Review – Legendary Sin Cities

Rather than a movie, this is three hour-long “documentaries” produced for Canadian television. The subjects are the three supposedly most decadent cities of the 1920s: Berlin, Paris and Shanghai. Actually, I wish I’d watched the episodes in reverse order. Shanghai was depressing, Paris was boring, but Berlin was actually at least somewhat interesting (and I’ve always been a “save the best for last” sort). But for the most part all three programs were fairly terrible. The archive footage was terrific, but it seemed to occupy a relatively small percentage of the screen time. As usual with shows of this sort, a lot of the production is devoted to talking heads, here even more aggravating than usual in that the “experts” selected for the most part come across as stuffy intellectuals who snicker nervously through their discussions of sex and drug abuse. Honestly, if the words “hedonistic” and “demimonde” were banned from the presentation, most of the interviewees would have been struck silent. Were I to watch this set over again, I’d probably do it with the sound off. Mildly amusing

Review – Hotel Rwanda

If nothing else, this production deserves to be commended as one of the few (if not in fact the only) American movies about Africa that actually has a black character for a hero. This is particularly apt given the subject: the brutal genocide of a million people almost completely ignored by American and European governments and media. Don Cheadle gets a career-making role as the Hutu manager of one of Kigali’s luxury hotels. The picture chronicles his efforts to save his family (including his Tutsi wife) and other refugees from the marauding militia. Though more than a little uncomfortable to watch, this is one of those stories that needs to be told. Worth seeing

Review – Shoah

This may be the all-time record holder for movies that take immense potential and run it right into the ground. The Holocaust as a subject is a virtual guarantee of an interesting production, but the execution of this documentary is so painfully inept that it wrecks the experience. I actually found myself losing interest in the middle of interviews not because the subject wasn’t fascinating (it almost always was) or the interviewees were off-putting (they weren’t; even the ex-Nazis were fascinating in an appalling sort of way) but because the audience is forced to sit and listen to lengthy passages of non-subtitled Polish or Hebrew, only finding out what’s being said when the French interpreter translates (and don’t even get me started on the problems with the translations and the subtitles). Technical problems aside, much of this production plays less like a documentary and more like a string of depositions. For example, at one point on the third disc we’re treated to a lengthy discussion of train schedules. As evidence of atrocity, it’s solid enough. It helps build a legal case against the Nazis. But it’s not particularly captivating viewing. All of which goes a long way toward explaining how this ends up being a nine-hour-long experience that spans four DVDs. As a historical document I’d give this three or even four stars, but as a movie it receives a substantially lower rating. See if desperate

Review – Godsend

A couple (Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn) lose their eight-year-old son to an auto accident. Enter Robert DeNiro as a well-intentioned but creepy doctor who offers to clone the kid. But when Offspring 2.0 reaches the age where the original was killed, strange things start to happen. So far so good. Unfortunately, at this point the film-makers decided to start tossing in a bunch of pointless complications. The worst of it is the turn-of-the-screw explanation for everything that’s happening, a resolution that proves to be both predictable and unsatisfying. Despite the story, this might have been a slightly better picture if the young actor playing the kid had a bit more range. He plays innocent and evil with the same deadpan smirk, and that makes it tough to build up much of an emotional response to the character one way or another. Mildly amusing

Review – A History of Violence

Last time around (Spider) David Cronenberg appeared to be trying to re-invent himself as David Lynch. When that didn’t work out, I guess he decided to try for Quentin Tarantino. This is a little better, but still not as good as if he’d just be himself. Viggo Mortensen stars as a small-town diner owner who foils a robbery attempt by killing the would-be bandits. The unwanted publicity that results draws the attention of a one-eyed mobster (Ed Harris) who comes to town insisting that our hero is actually someone other than who he claims to be. The story isn’t all that interesting, and the characters are stiff and awkward throughout; that’s something unwelcome that managed to survive from Cronenberg’s early career. However, the director’s skill with blood and guts serves him well in the spots where some gore is needed to punctuate a thought. Mildly amusing

Review – Memoirs of a Geisha

Early on this picture started to remind me of Gone with the Wind. They both feature young women straining against rigid social structure, elaborate and expensive pageantry, and (here’s the real kicker) how wonderful things were before the war came and destroyed everything. The repeated references to Manchuria are as disruptive to this story as the Confederacy is in the Mitchell movie. The plot and characters are also straight out of a Harlequin romance. That notwithstanding, the technical quality (particularly the cinematography, art direction and costume design) are impressive stuff. The final product is thus a lot like the geisha themselves: beautiful and enigmatic, but not really designed for a long-term relationship. Mildly amusing

Review – Dark Water

Here we have yet another American clone of a Japanese horror movie. Dead, drowned girl. Lots of heavy filter work. Does this Ring a bell with anyone? This time around the frights are few, and in the end the whole thing turns into more of a bummer than anything else. Jennifer Connelly plays a recently-divorced woman who has to move into a sub-standard high rise on Roosevelt Island. Her daughter almost immediately develops an imaginary friend, and you can pretty much imagine where things go from there. This isn’t the worst ghost story I’ve ever seen, but it might have been an easier viewing experience if so much of the plot early on hadn’t centered around apartment maintenance hassles (particularly leaky plumbing and water damage). Anyone who’s ever rented a place in a run-down building is likely to find this stuff more annoying than intriguing. Mildly amusing

Review – Day of the Dead 2: Contageum

I suppose “Contagion” would have been too much like a real word to use for the title of a stinker like this. The folks who brought us Horror 101 now teach another lesson in how not to make a scary movie. This appears to be some kind of prequel to the third chapter in Romero’s Dead series, which raises the question of why – if this is likewise presumably a prequel to the first two as well – they didn’t name it after one of the more successful episodes. But even linking it to the relatively-not-as-good Day of the Dead was too much. This is one of those no-script-no-actors hunks of junk made on the cheap for the video market. The production doesn’t even live up to the lax standards of its sub-genre, as the gore is too crappy to provide much entertainment and there’s no nudity at all. I tried fast-forwarding through some of the dull parts, but that turned out to be most of the movie. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – The Cave

This is another one of those “recipe” pictures. Take a base of Alien, stir in a pinch of The Thing, add scuba diving and rock climbing, pour into a cave and cook for 90 minutes. And as usual, the product is an unpalatable burgoo. The characters aren’t the least bit interesting (indeed, aside from the non-white men and the women, the actors are hard to tell apart). The plot is practically non-existent, the story emerging as little more than weak rubber cement between chase sequences. Even the special effects are bad. If you want to see Alien, rent Alien. See if desperate

Review – Is Paris Burning?

Boy, they sure liked their war movies nice and long back in the 1960s. The first half of this production is almost all lead-up. Parts of it are interesting, but a lot of the political intrigue between factions of the Parisian partisans is hard to follow. I suppose this approach was intended to re-create the sense of confusion that reigned in the streets of the French capital as Allied troops approached the city in 1944, and on that count at least this is a successful picture. After the intermission, however, the show settles down into a standard parade of battle sequences and combat clichés. Mildly amusing

Review – Jaws: The Revenge

I don’t know what I did to bring vengeance this harsh down on myself, but whatever it was I hope I’ve done sufficient penance now. On the other hand, after Jaws 3 “terrible” is a relative thing. This time around the shark is even more fake than ever, and at least in spots the editing appears to have been done by someone completely unfamiliar with the script. But the most serious problem here is the story itself. The shark (or perhaps “a shark” would be more appropriate, as the sharks died at the end of all three previous episodes) follows the last remaining members of the Brody family all the way down to the Bahamas – using its psychic shark powers, I guess – to finish off the last remaining characters from the series (particularly poor Lorraine Gary, the only cast member to last this long). See if desperate

Review – The Raven (1963)

Most of what I said about A Comedy of Terrors applies here as well. Indeed, take out “Basil Rathbone,” drop in “Jack Nicholson,” and it’s pretty much the same review. The raven flies in through Vincent Price’s window. “Are you some dark-winged messenger from beyond?” Price enquires. “Shall I ever hold again that radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore?” To which the bird (in Peter Lorre’s filtered voice) replies, “How the hell should I know?” That sets the mood for the rest of the production. The point here eludes me entirely. Why would anyone other than a Poe fan ever take an interest in this movie? And why would any Poe fan ever derive amusement from this farcical flogging of the author’s best-known poem? I guess this picture has a moment or two, but they’re far too few to justify the rest of the crappy show. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Walking Tall (2005)

Somewhere Buford T. Pusser is turning over in his grave. And though that would really take some doing, this picture manages to accomplish the feat. The Rock stars as a vet who returns to the small town where he grew up only to find that the place has been trashed by gambling and drugs. His old girlfriend is a stripper in the VIP room of the local casino, and the whole racket is being run by his high school rival. Johnny Knoxville (as the sidekick) proves once again that his goofy screen presence does little in the face of a dreadful script and mediocre direction. The final product is a generic action picture, no more or less tasty as the name brand stuff but not worth crossing the street for. Thank goodness for free Showtime weekends. See if desperate

Review – Blacula

I think the Simpsons already did the “Hunchblack of Blotre Blame” joke, so here I’ll just add that another good one would have been “The Blummy.” As with a lot of blaxploitation movies from the early 70s, this production’s heart is in the right place. The tale of an African prince turned into a vampire by Dracula has some potential for exploring serious race issues. Further, horror from this era is what scared me when I was a kid, so I got at least some small thrills from some of the shock sequences. But overall this is just as dumb, cheap and packed with racist clichés as the title implies. See if desperate

Review – And Now for Something Completely Different

The title of this production is both directly apt – Monty Python fans will of course recognize one of the better-known catch-phrases from the Flying Circus series – and ironic, as there’s little if any difference between the skits in this movie and the skits from the TV show. The dead parrot, the nudge-nudge guy, the lumberjack song … the classics never die. Alas, no spam. But otherwise if you’re in search of a Cliff’s Notes intro to one of England’s most famous comedy teams, seek no more. Mildly amusing