Review – Blue Thunder

If you like car chases then step right up to the next level: helicopter chases. As action movies go, this is standard, almost formulaic fare. A heapin’ helpin’ of Roy Scheider as a PTS-suffering ‘Nam vet who flies choppers for the LAPD. A dash of Malcolm McDowell as a creepy government agent up to no good. A large dose of military helicopter converted to civilian use to aid with security during the 1984 Olympics. Coat with corporate conspiracy. Bake for 90 minutes. Let cool. Serve. Aside from some brief nudity and language, this might have worked quite well as a made-for-TV movie. However, the plot is too simple-minded and the chopper-centric action a bit too extensive for this show to provide much more than a few cheap thrills. Mildly amusing

Review – Secretary

Oddly enough, I think this is the most genuinely romantic movie I’ve seen in a long time. Sure, it’s got flaws. The portrayal of the sadomasochistic relationship between a lawyer and his secretary dwells a little too much on clichés. Likewise the protagonist’s attachment to self-laceration early in the story comes across as a mildly insensitive portrayal of mental illness. And how’s this for an unusual criticism: the plot lacks the elegant simplicity of the Mary Gaitskill short story upon which the movie is based. However, the lead characters actually seem to have some genuine affection for each other despite their somewhat outré way of expressing it. Perhaps exploring the clichés of S&M allowed the film-makers to abandon the clichés of the traditional Hollywood romance that bury so many other love stories. It also doesn’t exactly hurt that Maggie Gyllenhaal does a really good job in the female lead. James Spader (as her counterpart) is his usual charmless self, but his co-star more than makes up for him. Worth seeing

Review – Bloodthirst

“Legend of the Chupacabras” indeed. I think they should have gone ahead and called this one “Goatsuckers.” That at least would have been more in keeping not only with the monster in question but also with the cheap, video production values. Actually, I kinda hate to say anything bad about a movie that – however amateurish – seems so gosh darn sincere. Everyone involved clearly appears to be giving 100%, so who am I to fault them for coming up a bit short? And as amateur productions go, I’ve seen a lot worse. Sure, the script has problems (stiff dialogue, too many characters and subplots) and the effects aren’t very special. But honestly my only serious gripe is that with a folklore base as potentially cool as the chupacabra, it would have been really nice if they’d come up with something better than zombie vampires for bad guys. See if desperate

Review – Red Dragon

I guess comparisons between this go-around and Manhunter are inevitable, so let me get them out of the way right at the start. Ed Norton made a better Will Graham. Tom Noonan made a better Francis Dolarhyde (though Ralph Fiennes wasn’t half bad in the role, and his tattoo was way better). I prefer that bad guys be at least a little understated, so I liked Brian Cox better as Lecter. However, I concede Hopkins has thoroughly pre-empted the role in most people’s minds. The big trump card held by the newer production is production values; Silence of the Lambs beats “Miami Vice” hands down. Comparisons aside, this is a worthy production of the best plot in Thomas Harris’ Lecter series. Mildly amusing

Review – Ghost Ship (2002)

Dark Castle strikes again, this time so far out at sea that the corpse at least stands a decent chance of sinking peacefully beneath the waves never to be seen again. We should be so lucky. The productions are getting more and more sophisticated, but the scripts and acting are headed in the other direction. There’s a not-half-bad story about a haunted derelict ship in here somewhere, but it’s buried plenty deep under several gore-intensive but otherwise useless subplots. As a juvenile spook story this works just fine, so it’s too bad there’s too much nudity and violence in here for the wee tykes who might actually be amused by this cliché parade. Now if they could just get rid of the wretched soundtrack music. Mildly amusing

Review – Below

Submarines and horror. I guess I’m honor-bound by disposition to love this movie. The submarine part of it works pretty well. The horror part strays a bit too far into the ghost story, which rarely ends up working for me. Even so, it does have its moments. The production values and special effects aren’t bad at all for a low-budget production. Even the acting’s not the end of the world. The script tends to meander a bit in the middle, not clearly moving from one point to the next. I’m also a little disappointed they left out a couple of the deleted scenes (if nothing else, I thought the alternate ending actually worked better, though the difference between the two wasn’t just real drastic). I can’t say much about the story without giving away the suspense the production relies heavily upon. So suffice it to say that as haunted ship movies go this is one of the better examples of the genre. Mildly amusing

Review – The Adventures of Robin Hood

Imagine a vintage Technicolor version of this classic tale starring Errol Flynn (hero) and Basil Rathbone (villain), and you can pretty much see this one without even watching it. The plot’s a parade of clichés and the dialogue is pure corn, but if you’re into the whole swashbuckling action thing this has some of the finest examples of the art from its Hollywood heyday. Mildly amusing.

Genre: Action

Subgenre: Fantasy
Date reviewed: 4/4/2003