Review – The Whisperer in Darkness

I greatly enjoyed the HPLHS retro-silent Call of Cthulhu, so I bought this disc without watching the movie first. Though it’s not quite as good as the previous effort, I’m still far from sorry that I spent money on it. The template here is Golden Age Hollywood horror, and they don’t stick as closely to the aesthetic this time around. However, the story is still a solid adaptation of the source story, which just happens to be one of my favorites from the Lovecraft catalog. The ending is weak, but the rest of the production is excellent. Worth seeing

Review – The Hands of Orlac (1924)

Here we have the great granddaddy of all the evil transplant movies. A pianist whose hands are ruined in a train accident ends up with the appendages of an executed murderer, and the whole body-parts-with-a-will-of-their-own drama ensues. The production suffers from some off-putting shortcomings of the silent era. In particular, actors convey strong emotion primarily through the convention of bugging their eyes. As a result, the whole cast appears to be constantly undergoing a prostate exam. The movie is also considerably too long. Even the unnecessary plot complications could have been worked into a shorter running time with more judicious editing. Still, it’s an important if not exactly crucial moment in the history of horror movies in the silent era. Mildly amusing

Review – Roads to Memphis

This American Experience documentary follows Rev. King and his assassin in the days leading up to their fatal encounter. Perhaps of necessity, the details of James Earl Ray’s means and motive are somewhat sketchy. Otherwise the production is informative and well assembled. Mildly amusing

Review – The Dictator

At least this time we don’t have to feast upon the sight of Sacha Baron Cohen’s nutsack. Though this is more heavily scripted than Borat or Bruno, it’s nonetheless yet another tale of an obnoxious foreigner battling culture shock in the United States. It sports a few funny gags, but for the most part it’s excessively juvenile. Mildly amusing

Review – That Guy ... Who Was in That Thing

We’ve all had this reaction to the sight of a vaguely familiar face in the supporting cast of a movie or TV show. This documentary supplies some insight into the lives of actors who make their livings as the leading characters’ friends, co-workers, bosses, enemies or whatever else gets them semi-steady work. Turns out it isn’t the easiest way to pay the bills, something to think about the next time you have the “hey, isn’t he that guy?” experience. Worth seeing

Review – The Expendables 2

Within five minutes or so it becomes painfully obvious that Sylvester Stallone wrote the script or at least a good percentage of the dialogue. At least the folks who put this together were smart enough to figure out that the ensemble of action actors was the major draw of the first one. This entry features more familiar faces in the supporting cast and less concern for the niceties of plot and character development. And they didn’t bring back Mickey Rourke. See if desperate

Review – Taken 2

They should have called this “Retaken.” Of course that would have implied a sense of humor and fun completely absent from the movie itself. Relatives of the sex slavers from the first one kidnap our hero and his wife, and it’s up to their daughter to help them escape. So sort of the opposite of the previous entry. See if desperate

Review – The Blood Beast Terror

The parts with the moth/human hybrid monster are some fun. Sadly that’s less than two minutes out of the total 88. The rest is a weak re-heat of the plot from The Reptile. See if desperate

Review – The Revisionaries

I don’t have much trouble imagining that rednecks walk the halls of power in the Texas state government. And sadly I don’t have trouble imagining such people using their positions to damage public education by revising standards to force teachers to teach inappropriate nonsense. To an extent that’s a byproduct of democracy, making it the responsibility of Texans to get rid of such scourges. The nettlesome thing is that the the state’s school system is so huge that textbook publishers must tailor their products to cater to the state school board’s whims. Thus this documentary becomes a chilling portrait of just how vulnerable our education system is to sectarian bigotry. Mildly amusing

Review – The Initiation

Sorority pledges get locked in a shopping mall with a serial killer. For some strange reason the filmmakers keep trying to add plot complications. That might have seemed smart in theory, as this is otherwise a witless slasher movie. But each subsequent twist just makes things worse and worse, especially the last one. See if desperate

Review – Skyfall

Five decades after the birth of the Bond series, the latest entry returns somewhat to the beginning. This go-around is at least a bit less racist and sexist than Dr. No, and the stunt work is considerably more elaborate. But the filmmakers made a conscious – even self-conscious – decision to cut way back on the gadgets and one-liners. The running time required a few more plot twists than strictly necessary. And I admit I could have done without the villain’s rat story. But overall this was an entertaining experience, considerably better than the previous two Daniel Craig Bonds. Mildly amusing

Review – Outrage

This is tricky business. Everyone hates a hypocrite, and powerful politicians make especially tempting targets. Why should closeted gay and bisexual men be able to rise to positions of prominence by feeding on anti-gay bigotry? But then why should anyone be able to rise to a position of prominence by feeding on any kind of bigotry? Though the hypocrisy might justify the invasion of privacy when they’re “outed,” the punishment comes in the form of more discrimination, this time against a perpetrator. Clearly the sociology and politics of this issue are more than can be covered in a paragraph-long movie review, because they also seemed to be too much for a 90-minute documentary to treat fully. Mildly amusing

Review – The Riverman

More proof that two half-movies don’t necessarily equal a whole movie. This starts out as the umpty-thousanth time someone has made a picture pitting a criminal profiler against a serial murderer, this time the Green River Killer. That alone might have had some potential. But then our hero (Bruce Greenwood) gets the chance to interview Ted Bundy (Cary Elwes), and from there it’s strictly Thomas Harris territory. See if desperate

Review – The Master

A movie that’s designed to be mean to Scientology generally starts in my good graces and really has to work to get back out of them. But this one does it. Deep in the throes of Intense Actor Syndrome, Joaquin Phoenix plays a Navy vet afflicted by chronic assholism brought on by either post traumatic stress or his habit of drinking cocktails made with industrial alcohol or paint thinner. Seriously, the guy is so monumentally annoying that it’s easy to wonder if it isn’t for the best when a cult gets its mitts on him. This is one of those movies that everyone involved seemed to be so involved with that nobody was able to step back, look at it objectively and see that it sucked. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The House at the End of the Street

After The Hunger Games and Silver Linings Playbook, I find I kinda like Jennifer Lawrence. But they sure don’t give her much to work with here. This is a strictly run-of-the-mill thriller about a mom and daughter who move in next door to a murder house only to find the last remaining member of the murder family still in residence. See if desperate

Review – Battleship

What’s more miraculous: that they did in fact make a movie out of the Battleship board game or that they made it through the whole thing without anyone saying “You sank my battleship”? If you have this disc in your player and your trusty remote in hand, buzz directly through the first 20 minutes, which are almost entirely completely unnecessary character development. Tune back in when things start blowing up. Even by genre standards, this is stupid stuff. [side note: when I typed the title onto this page, I accidentally typed “Battleshit.”] See if desperate

Review - Fall from Grace

What an inapt title. As if Fred Phelps ever attained any semblance of a state of grace from which he might have fallen into the pit he continues to dig for himself. For the most part I’m prepared to brush this off as a not-entirely-welcome look at the Phelps cult, not interesting or insightful enough to merit as much attention as it requires. However, I’m going to recommend this picture to one particular group: those people who feel that rights and privileges freely granted to heterosexuals should be denied to non-heterosexuals. If that’s you, watch this movie closely. You may not be as hateful as Fred, but some of his spirit lives inside you. See if desperate

Review – 6 Degrees of Hell

If it’s six degrees in Hell, perhaps the place has frozen over. If so, it would be time for me to watch this movie again. This viewing experience reminded me of riding in a car with someone who can’t stand to listen to anything on the radio or on a disc for more than 30 seconds. To the extent that plot threads exist at all, the picture hops between them so rapidly and pointlessly that it swiftly becomes impossible to follow the story or care about it in any way. Even my original intent in getting the disc from Netflix – to see whatever became of cute little Jill Whelan – was largely thwarted, as she was in the movie for around 30 seconds and didn’t speak a single line. Overall this amounted to little more than a lengthy marketing gimmick for a haunted house attraction in an old building, assuming “hey, isn’t that the haunted house attraction where they shot that dull, annoying movie?” can be considered marketing. I couldn’t even sleep through it thanks to the constant, piercing shrieks. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Dead Again

Here’s the movie that should have demonstrated early on that Kenneth Branagh could be trusted neither in front of nor behind a camera. Almost from the first frames we manage to establish that the male and female leads are a couple reincarnated after tragic deaths in the 1940s. As that left the story with nowhere interesting to go, the movie meanders through a parade of go-nowhere subplots and other pointless complications. The cleverest moment in the whole picture was a character’s disability used as a sub-reference-to-another-production clue. See if desperate

Review – Brave

Those who’ve met me could probably guess that I’m not exactly a Disney Princesses kind of guy. But I genuinely enjoyed this movie, at least in part because it wasn’t the typical Disney Princess experience. Our protagonist doesn’t need a handsome prince to self-actualize; indeed, the plot gets rolling with her refusal to submit to an arranged marriage. It was also nice to see Pixar getting a bit more comfortable dancing around the “uncanny valley” (not to mention sporting a female lead for a change). Politics and image quality aside, this is a charming picture that manages a delightfully even mix of comedy, drama, action and character development. Worth seeing