issues related to the murder of his mother decades ago. The grief isn’t surprising, but the Freudian elements … well, let’s just say they’re sort of unwelcome. As are the random camera contortions, hideous ECUs of Elroy’s mouth, and other witless video tricks the director apparently thought he had to build in to the movie just to keep it going. Instead, the camerawork and cuts merely intrude upon what would otherwise have been interesting (albeit often bizarre and/or disgusting) conversations between Elroy and cops, true crime authors, and – for no readily apparent reason – Nick Nolte. At the end of the experience I walked away with little more than a vague wish that I’d just stuck with Elroy’s books rather than learning anything about him as a person. See if desperate

Review – Black Widow

Wealthy single men beware! There’s a beautiful serial killer (Teresa Russell) out there looking to worm her way into your life, marry you, bump you off and walk away with all your money. Unfortunately for her, crypto-lesbian tendencies leave her vulnerable to a sassy little stalker (Debra Winger) who figures out her game. If only the stalker wasn’t a federal agent, things might have gone more smoothly for our sultry anti-heroine. As it turned out … well, as with all mystery thrillers you should probably watch the movie if you want to know how it turns out. Aside from the empty-headed Hollywood take on lesbians, this is a reasonably good example of the mystery genre. Mildly amusing

Review – The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer

Here’s the back-story from Stephen King’s Rose Red expanded and recut as its own little production. As isolated incidents intercut into the King miniseries it kinda worked, but here it plays like a silly soap opera with supernatural hocus-pocus thrown in. Without the tie-in to the bigger show, I doubt if this would ever have been made. Even if it existed, I probably wouldn’t have gone out of my way to rent it. And perhaps that would have been for the best, because to be blunt this is one of the most boring horror movies I’ve ever seen. Even an undercurrent of kinky sex isn’t enough to stir any interest. See if desperate

Review – The Perfect Storm

This movie proves a rather interesting point: apparently it’s actually possible to make a low-key epic. The vast seascapes – especially the towering waves of the storm sequences – alone clearly indicate that the studio dumped millions into special effects. And the cast is plenty expensive, too. But the Hollywood A-list has been hired here not to play secret agents, super heroes or glamour girls but rather working class commercial fishing workers and their families. To be sure, the tale is more than its share of depressing (and I’ve got a big gripe about the end that I can’t share without spoiling the movie for those who haven’t seen it yet). Yet it ends up being a little uplifting as well. I kinda liked the idea that people who aren’t born with vast wealth or super powers can nonetheless even in failure attain a certain nobility of effort. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and should just take it for its surface value as a fairly entertaining action yarn about man versus nature. Worth seeing

Review – Twisted

This foursome of shorts from Down Under comes across as a weak-witted grandchild of The Twilight Zone. If you happen to find it on DVD, use the “chapter select” feature to watch the first story last. It’s not great – certainly not a younger Geoffrey Rush’s finest hour – but it’s the best of the four. With all four about the only entertainment to be had is pre-guessing the surprise twist at the end of each episode (a difficult task only in the one that actually bothers with red herrings). See if desperate

Review – I Spy

Believe it or not, this is even worse than you’d expect an Eddie Murphy / Owen Wilson action comedy to be. Wilson plays a mediocre secret agent saddled with an egotistical boxer (Murphy) who’s supplying the cover story to get him close to an international arms dealer. Somewhere in here there’s a stealth jet, silly gadgets, double-agents, and the like. I guess maybe there’s a snicker or two in here someplace, but for the most part the flick wavers between mildly boring and downright annoying. See if desperate

Review – Coven

If you’ve seen American Movie then you already know that the title of this unique little picture is pronounced with a long “o” because otherwise it would sound too much like “oven.” Normally I don’t review movies this short (only 40 minutes or so, thank God), but it makes such a natural combination with the documentary about its creation. To be completely fair to Mark Borchardt, this production isn’t anywhere near as bad as I expected. It’s plenty bad, coming in around midway between Begotten and an especially uninteresting episode of The Twilight Zone about an AA meeting that turns out to be run by a coven of evildoers. But aside from the technical quality (and the script and the acting) I guess I’ve seen worse. See if desperate