Tonight we tart in hell!

Not sure what prompted me to actually look at the back of a Pop Tart box before tossing it into the recycle bin. But when I did, this is what I found:

The whole back of the box was decorated with odd tart-related images, of which this was the most bizarre.

Help me out here. Pop Tarts are being threatened with Toaster invasion, and the King of the Pop Tarts is deliberately killing the Toaster emissary? Who even gets this joke? Nobody under the age of ten was even born when 300 came out (and it was released with an R rating, so likely audience members skew even older).

Clearly Pop Tarts are being marketed to someone besides kids these days. With that in mind, here are some suggestions for other famous movie moments that could be tarted up a bit:

• Your mother eats tarts in hell.
• Say hello to my little tart!
• Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatart.
• I ate his liver with Pop Tarts and a nice Chianti.
• I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my tart.

Or at the very least perhaps this could breathe new life into an immortal classic of the silver screen:

 For what it's worth, the tag line at the top of the poster is pure coincidence.

Or is it?

Review - The Avengers: Age of Ultron

Worthy follow-up to the first Avengers movie. I’m not sure how easy this would be to follow for audience members who aren’t keeping up with the whole Marvel cinematic universe thing, but if you like the rest of them you’ll probably like this one too. Mildly amusing.

Review - Final Girl

Attention rookie filmmakers: Lars von Trier is not a role model.   The story might have worked if not for some insanely heavy-handed direction by first-timer Tyler Shields. A young woman (Abigail Breslin) trained as a vigilante takes on a group of wealthy brats who murder girls for fun. The plot had promise, but it’s swiftly undone by self-conscious cinematography and melodramatic lighting. The result plays like a Halloween concept edition of Vogue, and that isn’t conducive to good storytelling. See if desperate.

Review - Manson: 40 Years Later

As docudramas go, this isn’t too bad. Like Helter Skelter, it’s based thoroughly on the prosecution’s version of the Tate-LaBianca killings, particularly the non-participation of star witness Linda Kassabian (who appears briefly in the movie). But otherwise it’s a thorough retelling of the tale. Mildly amusing.