Review – Streets of Fire

I absolutely loved this movie when it came out. Of course I was 18 at the time. Now it mostly just makes me feel old. Personal reaction aside, this was a gutsy move by Walter Hill. Audiences could either have loved the mindless action or rejected the strange mix of elements, and unfortunately for him they went with number two. Truly this is an odd movie, set in a world that blends settings, props and costumes from the 40s to the 80s into a fantasy version of New York City ruled by gritty violence and bad pop music. However, it’s reasonably well assembled. Fond memories aside, this is a solid mid-packer of a picture. Mildly amusing

Review – Knuckleball!

As the title implies, this is a documentary about one of baseball’s most enigmatic pitches. The main foci are the only two pitchers – Tim Wakefield and R.A. Dickey – throwing knuckleballs at the time the movie was made. Though the subject might have been just as thoroughly covered in a shorter running time, it nonetheless proved to be a fascinating consideration of how the pitch works and how it affects the careers of the players who throw it. Mildly amusing

Review – The ABCs of Death

The good thing about horror anthologies is that bad segments tend to end quickly, giving their companions a chance to re-win the audience. But when the majority of the stories are genuinely awful, they overpower the good stuff. This set sports 26 entries, one for each letter of the alphabet. The first two got the evening off on the right foot, but after that it dived straight downhill. By the end I’d experienced way too many suffering animals, graphic toilet explorations and the like to be able to appreciate the diamonds buried in the shit. Verdict: wish I’d skipped it.

Review – Devil Times Five

Awfulness times infinity. Five severely psychotic kids escape from an asylum and go crazy at a mountain resort. The primary pleasure here is in watching for the hosts of continuity slips and other technical errors (the IMDb listing supplies a set of things to look for). Or perhaps savoring some of the worst dialogue ever written. I’m amazed that this was made in the days before camcorders. Film production actually requires money, and it’s weird to see that much cash dropped on something this dreadful. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Pickman’s Muse

This borderline pro-am production awkwardly blends two H.P. Lovecraft short stories: “Pickman’s Model” and “The Haunter of the Dark.” Unfortunately the filmmakers also employ indie art movie conceits that make the plot hard to follow and the characters hard to care about. A better movie might have been made from the source materials. See if desperate

Review – Dark Skies

Once again I find myself wondering if aliens capable of interstellar travel and other technological marvels really have nothing better to do with themselves than come to Earth and engage in relatively trivial crime. To be sure, kidnapping children is worse than vandalizing crops. Still, it comes across as an unpleasant blend of paranoia and stupidity. They spent some money on the effort, making mid-grade production values and some familiar faces in the cast the picture’s only saving graces. See if desperate

Review – Cool Air (2006)

Yeesh. I respect the folks who made this for realizing that they didn’t have the resources to make a movie with any kind of production values. Going with a script-intensive approach might have worked if the screenwriter hadn’t been so intensely talentless. I’m surprised that the source story should prove so hard to adapt, but this is the third or fourth attempt I’ve seen and none of them have been good. Though this is by far the worst. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia

I’ll decline the chance to mock the title. Too easy. Sadly, the rest of the movie was also low-hanging fruit. The subject is the same ridiculous ghost story that fueled A Haunting in Georgia, though here it gets a slightly-higher-budget makeover. Aside from a couple of familiar faces, this doesn’t offer much. See if desperate.

Review – Star Trek Into Darkness

I didn’t hate this Abrams Trek anywhere near as bad as I hated the first one. I still prefer the cerebral drama of the original TV series (fear a movie that makes William Shatner’s high jinks look cerebral) over the noisy action sequences so popular with 21st century audiences, but I did at least appreciate the absence of Lost-esque time travel plot monkeying. I couldn’t quite decide if the presence of characters and plot developments from Wrath of Khan were a loving, playful tribute or just a desperate attempt at “anything you can do I can do better.” But overall I enjoyed this outing, at least when it wasn’t busy screaming in my ear. Mildly amusing