Review – The Protocols of Zion

This could have been a much better movie. I was already familiar with the history of this infamous anti-Semitic hoax, though the historical background part of the production might have been more useful to viewers who didn’t already know it. The director’s personal history was self-indulgent in an NPR sort of way and could easily have been cut. Slightly more interesting – though still pretty predictable – were the standard cast of Holocaust deniers and conspiracy theorists who think the Jewish people who worked in the World Trade Center were secretly warned not to report to work on Sept. 11. Though the counterpoint from a Holocaust survivor and an official from the NYC coroner’s office supplies solid emotional content, I can’t help but feel that by now it should really be beneath the dignity of a responsible film-maker to have to refute racist stupidity. Thus my favorite part of this production was the consideration of the role the Protocols are playing in the current unrest in West Asia. And here far too little is made of the inability of people on both sides of the conflict to draw lines between Jewish people in general and the Israeli government in particular. Overall this isn’t a terrible movie, but some additional shooting and a little re-editing could have made it into something truly worthwhile. Mildly amusing

Review – Basic Instinct 2

I hardly know where to begin. The very idea that Basic Instinct required a sequel. That it was set in London, ensuring that the sex in this movie would inevitably involve the English. And don’t even get me started on Sharon Stone. The only thing I liked about the movie I can’t discuss without ruining the ending. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

This movie freaked me out when I was a kid. Back then it was all the cliché moments: the pods, the dog, the end. Upon this recent re-watching, I think my new favorite parts come mostly in the first half. The gooey boogers stuff is still cute, but I found it more fun to watch the slow, early signs of something not quite right. First it’s just a few people, then many, then the whole society. That’s a much better horror story than a sticky simulacrum of Donald Sutherland. The script and cinematography also include subtle touches that reward careful viewing. Worth seeing

Review – Beyond the Wall of Sleep

If I was planning to make a movie out of one of H.P. Lovecraft’s stories, I’m not sure “Beyond the Wall of Sleep” would top the list. And even if that tale was my target, I’m quite certain this isn’t how I’d tell it. Just for starters, this amateurish, straight-to-video hack job contains more jump cuts than I’ve ever seen in a single production. The terrible acting and even-more-dreadful script provide no distraction from the relentless editing mistakes. In the end the monster at the heart of the drama turns out to be so silly that Lovecraft fans – the only natural audience for something like this – are likely to end up alienated. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Chocolat

A mysterious woman shows up in a small French village and proceeds to introduce excitement to the townfolk’s lives by opening a chocolate shop. On one level at least this plays like a version of Mary Poppins with more sex and fewer English moppets. Even if occasionally heavy-handed, the overall point is valid; if people were a little less uptight, they might enjoy life more. It’s just that in order for the lesson to take two hours a certain amount of repetition is bound to be involved. Further, this is yet another entry in the list of movies that celebrate the beauty and power of the feminine but ultimately measure its worth in part by how effectively it nets women relationships with men. Mildly amusing

Review – The Weather Underground

Aside from the annoying soundtrack music, this is a solid documentary about the white, upper-class end of leftist political violence in America in the late 60s and early 70s. Unfortunately – though perhaps accurately – the frivolous nature of the Weathermen comes out strongly from the early hippie days right on through the petering-out of the movement at the end of the Vietnam War; typical of the naiveté was the decision to avoid bombings that kill people only after some members of the group were killed by one of their own bombs. There are interesting things going on at the periphery of the narrative (particularly the parallel history of the Black Panthers), but the Weathermen themselves just didn’t turn out to be all that interesting. Mildly amusing

Review – The Night Strangler

It worked the first time. Let’s try it again. This is The Night Stalker moved from Nevada to the Pacific Northwest. The killer is a strange twist on the vampire theme, but otherwise all the elements of the original are right here where we left them. The only noteworthy addition is an exploration of the strange underground city beneath the streets of Seattle (a backdrop I still recall from the first time watching this movie on late night TV when I was a kid). Oh, and the supporting cast features some familiar faces, so keep an eye out. Mildly amusing

Review – The Night Stalker

Though the series spawned by this production turned out to be a somewhat uneven set, the original is immense fun. It’s a parade of clichés: the wild-eyed, crusading reporter, the hard-nosed editor, the arrogant bureaucrats, and of course the dark, European vampire. But the old saws are stuck together in ways that make some fresh cuts (or at least fresh by 1973 standards). Darren McGavin stars in one of the two roles that made him famous (the other of course being the dad in A Christmas Story). Muckraker Carl Kolchak bucks the system in order to prove that a string of murders in Las Vegas are the work of something more sinister than a garden-variety serial killer. Some of the scenes are nice and spooky in an early 70s sort of way, something I might like a bit more than I should because in the early 70s I was just the right age to be spooked by stuff like this. Mildly amusing

Review – Fabulous: The Story of Queer Cinema

Though some isolated moments in some of the interviews are entertaining, this production falls well short of providing a useful history of homosexuality in film. The focus is almost exclusively on movies made by queer directors, writers, and/or actors (or at least movies that portray gays and lesbians in a favorable light). However, narrowing the range doesn’t appear to have helped much. The discussion still seems to pick and choose particular films, sometimes giving short shrift to big moments and dwelling on smaller pictures that – however influential on individuals – didn’t exactly mark crucial moments in film history. Further, just about every specimen discussed is described by at least one of the interviewees as the most important queer movie ever made. The result plays like an extended chat session between buffs, not a serious discussion intended to inform or enlighten. Mildly amusing

Review – The Assassination of Richard Nixon

Here’s an oddity: a movie about an assassination attempt that didn’t succeed. In 1974 a ne’er-do-well salesman named Sam Byck tried to kill Richard Nixon by (unsuccessfully) hijacking an airplane and plowing it into the White House. In the wake of September 11, the plot obviously takes on an immediacy it otherwise wouldn’t have had. But beyond that, all we get from this is yet another lone nut obsessed with violence against the rich and powerful. Sean Penn plays Byck (spelled “Bicke” in the movie) as a bizarre combination of Travis Bickle and Rain Man, which fits the story line but generally makes the lead character neither sympathetic nor compelling. Of course the problems here aren’t all Penn’s doing. The production would have been helped considerably by more emphasis on the protagonist’s mental illness, his delusions and his crimes. Instead the stress is mostly on his business and relationship woes. Mildly amusing

Review – The Monster Club

Fans of the old English horror anthology pieces from the 60s and 70s can watch the sub-genre take one of its last breaths in this odd outing from 1980. In the bracket, John Carradine plays author R. Chetwynd-Hayes, the author upon whose works the vignettes are based. After a not-so-subtly-gay interlude with vampire Vincent Price, our two new-found friends retire to a nightclub for monsters (or at least actors in monster masks that look like they might have been ordered from the back pages of Fangoria). There Price spins his tales, punctuated by bizarre musical performances by the likes of UB40 (not to mention a strip tease with a surprise ending). The stories themselves are a mixed bag. The second one was a little too silly for my taste. The first and third were more effective (particularly the ghoul drawings in number three), but both were damaged a bit by the inclusion of dorky monster names (a “shadmock” in the first and a “hum-goo” in the third). Then in the end Price gets to make a heavy-handed but nonetheless thought-provoking speech about the relationship between horror stories and horror in real life. I can’t say if viewers who aren’t into this kind of thing will get much out of it, but genre fans should probably put this on their to-view lists. Mildly amusing

Review – Moby Dick (1956)

John Houston and Herman Melville were meant to be together. The director’s love of emoting and speechifying is tailor-made for the author’s grandiose, obsessive allegory of good and evil. Screenwriter Ray Bradbury does a fairly effective job of condensing the whale-sized novel down to a manageable two hours or so. Some of the whaling sequences make for difficult viewing, but at least they’re actually integral to the plot. My only real gripe here is that the technical aspects of the production are prosaic. More creative camerawork in particular would have been a real asset. Overall I suspect one needs to be in the proper state of mind before taking this on, but if the itch hits you then this will do a fine job of scratching it. Mildly amusing

Review – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Two things surprised me about this movie, though in retrospect neither of them should have. The first was how strongly it depended on the original. I went to see it with a friend who hadn’t seen the first one, and that helped make me acutely aware of all of the considerable number of moments where a joke or plot twist or even just a bit of dialogue was a reference to Curse of the Black Pearl. The second surprise was that after two and a half hours the ending was a weak set-up for yet another sequel. References to past and future productions aside, this stands up reasonably well as a fluffy bit of summer fun. The script isn’t as tight as the original, and Johnny Depp mails in his performance. But in exchange we get more extensive special effects and more elaborate fight sequences. Mildly amusing

Review – The Mephisto Waltz

You see it coming in the first five minutes. It happens in half an hour. And then on the movie goes on for more than an hour longer. The plot takes some entertaining twists and turns, but ultimately this is still pretty much a one-joke movie. The 70s-era production values lend a note of creepiness. Mildly amusing

Review – Blood Bath

A better script might have turned this from a bad, low-budget horror movie to a good one. The concepts behind the vignettes in this anthology piece aren’t bad, but the dialogue and action are so stiff that the plot gets lost. The bracket also loses focus around midway through. That notwithstanding, there’s some entertaining stuff here. Actor-wise, keep an eye out for supporting roles played by Doris Roberts and P.J. Soles. Mildly amusing

Review – Deep Shock

“SciFi Channel Original” joins the pantheon of great oxymorons. This production can be divided into two categories: stuff stolen from other movies (primarily The Abyss) and time wasted while the characters flounder around waiting for the next stolen plot element. Giant electric eels try to keep an underwater research station from using nuclear torpedoes to seal a hole in the earth’s crust below the arctic ice cap before … oh, let’s be honest. The story doesn’t really matter. If you like cheap effects and bad acting, you’re in the right place. Beyond that, this production doesn’t have much to offer. See if desperate

Review – The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

It’s hard to think of this as anything but “The Freddy of the Opera,” and that isn’t just because Robert Englund stars as a villain with a horribly scarred face. The whole production has a late-80s slasher movie feel to it, which clashed unpleasantly with the traditional gothic trappings of the tale. Though the bulk of the production follows – more or less – the plot from the novel, the Leroux stuff is bracketed by a modern bit in which our heroine is knocked unconscious during a Broadway audition and dreams/remembers the bulk of the plot. This brought the “Dancing Cavalier” plot from Singin’ in the Rain so strongly to mind that this picture became even harder to take seriously. There’s enough Phantom here to make this vaguely entertaining, but the “innovations” this time around almost universally detract. Mildly amusing