Awkward Batman #23

Eh, I’ve had worse bosses. 

 

Besides, this guy spent the whole story ending every sentence with “See” like some crappy Edward G. Robinson ripoff, so honestly he has it coming.

 

Awkward Batman #22

Another multiple choice question. Which of the following is the best caption for this panel?

 

A. "Robin hits the bad guys with an oar."

 

B. Trick question. As this is obviously a picture of Robin hitting the bad guys with an oar, no caption is needed.

 

C. This:

 

Awkward Batman #21

This one isn’t particularly hilarious. I'm just posting it in the hope that “splub” can somehow make its way into common usage.

 

Awkward Batman #20

I feel like any attempt to provide context would diminish the experience.

Awkward Batman #19

In context, gangsters have taken over the town and replaced the real cops. Still ...

 

Awkward Batman #18

Our second motto is “never be helpful to those who don’t need help.”

Our third motto is “exercise caution when determining who does and doesn’t need help.”

And honestly, that’s just the tip of the iceberg here. 

Be a “Robin Regular” by being regular?

Nationalism?

Review – Napoleon (2023)

With Joaquin Phoenix in the title role, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the story centers around Napoleon’s various neuroses (especially his peculiar relationship with Josephine). They spent a lot of money making this, which at least makes it a pretty mess. See if desperate

Awkward Batman #17

So like what? A dentist? An accountant? An interior decorator? An elementary school teacher with some thoughts on how to punctuate sentences?

 

Awkward Batman #16

So Batman intends to kidnap the Joker and have him lobotomized? Honestly sometimes I wonder about the distinctions between heroes and villains.

 

 PS: Slugs and snails are after me. DDT keeps me happy. I guess now it's time to tell 'em that I've got no cerebellum.

Awkward Batman #15

As someone who’s spent most of his life in academe in one way or another, I can assure you that there’s absolutely no such thing as “too boring to get tenure.”

Awkward Batman #14

Not a cigar. Also probably not a bong.

Awkward Batman #13

One convention down, one to go.

Awkward Batman #12

Did Batman just make a poop joke?

Awkward Batman #11

This is:

A. Completely unnecessary dialogue

B. A completely unnecessary caption

C. Both A and B

 

Awkward Batman #10

Be careful, Weasel. If you keep talking nonsense like that, you might end up as President of the United States.

Awkward Batman #9

So had Bob Kane seriously never seen a picture of a wolf? That looks more like the Monk is turning into a were-wolverine.

 

Review – Raise the Titanic

This was released several years before the actual Titanic was located, so just finding it would have been enough drama all by itself. Raising it from the bottom of the ocean would have been the icing on the cake (if not overkill). But as this is a Clive Cussler story, naturally it also has to involve secret agents and a radioactive MacGuffin needed to power an SDI anti-missile system. Not to mention recurring Cussler character Dirk Pitt, who’s clearly being sold to the audience via multiple repetitions of his name (if you made it into a drinking game you’d die) in an effort to turn him into a James-Bond-esque franchise character. Despite the plot holes big enough to drive an SSBN through, it’s an entertaining bit of dated international intrigue. Mildly amusing

Review – H.H. Holmes: Origial Evil

Yes boys and girls, if you can download public domain and royalty free video clips and reword a couple of Wikipedia entries, your project can show up on Amazon Prime Video. The result features a lot of silent movie clips that have nothing at all to do with the narrative. It also spends a bizarrely long time covering the crimes of Jack the Ripper before making the obvious point that Holmes couldn’t possibly have committed them. Not for the first time, I found myself wondering about the distinction between a wealthy and powerful content provider that carefully curates its offerings and YouTube except you’re paying for it. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Trump Prophecy

A firefighter with PTSD has nightmares about demons and then receives a revelation that God has ordained Donald Trump to be President. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding. Avoid at all costs

Awkward Batman #8

This is the first time in the story that anyone mentioned vampires, so I feel like Occam's razor might have steered me in another direction. In Batman's defense, he turns out to be right.

 

Awkward Batman #7

Batman never goes back for this guy. I imagine his skeleton still perched up there 80 years later.

 

Awkward Batman #6

"I don't think they wanted me to talk really. I don't think they wanted me to say anything. It was just their way of having a bit of fun, the swines." - Group Captain Lionel Mandrake

 

Awkward Batman #5

Batman cleverly rhymes “blue” and “blue.”

Awkward Batman #4

“Just so we’re clear, I said ‘good evening’ because that’s what people say when greeting each other in the evening. I don’t actually want you to have a good evening. In fact I plan to punch you really hard, so that isn’t going to be good for you at all.”

Also, is Batman wearing an exam glove? That adds an extra layer of awkwardness.

Review – Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

I was going to mock this production by simply summarizing its plot, demonstrating that it was clearly created for (if not in fact by) fidgety five year olds. But honestly it was too convoluted even for that. The story – to the extent there even is one – depends a lot on previous entries in the series. But If elaborate, expensive effects are enough to keep you happy for a couple of hours, you’re in business. See if desperate

Awkward Batman #3

And that’s how Dr. Trent lost his job with the Budapest Chamber of Commerce.

Awkward Batman #2

Dude, work on your excuses.

Awkward Batman #1

I’ve been reading a collection of old Batman comics, and I’ve noticed that some of the panels are … well … a little awkward. Especially taken out of context more than 80 years later.