Review – Sliver

From the author who brought you Rosemary’s Baby, here’s another bit of urban paranoia (at least nobody gets screwed by Satan this time, unless you count the audience). Ultimately this film just seems to have too much going on. I mean, the creepy voyeur boyfriend would have made a good plot by itself, as would the psycho mystery writer, or even just the idea of a building rigged with hidden cameras. But when they try to mash all this together, especially when you have the likes of Sharon Stone and one of the Baldwins trying to make it work, it’s just too much for the script to support. I also guess they thought Stone masturbating would have been a lot sexier than it turned out to be. Nice soundtrack, though. Mildly amusing

Review – Altered States

Here’s one of the great boomer conceits: their drug experiences back in the 70s could become so profound that they’d actually manifest themselves physically. The plot is a lot of pseudo-religious, pseudo-scientific claptrap, and the characters are usually little more than annoying (except for Charles Haid’s character, who was the only one that was probably supposed to be annoying but instead ends up charming in an irascible sort of way). But the film is still worth it for the visuals. The hallucinations, irrelevant as most of them are, still provide a good deal of visual impact. And for my money the shot where the ape-creature is chasing the janitor down the hall is one of the great stomach-knot-producing moments in film history. Mildly amusing

Review – A League of Their Own

A fairly sappy tale of some of the players of the All-American Girls’ Professional Baseball League. But then again, baseball movies are supposed to be sappy. As history it probably leaves a little to be desired, but it’s amusing enough to be worth a look, particularly to a baseball fan suffering through a long, cold winter. Mildly amusing

Review – The Lawnmower Man

David Koresh’s favorite movie, which may well say enough about it. I’ll just add that if you’re doing a term paper on the history of movies about virtual reality, then you’re probably going to have to sit through this one. Otherwise, it’s probably safe to give it a miss. Extra for experts: what the heck does this have to do with “The Lawnmower Man” by Stephen King (besides the profit motive, that is)? See if desperate

Review – Singin’ in the Rain

One of the all-time great movie musicals. You don’t even necessarily have to like the genre to enjoy this particular film, since it’s got enough comedy and drama to supplement the high Hollywood extravagance. Sure, there are the show-stoppers that interrupt the plot development (especially the legendary “Gotta Dance” number). But even then the talents of Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor, Debbie Reynolds and the rest of the cast are enough to keep it interesting. Buy the tape

Review – All Quiet on the Western Front

The granddaddy of all war-is-hell movies, this is the version from the 1930s, when the war upon which the original novel was based was far enough in the past to be viewed a little more critically and the next great war was still far enough in the future that the dulce et decorum est hadn’t quite fired up yet. To call it preachy is to sell its sanctimony way short, and it’s also hampered by technical problems endemic to the medium back in the early days of talkies. Nonetheless, it endures well enough to have at least a few worthwhile moments to commend it. Mildly amusing

Review – Cop Land

This gritty tale of police corruption will probably go down in history as the film Stallone gained all that weight for. I didn’t think he looked all that fat, but he did turn in a good performance as the sheriff of a suburban enclave of corrupt NYPD cops. Though the rest of the performances were pretty run-of the-mill (Harvey Keitel as a brutal thug, Ray Liotta as a borderline psycho, and so on), it had just enough of a plot to hold it together. Mildly amusing

Review – Needful Things

This is a fairly faithful adaptation of the Stephen King novel, which makes it a fairly long viewing experience. Not as long as it could have been, however, inasmuch as I’ve seen a version on television that contained some extra footage (and I think the extra stuff is also available on the DVD). Though I’m getting too willing to gripe about films being too long, some of the stuff they cut out of this one for the theatrical and video releases really did make a significant contribution to plot and character development. But even without the extra stuff, this film still holds together pretty well. Max von Sydow seems to be having entirely too much fun as the diabolical villain in this standard “be careful what you wish for” tale with some “meanness of humanity” stirred in for good measure. Mephistopheles never offered Faust anything quite so pedestrian, but in a way that makes it all the more real. However, there’s some dog violence in here so severe that I found it necessary to fast-forward for a few seconds. Worth seeing

Review – Contact

Is there anything more sanctimonious than a science guru with a terminal illness? I mean, if you’re going to go to all this trouble to invent your own new-agey blend of technology and religion, it just seems like it would take less effort to just go with a more traditional faith. Certainly the bullshit factor would be a great deal smaller. I was also disappointed with the acting; I doubt if anyone is going to regard this as the high point in his or her career. Even the effects were lackluster, comparing poorly even with decades-old 2001. Wish I’d skipped it

Review – A View to a Kill

Christopher Walken as a Bond villain? A genetically-engineered superman formerly in the employ of the KGB? Come on! Strike two here is Roger Moore, who was getting way too old for the role by that point. Strike three was the fact that the series was fresh out of plots and had completed the process of substituting gizmos and cartoon violence for any sense of genuine drama. Even the ever-quirky Grace Jones falls flat as Walken’s henchperson. Not quite as bad as Octopussy, but still right on the border of intolerable. See if desperate

Review – MouseHunt

Home Alone with a rodent in the McCauley Culkin role. This film needed a lot more of the mouse and a lot less of the largely unamusing subplots. Some of the slapstick is cute (especially when Christopher Walken is falling victim to it, but not when the hapless victim is a cat that was probably intended to be a lot less cute than it was). The grimy look and depressing feel to most of this suggests that the director thinks he’s Tim Burton, unfortunate since even Tim Burton rarely manages to pull off this kind of thing successfully. See if desperate

Review – George of the Jungle

Not being a fan of the original animated series (in fact, I can’t say as I’ve ever seen it), I went into this with no expectations. Thus I guess I wasn’t too terribly disappointed. It was cute, perhaps a little bit too much so. It had a couple of solid pieces of physical comedy, but for the most part it was pretty juvenile. Big surprise. And poor John Cleese, apparently so desperate for money that he supplied the voice for the gorilla. Mildly amusing

Review – Conspiracy Theory

Video rental tip: if you really want to see The Manchurian Candidate, rent The Manchurian Candidate. It’s one of the best films ever made. Conspiracy Theory, on the other hand, comes across as a pale imitation, with maybe a little Taxi Driver stirred in for good measure. Mel Gibson’s wacky antics do little to rescue this one from the realm of forgettable, bush-league political thrillers. Mildly amusing

Review – Clueless

The first time I saw this I was surprised at how much I liked it. Upon second and even third viewing, I’m even more surprised at how well it holds up. I almost wish I’d been in the target audience (presumably the Spice Girls crowd), just so I could appreciate it to its fullest. In fact, I was almost tempted to go out and get the Jane Austen novel upon which this film was based (though fortunately the tide of more traditional adaptations of Austen’s work managed to snap me back to reality on that one). Worth seeing