Review – Hercules

Typical Disneyfication of a well-known story. The musical numbers were a bit on the uninspiring side, and some of the computer-driven stuff was pretty lame. Still, the film has a nice sense of humor, unlike some other recent Disney entries (especially the deadly grim story of Pocahontas). James Woods is surprisingly amusing as the voice of Hades, and a handful of other celebrity voices rounds out the cast nicely. Side note: very time someone in this flick says “the Mighty Hercules,” all I can think of is: “stop saying the Mighty Hercules.” Die-hard Saturday Night Live fans will recognize the joke. Mildly amusing

Review – Deadly Blessing

Hey, here’s a minority group we can pick on with impunity: Amish-esque, traditional, closed religious communities. I mean, it’s not like they’ve got TVs or VCRs. And even if they did, they’d probably mostly rent Disney cartoons rather than the likes of Deadly Blessing. So director Wes Craven (and this is way back in the pre-Elm Street days) is pretty safe in casting them as the bad guys. Of course, this particular set of religious fanatics must be especially backward, because they constantly refer to all the nubile young 20th century women as “incubus,” whereas if memory serves me right generally incubi are male demons that sexually corrupt women. Unless the whole thing is some ultra-clever twist on the gender bending turn of the screw toward the end or Craven knows something about newcomer Sharon Stone that he isn’t sharing with the rest of us (and both scenarios are about equally unlikely), they probably actually meant to use the term “succubus.” The first time I saw this masterpiece was in a motel room in the middle of Nowhere Kansas on the way back from about two solid weeks of camping in Colorado. I was in my early teens back then, and at the time this was a sweet taste of badly-missed civilization. Less desperate times have led me to a much lower opinion. See if desperate

Review – Apt Pupil

I guess it’s nice to see Hollywood take a risk once in awhile on a film that isn’t your usual feel-good happy-ending fare. And even after Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption, the last Stephen King tale I thought I’d ever see them make into a movie was this dark quarter of Different Seasons. I haven’t read the novella since high school, but I’m told by those who remember it better than I do that the movie isn’t all that faithful to the original plot. The homosexual overtones of the relationship between the old concentration camp guard and the boy who discovers his secret past were so pronounced that I’m a little surprised the gay community didn’t take an interest in protesting the film. The animal violence was also excessive, though at least here it was an integral part of the plot (still, really isn’t there a better way to establish the badness of a character without resorting to cheap stunts like torture of animals or children?). Mildly amusing

Review – Manhunter

Despite the heavy Miami Vice look and feel (and what else would you expect from Michael Mann), this is a fairly faithful adaptation of the first of Thomas Harris’ Lecter novels (which faithful readers will remember as The Red Dragon). Sure, the visuals and the soundtrack scream mid-eighties, and the production values aren’t quite as slick as the second Lecter movie. But somehow that gives it a charm all its own. Side note: I see that the psychotic psychiatrist’s name is spelled “Lecktor” in the credits; it’s “Lecter” in the credits for Silence of the Lambs, and since I don’t remember how it was spelled in the books I’ve decided to just go with the spelling I prefer. Mildly amusing

Review – Armageddon (1998)

Some movies are so bad that they actually make you mad. This one made me long for the end of the world (at least assuming this film isn’t showing in Hell, and I guess that’s probably not all that safe a bet). For openers, I can’t stand Bruce Willis. Actually, I don’t know the man personally, but I dislike the flabby, balding, blue collar hero out to save the world characters he usually plays. And you know when Steve Buscemi is the high point of a movie that the rest of it is pretty much unwatchable. For the most part this is two and a half hours (which seem like a whole lot more) of one poorly-directed action sequence after another. By the end it gets to the point where enough things have gone wrong for the sole purpose of prolonging the plot that it just seems like it’s going to go on forever. Even getting the opportunity to watch Paris getting blown to bits doesn’t save this stinker. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Operation Condor

Low production values. No plot to speak of. Awe-inspiring stunt work. Athletic, acrobatic flying fists of kung fu death. In other words, yet another typical Jackie Chan movie. This one finds Chan fighting bad guys who are after a hidden trove of Nazi gold. Worth seeing

Review – The Wedding Singer

I guess maybe I can’t really give an entirely neutral opinion of this one. Every once in awhile we all encounter a movie that we just have too much in common with not to like. That was the deal with this one, at least for me, right down to the whole wedding thing going on in 1985, the year I got married. All that aside, though, there were more than a few really good moments in this film, the jokes that work outnumbering the ones that didn’t by a considerable margin. Even Adam Sandler, normally an irritant, managed to drop his usual shtick long enough to make this movie. Worth seeing