Review – Pootie Tang

Lorne Michaels should at least derive a certain amount of satisfaction from this outing, because it conclusively proves that someone besides him is able to produce really bad movies based on short sketch comedy routines. Of course Michaels is still the master, but Saturday Night Live alum Chris Rock appears to have learned a thing or two on the “art” of drawing five minutes’ worth of script out into a feature-length production. I guess if you watch a lot of blaxploitation movies this lack-witted farce seeks to parody, you might have gotten more of a kick out of it than I did. But personally, I don’t think much of the trend in Hollywood to make such movies under the pretext that they’re meant to parody such movies. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Jackass

If you’ve watched the series on MTV, you’ve got at least some idea of what’s in store for you here. The movie version is more of the same only more so, thanks to the absence of cable net censors who would probably screen out such gems as the guy taking a crap in his pants or the urine snow cone sequence (complete with copious barfing). For my taste, the funniest parts are the ones when Bam’s pulling some kind of stunt on his parents (including setting off fireworks in their bedroom in the middle of the night or letting an alligator loose in their kitchen). But a lot of the rest of it is good as well. Well, good in a jackass sort of way. Mildly amusing

Review – Ringu

I expect that at least in the United States this movie isn’t as well-known as the English language version, The Ring, which was based on this Japanese original. And in many ways that’s a darn shame, because even with subtitles this is an entertaining movie. In fact, I suspect that if you took the original and the remake and combined the best elements of each, you’d get a genuinely fine horror movie. You could take the characters and more logical plot from this outing, mix it in with the superior production values and effects from the American go-around, and end up with a respectable piece of film-making. However, this one’s good enough to stand on its own, even with its cheap production values and other weaknesses (including an excessive reliance on ESP and other unwelcome mumbo jumbo). If you have to choose between the two, flip a coin. But if you can, see them both and try to imagine them working together. Mildly amusing

Review – Bog Creatures

I admit when I rented this stinker that I was sort of hoping for something along the lines of The Legend of Boggy Creek. Though it became obvious almost immediately that so such thing was in store, I remained willing to meet this movie on its own terms. However, it didn’t exactly rise to the occasion. This is ostensibly the story of a group of college students who unearth some kind of evil Vikings who had been buried in a bog for centuries and become murderous zombies once they’re dug up. So the plot didn’t show a great deal of promise to begin with. But once a dreadful script, awful acting and almost nonexistent production values are added to the mix … well, there isn’t even an E for effort here. The only nice thing I can think to write is that I rented this piece of crap from Hollywood, a video chain that occasionally makes a practice of stocking versions of movies with at least some of the sex and/or violence cut out. I don’t know for a fact that such censorship took place in this case, but if the copy I saw was cut that might at least explain a couple of awkward scenes that play like the intros to sex often found in softcore pornography, except in this case no sex ever ensues. I can’t feature that smut would have made this a more worthwhile viewing experience, but it might at least have made it flow a bit better. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – Hush ... Hush, Sweet Charlotte

If Tennessee Williams ever set his mind to writing a bad murder mystery with a touch of grand guignol, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out at least a little like this. A capable cast does its level best with a largely unimaginative southern twist on the tired, old let’s-convince-the-unstable-woman-that-she’s-a-blood-crazed-lunatic routine. Although it might have been interesting to see Bette Davis paired up with Joan Crawford – as they were in Baby Jane – it turns out that Olivia de Havilland turns out to be a great choice for the scheming cousin. Prior to this I’d only ever seen her as nicey-nice Melanie Wilkes in Gone with the Wind, so this was a refreshing change. Overall this isn’t the masterpiece I’d heard it was, but once I set my expectations aside I found it entertaining enough. Mildly amusing

Review – The Ring

It’s this movie’s misfortune that it was heralded as one of the scariest, most original horror flicks to come along in years. Though it largely fails to live up to the hype, it has a few things going for it. The basic premise (the old innocent-character-doomed-by-incidental-contact-with-bad-juju routine) is solid enough. Evil’s trigger mechanism is a video tape with a film-student-style nightmare sequence, condemning whosoever watches it to death within seven days. The tape itself and some of the makeup effects brought into play once its cycle reaches culmination do in fact engender at least a few decent chills. On the other hand, the movie is plagued with bad story editing – including at least a couple fairly good-sized plot holes – and characters who aren’t nearly likable enough to keep the audience interested in their plight. Also, several of the movie’s more effective moments are “borrowed” either from the original Japanese version or from other genre outings. That notwithstanding, when it comes to horror movies I’ve seen a lot worse. Mildly amusing

Review – Wendigo

For a dreary little independent horror flick, I guess this isn’t the worst I’ve ever seen. The plot’s a little hard on the animals (not to mention the humans), but I guess that’s to be expected from a movie about a ravenous forest spirit with a taste for Catskills rednecks. Although crane shots are about as expensive as the production ever gets, the cinematographer and editor manage to do some interesting things. Not all of it is as scary as it’s supposed to be, but the visuals remain reasonably compelling throughout. Sadly, the story doesn’t keep pace with them. Indeed, this swiftly becomes a classic case of 20 minutes’ worth of plot spun out into a 90-minute movie. I guess the length – and the completely gratuitous and less-than-interesting sex scene early in the production – are what you have to do to catch the eye of a distributor. Still, more judicious film making might have made a shorter but much more emotionally satisfying picture. Mildly amusing

Review – The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao

Tony Randal plays most of the faces in this classic piece of George Pal candy corn. The story – strange circus comes to small town and shows the locals the evil that dwells inside them – has been done better since (most notably in Something Wicked This Way Comes, which also had its flaws). Nor can this accurately be described as the high water mark for Pal’s special effects, most of which make only brief and unconvincing appearances. The acting’s mediocre. The script reads like a sentimental melodrama written by a fifth grader. Yet if one can set aside innate resistance to excessive goofiness, it’s hard not to be at least a little charmed by this simple-minded yet good-hearted fantasy romp. Mildly amusing

Review – Amadeus

What this tale of conflict between Mozart and Salieri lacks in historical accuracy it more than makes up for in compelling drama. Tom Hulce and F. Murray Abraham were both nominated for Best Actor Oscars, a rare case of two actors from the same movie actually deserving the award (Abraham won). Script by Peter Schaeffer and direction by Milos Forman round out the package. This is also an excellent demonstration of the value of DVD technology. Though I’ve watched this many times on VHS, tape doesn’t come close to the picture and audio quality of digital reproduction. Letterboxing contributes a lot, as does the extra footage found in the “director’s cut.” Overall this is a highly entertaining exploration of the nature of genius, envy, and the dire consequences when the former stirs the latter. Worth seeing

Review – One Hour Photo

Yet again film school grads get ahold of a great concept and stomp it to death. For years I’ve thought that the premise behind this movie – a photo lab tech who develops an imaginary relationship with someone who drops her film off for developing – would make a really cool movie. But by the time Robin Williams and the art director are done applying their “talents” to this production, the plot has met a tragic demise. I wish once and for all the world could somehow convince Williams that we take him seriously as an actor, not because it’s true but because it might finally convince him to stop infecting “serious” movies by having himself cast against type in roles to which he isn’t equal. Beyond his performance, all this movie has to offer is a little creepy drama and a lot of overblown lighting and set dressing. What a disappointment. See if desperate