Review – The Night Gallery

Despite the fact that this three-vignette “movie” is actually the pilot episode of Rod Serling’s Night Gallery TV series, I really like it a lot. The middle vignette, a cliché-ridden tale of a blind woman who temporarily regains her eyesight during a blackout, is notable mostly for the involvement of an old Joan Crawford and a young Stephen Spielberg. The first is my personal favorite, a nasty little bit of inheritance-related skullduggery between Ossie Davis and Roddy MacDowell that ends up centering around an image-shifting painting (all three episodes involve paintings in some way). The final story is a chilling tale of a former concentration camp commandant attempting to elude justice. I suppose most of this is fairly trite and dated by now, but it takes me back to the days of Friday Fright Night and a time when horror film-makers at least pretended to employ writers. Worth seeing 

[note: I originally reviewed this show in 1999; since then it’s been released on DVD. Or to be more accurate, the whole first season of Night Gallery is out on disc. The actual episodes are an uneven mix. But however odd the stories, stiff the writing or dated the feel, it’s still better stuff than most of what’s on TV now.]

Review – True Lies

Here we have an action movie about the importance of honesty in relationships. Some of the stuff that goes on between bored housewife Jamie Lee Curtis and super-secret-agent Arnold Schwarzenegger (who apparently can’t confess to his wife that he’s a spy) is a little odd, and I found the scene in the interrogation room downright hard to take. The film works a lot better when Arnold sticks to shooting people or otherwise ending up in expensive-stunt situations (with some not-so-expensive stunt men, some of whom resemble the former Mr. Universe not in the slightest). Mildly amusing

Review – The Lair of the White Worm

Director Ken Russell’s up to his old tricks again. Honestly, he practically reaches the point where he’s ripping himself off. For example, one hallucination scene features weird religious iconography a la Altered States and sexually assaulted nuns harking back to The Devils. There’s even a sideways reference to Bill Forsyth’s Local Hero toward the beginning of the movie. Of course, there are a few fresh elements here, such as the ever-charmless Amanda Donohoe as the villainous bisexual snake woman. If you’re a big fan of phallic symbols, this is the film for you. Otherwise most of the humor and horror fall flat. See if desperate

Review – Starship Troopers

I kept watching this vile little piece of fascist trash hoping that eventually it would reach some sort of understanding about the horrors of war and the evils inherent in a totalitarian police state. Instead we get the genuinely idolatrous glorification of lost limbs, wrecked lives and Hitler-esque ideology. What first appears to be a tongue-in-cheek poke at Triumph of the Will in the opening ends up seeming more like a loving tribute to Nazi cinema. Even the expensive special effects accomplish little besides cultivating sympathy for the bad guys (and considering that the bad guys were giant bugs, it took a good deal of unintentional doing to make them sympathetic). Many years ago, in a single page of poetry, Wilfred Owen dismissed this whole dulce et decorum est notion as an “old lie.” This shiny, new movie rings with that selfsame falseness. Wish I’d skipped it

[Though I don’t want to re-write reviews from years ago, I admit that I missed the point on this one. After re-watching it recently (2022), I see now that the whole thing appears to be a parody of fascist action movies. So my opinion has shifted from “offensive trash” to “a long way to go for a small joke.” It still isn’t an experience I’d recommend.]

Review – True Crime

The only surprise in this tear-jerking diatribe against capital punishment is that Clint “Dirty Harry” Eastwood starred and directed. Aside from the apparent incongruity between the actor’s prior penchant for bloody extermination of criminals and his apparent change of heart, Eastwood does a good job as a grizzled reporter who gets drawn into an execution-related story an ends up trying to prove that the condemned man is innocent. Sure, it’s got more than its share of shameless emotional manipulation. But the script is reasonably good when it isn’t side-tracked by the subplots surrounding our hero’s philandering and disintegrating family life. In any event, it’s just so nice to see a journalist portrayed as the good guy for a change. Mildly amusing

Review – Nightbreed

Clive Barker’s fans should love this movie directed by the author and based on his novella Cabal. Most of the plot is the usual melange of dark fantasy, including a host of creatures called the Nightbreed, clearly based on Barker’s own artwork. He’s never had a better cast, including Charles Haid as a cruel sheriff and Canadian militia member, and David Cronenberg stepping in front of the camera to play the villainous psycho-killer. Other than Cronenberg’s chilling if somewhat hammy performance, however, this outing offers little beyond a lot of pseudo-mysticism and an occasional thrill. Mildly amusing

Review – Fear No Evil

Fear this movie. Fans of early 80s low-production-value supernatural thrillers may get a kick out of this parade of archangels inhabiting the bodies of teenagers and old folks in the course of their eternal war with Lucifer (who also, coincidentally enough, has taken up residence in an outcast adolescent). But the script is weak, the effects aren’t very special, and the acting crawls with termites. I guess I’ve seen worse things done with low budgets. But I’ve seen a lot better, too. See if desperate